I understand that. Some of my friends here are ones that I have wronged. I lied to them, betrayed them, and it is more than difficult to earn back their trust. There are days when I don't feel I deserve their trust and I sometimes wonder what good they could possibly see in me, but if it wasn't for them, I would fall back inside myself. Walking the road of redemption is extremely hard, and it is so easily to just stop, but like you, I am fairly certain if I ever gave in to my dark side again, I would never come back from it.
I am truly sorry for that. Was she taken from you?