|Kol Mikaelson kills for sport. (itchtokill) wrote in wariscoming,|
@ 2013-10-09 19:21:00
|Entry tags:||kol mikaelson|
Feels. They're back! Oops?
Wednesday, October 9, 2013; Mikaelson house
Finally, Kol Mikaelson was himself again
Two weeks. Two weeks out of a thousand years, but they were probably two of the most out of control weeks he'd ever had. And that was saying something, because Kol was rarely all that controlled to begin with. Finally, Kol Mikaelson was himself again, truly back to himself, exactly as he should be, no demon running about in his head, no excessive lack of emotions looming about. He was back and he wasn't even sure how to begin processing everything that had happened. And maybe there was a twinge of guilt sitting there for some of it, mostly the things that involved him siblings, but there a few select others he didn't feel completely thrilled about the way they'd been treated either. He honestly never would have expected to be very affected by anything a demon could have done or said while in his body, but somehow he'd actually managed to allow a few people to squirm their way into his life and call themselves friends. And the things it had done. All it had said. Especially to his siblings. He wasn't quite sure how he would repair it. Of course, there were also things they'd said themselves in kind that, now that he had time to sit and think and fucking feel, stung in their own right, even though they were thrown at the demon, Kol knew they were spoken thinking it was him. And sometimes this family was utterly cruel to one another. Especially the brothers. Nik with his allusion to the fact that he would choose Caroline over the rest of them if it came down to it; Elijah with his snide remark about hoping that maybe, just maybe Nik had slipped one of the daggers away for safe keeping. None of it sat well with him.
The possession was the worst, by far. He'd fought, God, he'd fought hard against it and for a moment, he'd even thought he'd gotten out scott free, but in the end it had won and he hated it. He hated every last damn second of it and he hoped whatever was happening down below that it suffered. What truly shook him to the core, though, was how utterly helpless he'd been during all of it. He was a simple bystander, lost in his own body somehow. He had no control, he could only watch as it all unfolded. That thing making a mockery of whatever bit of a life he'd managed to build here, tearing down every bit of progress he'd made with his family.
And adding insult to injury, the damn thing had gone and switched his emotions off in a last ditch effort at screwing things up. And it had worked, at least for a bit, and had even managed to put his family in a panic. One they never should have had to suffer to begin with because that was the last bloody thing Kol wanted. He had only turned that switch one other time, early on sometime in that first century after they had been made into what they were, when everything was still so new and so overwhelming that really, how could anyone be expected to handle it anyway. It was short-lived, though, and he had decided he hated it and would never be that person again. But here he was, and he had been and it hadn't even been his choice, wasn't his decision. He hated everything about it. The apathy. The emptiness. How he truly did not care about anything at all. Not his family, not even the thrill of a hunt, not really. There was no excitement, no happiness, no anger, nothing. Just a blank slate and an empty shell of who he truly was.
Lexi had put him through hell in her sessions with him. She'd had Elijah and Rebekah flanking her, protection that she had definitely needed a couple of times because the first thing she'd done was anything she could to piss him off and make him hate her. Because at the very least, hate was something and something was certainly better than nothing. She'd worked on the rest from there and Kol wasn't sure how you thanked someone for that sort of thing. Mostly just a mumbled "thanks" was all he'd really managed.
But now. Now he had to deal with it. And as nice as ignoring it might have been, he wouldn't trade it for anything. Kol wasn't the most caring sort, he was not one to be advocating world peace or insisting everyone just get along, but there was still a very heavy sense of emotion that followed him around. He was opinionated, loud, maybe obnoxious, and he was always, always an expressive person. And having that stripped away had been so far from okay to him, especially because it wasn't even his own choice. He'd had no say.