She looked away sadly for a moment trying to gather her thoughts confused as they were. "Actually, You...wouldn't have been with me at all if I hadn't been. How else would our paths have ever crossed that didn't mean exorcism or death. I'm not saying its good, what I did. I'm learning. I am and I didn't like what I was doing to you, and I'm learning that its bad, the other stuff I did. I get it. But why can't it be about making you proud as well as being right. I've pretty much been judging what's right off of you. Lilith, she wanted me to kill some people and the only thing that stopped me is I knew that you wouldn't forgive it. You forgave the parts of my past you knew but I was done with it. Thats what you believed and it had to be true" She stood herself and stared out the window, just watching the world go by unaware of how close it had come to its own demise.
Eyes flickering to the ground she spoke again. "I'll try. I'm going to try and I'll figure out why. I'll figure out how it all works. That's whats going to take me time. I don't have my own humanity but I look at you. That's how I know. That's how I judge. I think what you would do."
When he decided to leave she merely nodded looking toward the kitchen. "I'll tell him. Look, its on you, whenever you're ready to talk you contact me. I'll stay out of your way until then. We can talk online if its easier for you, But yeah, take however long you need to think. Breathe, I get it. I really do. And tell Dean I..." she laughed almost an irony to it all, "Nah never mind. Just go make sure your brothers okay"
She wanted to hug him, something, give him some sign of how much she wanted to fix this. But the best thing she thought she could do for him now was...well, nothing but what he'd asked. She did turn from the window, forcing herself to look at him. "I don't deserve this chance, I really don't. But thank you for giving it to me. You have no idea how much it means and I swear, I won't let you down."