AFTERMATH- Tahiri/Jacen
Well there it was in as many words. The reason he had to hold together. The reason he couldn't let the darkness in. And Tahiri had told him she loved him with no expectation of a return. Because he couldn't yet. He had tried, he could have told her those words she must have wanted from him so very badly but he couldn't say them quite yet. She'd have him in her life, he'd be with her, be there for her and for their children and he would love those children. But those words...he didn't know when the day might come that she would get them from him.
Different paths had led them here. His actions in making her what she was, hers in trusting him at the expense of the other Jedi, all of it added up to this.
"I taught you well." he told her as she pushed against him letting the almost blessed pain in. Taking strength from it, using it. And he needed that too. Here in a world without his sister he would need that from her. And she would be there for him, she'd give him that strength if he asked her to. He wished he could say the words in return. She deserved them. She called him capable of love and sometimes he really did wonder. He'd made her everything she was and he hadn't done that out of love. Oh she didn't regret it now but he'd made her into his apprentice, lied to her, manipulated her, taken her to his bed when he'd needed someone. He had cared for her throughout of course but how was that even close to love, and how on earth could she keep her faith in him.
"I will do this. I just, it will take some time for me to get used to her not being there. To get used to the empty space that was always, always her. I'm going to need you. Quite a lot."