It felt so...strange to have her own actions summed up and offered back to her in such a matter-of-fact way. But it did seem that Kol had the gist of what had happened. So, Bonnie nodded, not even trying to hide the frown that marred her face. Not only did they cut her off for doing something they didn't approve of, but they had forced her into doing things that she didn't actually want to do. She'd done some of the things she had because they had wanted her to, even thought they didn't explain the why.
"Up until that point I'd done what they'd wanted me to, though." Bonnie offered, though her tone conveyed that that hadn't exactly been happily so. He had told her that he needed full disclosure and all the info, so here it was. She was sharing, even if it felt....weird.
Bonnie wasn't exactly relaxing, but she did sit back against the bench and move to lift a leg up so that she could sit on it. "He did trick me. I didn't know what I was getting into really. All he told me was that it was another kind of magic, at first, and it was another way for me to help. I didn't know the risks."
The sad thing was, though, that even if he had laid the risks out....she would have been tempted to do it...and she knew that she would have at the very least seriously considered saying yes. And she even felt guilt, just a tad, for saying that. Maybe Kol didn't understand how empty it felt, but she still remembered. Not being able to call on that magic and not being able to feel the nature around her....it still kind of got to her sometimes, actually.
"I know that now." Bonnie repeated the words, and she did know that now. It would have been better if she'd known that at the time, though. Bonnie nodded, feeling a bit like a bobble head at the moment. Kol was putting pieces together pretty easily, but it was still her life, it was still things that she carried with her and had gone through. He needed to know, though, in order to help.
He had to ask the worst possible question for a Bennett witch, though. Or maybe it was just the worst question for THIS Bennett witch. "The guilt about my grams...a little, but I've heaped on more guilt about other things since then. It's just what I do. I feel like I should solve problems and help my friends and if I fail them in some way...or play a part in people I care about getting killed...." Bonnie gave a vague gesture, feeling like the rest was pretty self explanatory with the 'I blame myself' bit.
She carried the most guilt about her grams, Jeremy, and her father....but her mother was even there a little bit, even though she hadn't died unlike the others.