Only just. And I can't cling to that or I'll drive myself mad. I have to accept that it's not likely. That for some reason, I'm here and maybe he never will be and somehow, I have to be okay with that. Is there a timelimit on grief? On feeling the pain of a loss you feel so deeply? You always have a choice. Not making a choice is also a choice. If you don't try, you can't change. And no, I haven't tried recently because it's still too fresh. I can hear it. I can see it in my mind. I know exactly who carried it out and how brutally he died. And he died to protect me, to protect Peter, and at least it worked halfway. But I can't say I won't still feel this way in a week, three months, six, a year. I can't just flip a bloody switch and be Suzie Sunshine.