Smiling was something that Helena hadn't done much of until she'd begun growing closer to Oswin. Back home, she'd been too entrenched in the seriousness of work, of tracking down the Borgia Dagger, then putting together that Artie had used Magellan's Astrolabe. Helena hadn't had good reason to be happy until she'd been sent back here to Lawrence and met Oswin. Happiness was something that Helena had not had much of in the last century of her life, but as it stood now, she was not going to give up on happiness. She wasn't going to let the fear of losing it keep her from embracing it now. Helena needed this, she needed people in her life. The Victorian woman never did well being alone, which was part of why it had been difficult for her to transition out of the isolated state when she'd arrived back here. Helena wasn't going to let her past dictate her actions, to let her fear take over. There was no reason to allow that to happen. She had the chance to be happy, and she was going to take it.
Likewise, Helena knew she needed to move on from things. She'd spent far too long being entrenched in her past, controlled by her fears. She was realizing her inner strength, a strength she'd never truly seen in herself until recently. It would be a disservice to herself and to those she loved to continue letting her past control her. The last thing Helena wanted was to lose Svetlana's friendship. The Russian woman had come to mean so much to Helena. She loved her deeply, and while at one time that love had been in a romantic sense, it had turned into the love for a friend, yet it ran deeper than just simple friendship. The love was complex, and despite all the bad things that had happened to both women in Lawrence, she was grateful that they had met.
"I do, I am not about to let her go." Unless Oswin didn't want her any longer, but that wasn't the case currently so Helena wasn't thinking about that possibility. "But I also have more than just my love for Oswin. I have the love I share with you, with Emily, with my friends." Helena looked at Svetlana, knowing that by acknowledging and reminding herself of that, it was rather obvious Moriarty had ultimately failed in his quest to destroy her. He'd already failed in the fact she was alive when he'd clearly meant her to die.
The Victorian woman was coming out of the darker recesses of her mind. She was able to see the good she had in her life, the good that Moriarty had been unable to take from her. It was difficult to come to terms with what had happened, and she knew she had a lot to work through in healing the damage he had done to her, but love certainly went a long way to healing things like that. Helena also now had made a conscious choice to heal herself. She could already tell the wounds on her heart were healing from the love she'd allowed herself to feel, to opening her heart to Oswin much as opening her heart to Emily had helped her heal from losing Christina. Helena would always mourn Christina, a mother never could fully heal from the loss of a child. But she wouldn't let the loss hold her back from living her life. Helena had every reason to live and be happy, and she was going to do just that.