Who: Lois Lane What: investigating things Where: a stakeout on the streets of Lawrence When: last night after her texts with Clark Warnings: brooding, a little pile of self-doubting emoness
It was funny how quickly a good day could change into a crappy one. There had been so many good ones recently, despite a wicked witch and her annoying spells, life had been looking up and Lois thought that was the problem. She’d grown complacent, actually started to believe in love, and thought that maybe she wouldn’t screw up her relationship with Clark like she had every single other partnership she’d ever allowed herself to be part of. His text kept blinking in her mind, that damn sentence repeating itself and causing her to speed up her pace as she trailed her target. She couldn’t stop thinking about it, no matter how Clark had tried to talk her down, to explain what he’d meant. She wouldn’t listen to it, wouldn’t listen to him, her anger wrapping around her like a security blanket so she didn’t have to focus on how much such a simple sentence had hurt her.
Saving lives is more important than following leads.
It’d been like a punch in the gut when she’d first read it, all amusing retorts vanishing as she repeatedly viewed the screen, looking between the lines for what it meant. What he did was more important than what she did. What she did wasn’t important. It didn’t matter, it didn’t help. She wasn’t a hero. No one needed her or her stories. All those hours put into each article, her never ending drive to find the truth and report it, to expose the seedy underbelly of what was happening in Lawrence was a waste of time.
Well fuck him. She’d prove just how valuable what she did was to the world, how much it mattered, how much it could help people. A good article could change the way people viewed the world. She didn’t need to put on tights and wear a damn cape in order to do that. All Lois needed was her own drive and she certainly didn’t need a damn partner holding her back.
She crossed the street, narrowly missing a collision with a car that sped around the corner. That was the problem though wasn’t it? She had liked having a partner. She’d like having Clark around to watch her back, to bounce ideas off of, to lighten the mood or keep it serious as needed, to fetch her coffee when she desperately needed one. She may have told him she would be just fine on her own, and while Lois knew she would be able to survive just fine doing things solo, she really didn’t want to go back to how things had been. But how could she work with Clark when he didn’t think that what she did was important? And if he thought that way then how in the world could she be in a relationship with him?
It was like she’d been punched in the gut again at the mere thought of calling things quits with Clark. Her flight or fight response was on the fritz, trying to pull her in both directions. She didn’t know which way to go this time, even if usually she’d have run the hell away once a relationship hit a rough patch. It was different with Clark though and she didn’t quite understand why that was yet.
Usually he was the one person who did seem to understand her drive, to accept that she was never going to be that person who’d let something go and would keep digging until she found out the truth. He was the one person she felt could keep up with her banter, someone who made her feel like she was important. Like she was actually needed by someone, that she did truly matter. Maybe not in the grand scheme of things, but she mattered to him. She’d been certain of that, and even while she doubted if he understood why she did her job anymore, she was still certain she mattered to him.
Why else would he keep texting her?
It was just one stupid out of place word. You know that's not how I...
She wanted to believe that, wanted to accept that he’d simply mistyped and the entire conversation had been a pointless misunderstanding, but her doubts were eating away at her and Lois couldn’t easily push them aside. All she could see was that he’d said what she did was important to her. No mention of the world, of him, so the uncertainty kept festering as she followed her target into a rather seedy part of town.
Lois didn’t even know where she was anymore. She hadn’t been paying attention like she usually did. Her focus had been diverted and she wasn’t prepared at all for anything that she might find that night. She didn’t even have a camera on her, only her cell that was nearly out of power.
Her phone vibrated in her pocket, and she fished it out, reading over Clark’s latest texts in reply to her own, hoping for something in his response to help calm her down.
Did you forget what happened last time you tried to crack open a story by yourself?.
She wanted to throw her phone at that response, but instead turned it off, finished with their conversation.
Lois would show him. She could do this story without him and she’d be able to show that her stories were important, that she could change the world in her own way. Make it a little better for people and she didn’t even need any damn superpowers in order to accomplish it.