It took slipping into dark and very angry to have the haze slammed out.
You know how hard it is for me to trust people, at least beyond some people here and the crew? It got used against me among other things. Had to kill who knows how many times, I lost count around the 600-700 mark. I got convinced I'm pure slime and don't deserve friends much less anyone caring. Toss in being thrown out of a few hundred windows and having your heart ripped out just as many times. Also pretty sure it got me sick, its been so cold but in the haze I stopped caring.
The heart and the Parker you know is still there, its just in a few million pieces.