Because you've made it that way! You know what your problem is? You can't own up to your own damn mistakes. You have pushed everyone into this corner...Fear me or die. Stay by my side or I put you in a magical-daggery-coma for a couple decades. Do as I say or face the consequences. ....Can you honestly not see where the problem is here? You want them to stay out of choice, give them a reason to. Stop forcing YOUR beliefs, YOUR decisions, YOUR EVERYTHING on them and let them live for themselves.
I don't know when. Or even really how. But it does, even when it seems like it will never be. Given the time, which let's face it you have a lot of, and the patience and the want and the need to work through it. Lashing out? That's the wrong direction.