I'm scared of that too. Even if there's not the teas here, there's other stuff and I'm scared I'll want to escape the withdrawal with those. Slipping back to what's familiar is so easy, and so damn tempting. And I guess it's worse for you if everyone has an issue with you, like you said. No one should have to deal with this kind of shite on their own.
Yeah, that's how it worked. You could take anything you wanted. Even the darker emotions, like Blood Lust, oh that was an interesting to take. But the come down would leave you shaking for days, so you'd take a dose of Calm to get through. But then that got boring, so you took some Excitement. And then you'd need teas to get up in the morning, or to help actually sleep at night.
It's all you can do in the end, one step at a time. Being determined to get through each day as it comes. Behavior types are addictions especially the darker sides of it because it makes everything so easy. But not many people understand that. You survived a whole lot of shit in your life though, by the sounds of it. Reckon that makes a girl stronger than most.