Alex
Of course you can, but you could at least try to realise I attempted to make amends with you. I just no longer see the point. Funny how the thing we both wanted the most has destroyed us.
No, you missed mine. I'm bringing up Tom because he's a perfect example I thought was beneath me, in every way. I was awful to him. And once we got past it, once we had a chance to see past that, once he gave me a chance to be better, we became the best of friends. Your friends tried pity, which frankly from them is the worst kind of hypocracy, being told its better and I'll adjust, from them. Its pathetic.
Actually I only do that when they decide I'm entirely wrong and how dare I question their world view. A healthy debate, actual opinions, that's fine. But I absolutely refuse to apologise to people who have proven themselves just as judgemental as you imagine I am. I am well aware of how I failed you, but when I was myself, when I was whole. I treated you with respect and you treated me awfully.
Just go ahead, decide they're better than me and hope they're there for you when it gets hard again. I'll just...try to live my life I suppose. Because this is helping no one.
I'd prefer we didn't speak again. I tried to reach out and solve this but I see now the futility of it. Once again you don't trust me enough.