The Victorian woman was at least in a better mindset now and was more centered so she could take advice when given. Helena had known she'd screwed up in that respect before the Seal had sent her home. And she knew that she was more than lucky that Svetlana had even talked to her after she'd come back, after having pushed their friendship to the breaking point. So she wasn't taking this for granted. In fact, there was little that Helena took for granted any longer. She treasured her friendships, she treasured Oswin and Emily, and she knew she needed to celebrate that she was alive. She'd stared death in the face far too many times to miss the fact she was still alive. And here, she had the things she'd always secretly longed for. She wasn't about to start taking them all for granted as she knew how precious time actually was.
Helena's track record as far as her love life went was by and large not a good one. Even before she'd come to Lawrence the first time, she'd experienced relationships ending badly. Vincent had betrayed her, using their liaisons to gain access to the rocket she was working on. So many times back in her day, she'd been the other woman, though it had been a time when it was socially acceptable for a man to have as many mistresses as he wanted. That didn't mean that there weren't those Helena had fallen in love with for she did fall in love. They could be counted on one hand, but Helena's heart was one that had great capacity for love when she was open to it. She could love deeply, it was largely she wasn't given the opportunity for her to embrace it fully. She did of course realize Irene hadn't fully understood her, Helena wasn't blind to that. She'd also known Bruce hadn't fully understood her either.
But Oswin was different. To her, she wasn't just the great H.G. Wells or she wasn't just good in bed. Helena could tell just by the way Oswin talked to her that she viewed her differently than many of the other lovers she'd had in her life. It was something new and a bit terrifying if she were to be honest, but Helena wasn't running away from it. Oswin allowed her to embrace her love, and while she hadn't yet told her how she truly felt, Helena was determined to let Oswin feel it. And for the first time in a very long time, Helena was starting to feel that she belonged somewhere.
At Svetlana's statement, Helena couldn't help the smile that spread across her face. It even reached her eyes, giving their dark depths a sparkle that could only be described as being love.
"Yes, exactly, the way I love Oswin." It was the first time she'd said the words aloud, but she didn't shy away from it. It was something Moriarty hadn't tainted, he hadn't taken away her ability to love. After she'd arrived in Lawrence with the Astrolabe, Helena had initially doubted her ability to reconnect with people. She'd spent so much time alone after her return to her world. Yet here she was, having found a way to reconnect in her personal relationships with people, to be a mother to Emily again, and most of all, to love Oswin.