Stop, Peter. I'm about to start getting snippy about it. I'm not telling you to buck up and get over it because I can't even imagine how hard that had to be for you. I'm telling you to stop living in the past and deal with it and work your way forward. Stop apologising. Your actual friends have long forgiven you.
I love you, Peter Vincent, but the great big ball of emo is not the most attractive look on you. You can do this, okay? Why don't you and I go out somewhere? Get you out for a bit.