Ruby
My essays are just a result of me missing you so much. Not being able to see you was one thing, but cutting off communication altogether made me feel like you were halfway across the world and then some. All I have to say is good luck getting me to shut up at dinner tonight.
I was always going to be this dark, with or without you. Azazel planted that blood inside me years before I met you. You may have helped bring that side of me out, but it was always there, hiding underneath the surface. It's always going to be there and I think for all the luring you did, even you haven't seen the worst of it. Wanna know why? Because you stopped before it got that far. It could have and I know you would have twisted me beyond recognition if we hadn't fallen in love, but you didn't. That means something.
That's the thing about wronging a person. They can either hold it against you or they can move on and let go. I've long since forgiven you for everything that happened back then. The lies, the tricks, the games. All of it. You might not understand why and you might not even want for me to forgive you, because maybe it'd be easier if I didn't, but I do. I think if you can forgive me for being such a douchebag and nearly killing you off when I was on the blood, you should be able to forgive yourself too.
No. It wouldn't be easier. I need you in my life, Ruby. You're the only one out there for me and I'd be in hell without you.
But it was my fault. He sent the blood. I made the choice to drink it. Same as you offering it to me and me being the one that was willing to take it. I need to accept the blame for my actions. I relapsed because of me and that's something that I have to acknowledge if I'm gonna get better.