Oh, carnino That was his life then. This is his life now. Maybe you wouldn't have fit in his life before. If he had a wife and kids and was working the nine to five job, I admit, you're right. I don't think there is anyway you could have gotten in. But that isn't who he is now. What Sam is doing now, his losing this Jessica, it changed him. You probably don't want to be reminded about that but that action placed him on a completely different path. Because of that action, he's had experiances that he never would have had. Both good and bad, he's a different person. I doubt that you would have fallen in love with the Sam Jessica fell in love with. You need to accept the fact that Jessica was someone he loved and that maybe a part of him will always love her, but she isn't who he is in love with anymore. I might not know Sam as well as you do but I've gotten to know him in the past months, and I can say with complete certainty that if he wanted a Jessica replicate, he would have found one instead of staying with you. The fact that he is with you, should prove to you that he's made peace with her and he's moved on.
I'm glad you realize that he loves you because then I'd be wondering where but you need to also remember that Sam made his choice. And he chose you. I can understand wanting the best for someone you love but Ruby ... he knows what you did. He knows who you worked for. You hurt him big time and still he's here, giving you a chance. You need to find a way to stop doubting it and respect his decision. I said it before and I will continue to say it again until, you believe me. If Sam wanted easier and simpler. Sam would have went out and gotten that life. You said he left it before. Then he could leave it again. Or he could do it part-time. Or he could get himself a girlfriend that was something of that life. But he hasn't, has he?
As for Azazel. I don't know what to tell you. It's one thing I think. I think that Sam should respect who he was to you. He doesn't have to like it but he should .. he probathe demon fucked up his life, Ruby. I want to say that you should just never mention it and just deal with it. Because he really fucked up Sam's life. And what dothat woudln't be fair to you And that that this will be one of the things that the two of you will never agree upon. It's something the two of you will have to work around, you'll find a way.