If that's your most embarrassing moment, then I think you're doing well overall.
[...Kat]
It's impossible to say, really. I know that isn't the answer you want, but it's all I have. It's up to you, basically. Your mind has been in a dark and painful place. There's medications that may help you not get that low again, but I can't promise you'll never experience another episode as the one you just had.