Regina Mills (mostresilient) wrote in wariscomingcom, @ 2013-04-08 21:05:00 |
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Entry tags: | gregory house, katherine pierce, regina mills |
Storybrooke minus Henry & Friends Filter
[OOC: Regina is posting this and intends to not reply to any comments. She officially just broke and decided to do what she'd been wanting for awhile but had figured there was no point. Until now. So read away, comment, have discussions about it, but she won't have any responses until tomorrow night. If at all 'cause broken and annoyed and god my head. House of Lust, Regina is going to stay at House's apartment for the evening most likely.]
I've kept my silence because what ground do I even have to stand on. Nothing I could say will change the fact that most of what you've all said is true. Most but definitely not all of it. I'm not naive to think that any of you would ever forgive me for what I've done. I've never claimed that I wanted forgiveness from any of you either. Or trust for that matter. Why should I expect you all to trust me when I don't trust anyone myself? Petty comments or opinions have long since stopped affecting me. I've always known what others thought of me and rarely have I cared and held a "pity party."
Believe what you will about me it isn't going to stop me from proving that I can be redeemed. But I cannot stand for those who claim that I ever mistreated my son or used him as a pawn in some game. I have loved that boy to the very best of my ability and I always will. He is my son. Yes, I was strict and could have done things better, but don't ever assume that I mistreated him and make it almost sound like he was abused. I'm not claiming that I've never hurt him because I know that I have. Actions that I've taken have caused him pain and that is something that I have to make up for.
To those who argue we've seen nothing to prove that I'm trying to be redeemed. Need I remind you that I died saving someone's life. It may be easy for most of you to forget that it happened but I haven't. The nightmares are more than enough of a reminder that it happened. Then there is Gershom who turned out to be Dark. All I saw was a teenager terribly afraid and I offered help. Katherine and I wound up being played but we were trying to help someone we had seen as an innocent because that is what he wanted us to see. Since then I've taken a step back and been more cautious.
And Snow is far from naive. You all may think I've bewitched her but I haven't. Yes, she has always seen the good in others, that has even led her to sparing my life when I didn't deserve it. What you all have failed to understand is that from the moment I arrived she was determined to make sure I was fighting on your side. Some of her first words to me were that our feuds meant nothing in this world. There was an evil far greater that needed to be dealt with. I agreed. She knows that there is a part of me that cannot forgive her entirely. Much like she has said that she can't forgive me for all that I've done. But we decided to put those differences aside. No matter what's happened there was a time I did care for her and I can't forget that. It's an ever constant battle because she is a reminder of what I've lost. I'm not playing a game with her or waiting for the proper moment to strike. She talks, I listen, I talk, she listens, its what we did for months. Until everyone told her to stop and that she wasn't able to make her own decisions. I never said anything then but she isn't naive, she knows how to make her own damn decisions. I'll continue to stay away because if there is one thing I've learned, its that being separated from the only family you have is the worst thing imaginable. So if it means sacrificing a chance at trying to one day make amends to her to appease you all, then I will. Consider this the last thing I'll ever say on that topic.
I'm not trying to excuse what I've done and if that is what you take from this than go ahead. I've made choices and they are mine alone. Others played a hand but in the end it was always my decision. That's something I'm coming to terms with more now than ever. Just as this is my decision. In the past 6 months I have given half hearted apologies to few. I figured it was easier to stay out of your way and have limited interaction but that isn't so easy. Well, no more. Apologizing will hardly mean anything to most of you but you will receive it anyway.
Jefferson & Grace - I've said it before but I am sorry that I kept you apart from one another.
Belle & Rumple - I've expressed regret before but that was hidden under discussion of putting things in the past. I don't expect you to even believe this is sincere but I am sorry. You never should have been used as a means to get back at him.
David & Emma - Neither of you deserved what you've had to go through because of me. I've said once that I was sorry and I'll say it again. Believe it or not, I am.
Graham - Nothing I say changes what I did; can make up for what you've been put through because of my anger and hatred. I'll offer an apology but I completely expect it to be ignored.
Ruby - I'm sorry.
Snow - I've said everything that there is to say to you. You know it all and there is no need for repetition.
[Henry]
I know I've hurt you and I know that you know I'm sorry. But I told you I will continue to say it and I will. I am sorry for ever hurting you. I love you and I always will.