Sam
Your essays make me swoon. Was this the intent? Sam look, I get that you love me and that you're not going anywhere, but that feeling that I'm dragging you down, it takes a lot to push that away. I feel like that badness is deserved cause of everything I've done in my past, and done to you. That self doubt? Its cause I was the worst kind of monster and everything I've done thats new its because of you. Its because of what you taught me, how to be better. Its because you love me that I am what I am and I swear I sound like a cheesy ballad right now but its true. It got to the point where I couldn't stay away from you, take all the reasons away I couldn't walk away even when I knew the blood was wrong. I kept giving in because you'd look at me and you'd seduce me and I'd feel like it was the one thing I could give you that would make you stay. So its my fault too. But you have to admit without meeting me you'd probably be better off now, not addicted, not darker than you should be. I did that to you and its a burden I do carry, I'm sorry it hurts you but its true.
I know how strong we are together, but so many things keep tearing us down, one after the other and its hard, its complicated and its cruel. And I wonder how many more are to come. And if I'm strong enough to keep fighting. I love you, I'll always love you but I keep putting you through all this. Do you want me to keep coming back? Wouldn't it be easier, wouldn't your life be easier if you didn't have the constant reminder of everything bad you ever did right there with a ring on her finger?
...Forget it, never mind. Its stupid worries that never go away. I shouldn't need to hear it. I should know better.
Please don't blame yourself for slipping up. It was Brady's doing, not yours.