ex-HYDRA.
Turns out I didn't need a war for that. Oh I was in warzones plenty. But usually for a specific mission, get in, get the job done, get out. I'm not sure what killing did. Maybe it took a toll. It was always something that needed to happen. SHIELD, HYDRA, both I guess, you get the orders, you go, they die.
No, I'm sorry but you were making sense till that. There's a lot worse than death. But dying, actually dying. I've felt it, and I watched someone else live it. A slow death, day by day loosing just a little more of the drive, of the life in him. Trying everything he could to stop it, just trying to save himself from a fate he didn't deserve. Every part of him breaking down, bit by bit, every organ failing, clinging to life until you can't anymore. That's dying.