You seem to have made breaking cell phones an art form.
...shit, you finally ask for help and it's me you ask, why would I don't know HOW to help you, didn't you get that from the massive disaster that was London?
We'll get you some, then. Some help that is way more qualified than me. For now, I can come over, so you're not alone? Which sounds really really ridiculously dramatic but if it helps, whatever, I'm almost okay with tha I'll bring cake. I found awesome cake at this bakery in Vermont... Do you like coconut? Lemon?