i think im perfctly alowed to feel how i do considring evrything thsi monht stadns for in my life. my death. teh deagth adn loss of my hsuband. a loss i nevr had teh chance to grieve becausre i was DEAD, so the grief is frsesh and new and thiis stupid holdiay that just throws it back in my face liek i'm not desaling with it daily. so if i want to swear on month of thre yaer off, i think i have evry rigth. i'm not desitined to be bitter just because i'm haing a hard time lately.