InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "D is for detonator"

Ziva David can kill you with a paper clip (wearenailed) wrote in wariscoming,
@ 2013-02-22 16:07:00

Entry tags:

abby sciuto, ziva david

Who: Abby Sciuto and Ziva David
What: Ziva has to be the Gibbs figure and it's weird because Abby is having feels
When: Midday 22 February 2013
Where: Bowling alley at the edge of town
Warnings: TBD but I'm guessing angst of the peppy goth
Status: Incomplete

Ziva wasn't unaware of what had been going on around her. In fact, she had noticed that Abby was acting far from her usual self. She had thought initially it was the concern and uncertainty in regards to the Navy Yard, but once she had made her bauble wish to know the outcome, the change had not gone away. It hadn't been as obvious, but Abby was still acting... off. It troubled the Israeli woman as she was used to Abby being energetic and optimistic. She had her moments, of course, everyone did. But never like this, and never for this long. The fact that Abby had pretended that she was going to work to throw Ziva only to disappear? That made the younger woman annoyed. Because this place? She knew Abby could handle herself but Ziva still didn't like this whole disappearing act. Not with the added threat of supernatural dangers on top of the ones they were used to from their line of work.

With Tony on lab duty, Ziva had left work and headed back to Lawrence. The next trick was figuring out where Abby would have gone to. She wasn't in their apartment at the complex and her things were still there. Not that she would have been able to call in had she been eaten by the Seal but she worried. We really need Gibbs here... It wasn't the first time Ziva had thought as much. For as open as Abby was with the entire team, the fact remained that it was Gibbs who was her go to person when she was upset. They had worked together the longest. And now that fell to Ziva. It was strange at times, that she and Abby had grown as close as they had. It had taken years but it was still very much them. Which was why when she passed a bakery, she stopped and purchased the chocolate lover's cupcake. It had taken her time to find it, but she had found a bakery which made the same cupcake as the one Ziva had given Abby when they had first truly become friends. So hopefully this work. Well, once she found the forensics specialist.

With no one saying anything on noticing her, Ziva was more than slightly annoyed but she also knew the hobbies Abby had. One of which was bowling. And as there were no bingo games in the area, it was checking all of the nearby bowling alleys. It was the last one she checked when Ziva noticed her friend and roommate. Furthest from the door and not seeming anything like herself. Bowling, Ziva could never understand the appeal but no matter. Renting a pair of the disgusting shoes, she made her way to the lane Abby was in and changed her shoes, watching for a moment, her bag and cupcake holder on the chair beside her.

"Is this a new version of medicine, then?"

(Post a new comment)

needsacafpow
2013-02-23 06:20 am UTC (link)

Rationally, Abby knew that people knew she was having issues. She did care about them and while she wanted to talk to them, what could she possibly say, really? Abby was having immense difficulty digesting things. It wasn't even really about NCIS headquarters being blown up any more. The fact that Ziva had used her bauble wish to find out the outcome of that had helped Abby. At least in the sense where she didn't have to worry if they were all dead back home or not. Though while the worry had stopped, other thoughts and issues had begun to creep in. They'd only been solidified by Jenny sneaking away from her and ending up hurt, and then with Ziva dying temporarily. This world was just justifying these doubts she was having. Doubts that had been growing into larger, darker issues that Abby didn't know how to handle.

She was the happy one, the one who always found a way to be happy and give everyone else a pep talk to get them through the tough times. But apparently even Abby had her limit of how much bad she could handle. That limit had been reached, and instead of turning to Ziva, Tony, Jenny or Booth for help, she shut down. Had she planned to give face of going in to work that morning so Ziva wouldn't stop her? No. It was just something she did after she woke up. She wanted to be alone, and while she could have just told Ziva she was taking time to herself, she knew Ziva would've at the very least followed her. Because Abby wasn't blind, she knew Ziva was worried, but how could Abby tell her that she'd lost her hope? Saying such a thing really felt like Abby was announcing that Lucifer had just won and was about to exterminate all of them. When Abby ran out of hope, there was a serious issue.

After putting in her call, Abby had wandered Lawrence for a while just thinking. She wasn't even aiming to go anywhere, she just didn't want to sit in her apartment all day as she knew that's where Ziva or one of the others would check first. Because she knew there would be a hunt for her once they realized she wasn't at work and had taken a sick day. Eventually, she found herself near a bowling alley. Thinking she could think better while bowling, she went inside, renting a pair of shoes and paying for several games, Abby slipped the shoes on, then spent some time sifting through the available balls. She lamented not having her bowling ball with her, but sometimes one had to make do with what was with there. Eventually she found a ball that was good enough, and she took up on the lane furthest from the door.

But bowling didn't quite help her think. It only made her sadder. None of the sisters were there to bowl with her, which only led to reminding her she was in a place with the Apocalypse being underway. Which only fueled the growing belief that no matter what she did, no matter how hard she tried to fix things and make people happy, it never really mattered. In the end, the good would always out-weigh the bad. And it was promptly at that thought that she heard Ziva's voice behind her. Abby jumped slightly and looked back at Ziva. It was probably good that she hadn't been lining up a shot at that precise moment.

"It was supposed to be. It's having the opposite effect truthfully."

(Reply to this) (Thread)

wearenailed
2013-02-23 06:35 am UTC (link)

Perhaps it was a good thing Abby wasn't lining up a shot at that moment, but it would have been an amusing image. And also more familiar. True, Ziva didn't use her powers of terrifying people on the team and that was saved for easily skittish secretaries, but still, it would have been a moment of brief levity in a situation where it was obvious that something was wrong. And it was obvious that they needed Gibbs more than ever. He was the one who knew how to fix these things, not Ziva. He may not seem the type to be able to, but he was. In his Gibbs way of getting straight to the point, of staying silent and just letting you talk until you got the crux of the matter out.

Instead, that was left to Ziva. Because Ziva was the one who knew both Lawrence and everything from home. Tony was too far removed, Shepard had proven herself to be untrustworthy. So Ziva... who was given the notification duty just because she was so bad at it, she could be professional but she knew both Gibbs and Booth liked to make her feel awkward. Or claim it a learning experience. She doubted that, though. So what exactly was she supposed to do in this matter?

"Well, I am sure that knocking pinheads down is all well and good, but it is merely temporary...."

Not that Ziva was exactly known for her ability to handle things. She bottled everything in. She had to. She fought. She ran. Anything but talk. Mandated psych evaluations were the bane of her existence. She didn't need people digging into her head, and while she could interrogate and terrify, this was something else entirely.

"It is not NCIS, so what is troubling you."

Might as well just get to the point. It was Ziva. She didn't beat around the hedge. It would get no where and she knew that Tony and Booth at least were worried about Abby as well. So being able to give them an update would be good. Not to mention the lab was undoubtedly in chaos without Abby there. Tony knew the system but he would probably go insane from the interns or they from him. Or a combination of both.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

needsacafpow
2013-02-25 10:53 am UTC (link)

Abby had known she'd been less than normal lately. And she'd known Ziva had noticed it, but she just hadn't been able to bring herself to talk about it. It wasn't that she didn't trust Ziva, it was that she didn't know how to explain the situation. So when Ziva asked the pointed question, Abby glanced down at her feet for a few moments, trying to find the best way to explain things. Ziva was lucky that Abby didn't lie. In fact, she was probably physically incapable of telling a lie. There were times where her job had required her to lie or omit truths, and even in those situations she was obvious about it. At least that part of her was still in tact.

With a thought coming to her, she looked back up at Ziva. "My first case where I used forensics to help solve a question, I'd found a teddy bear inside a wrecked truck in a junk yard. I'd used a water trick to be able to read the name on the tag, and I tracked the girl down. I tried to return the bear, thinking I'd done the right thing. But when I went to deliver it, I'd walked in on a funeral. The girl's mom had died in a car accident. The girl's dad got really upset about the bear. Eventually I learned that it had been a gift from the girl's grandpa whom her dad didn't like. And with her mom dead, she'd never be able to see him again. In the end, I kept the bear, but I gave her one of my stuffed animals, a bunny. I wanted her to have something to keep ahold of and I wanted her to know that teddy bear would be taken care of." Abby shrugged slightly then. "Not that it probably made a difference because she never got to see her grandpa again."

So Abby had started off with telling an anecdotal story. But it was easier to start with that. And knowing Ziva, she'd understand the meaning behind it. Sighing softly, Abby moved over to the rack where her ball was waiting for her to pick it up and take aim at the pins again. She brushed her fingers idly over the surface.

"As a better answer to your question, I'm trying to figure out a way to be okay with not being enough." As she said that, her voice was sad and troubled. "I am sorry for not saying anything earlier. I just don't...I mean, I'm trying to be okay and figure this out. It's just...difficult."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

wearenailed
2013-02-25 05:24 pm UTC (link)

This wasn't a suspect, this was Abby. Which meant that Ziva had to practice more restraint than she was used to. But she also knew that Abby didn't handle serious talks like this all that well. So the pause was at least expected so she could gather her thoughts. It was important, after all. Even if Ziva wasn't known for her waiting skills. It was why when they needed answers in interrogation, usually she and Gibbs paired up, because they got results. And Ziva didn't even have to resort to torture and other unsavory methods she would have utilized in Mossad.

But then Abby was finally talking and Ziva easily picked up on what was troubling her. And she could see how it would be upsetting for Abby, but the last bit? Well... that didn't sit well with the Israeli woman at all. Because if anyone should worry about that, it was Ziva. Abby was... Abby. There weren't really words to explain it. But for her to be so upset? It was wrong and Ziva needed to find a way to fix it. So she got up and went to Abby, taking the ball from her to get her attention.

"Sometimes the ways we help do not seem all that helpful to us, but they still mean a world of difference. You tried and when the desired outcome was impossible, you came up with a solution. That sort of gesture does not go unnoticed. The Talmud has a saying, he who saves one life saves the world. Sometimes it may not seem to be enough, the things we do, the things you do, but they still bring good, they still bring change, even if it is small. That little girl knew you cared, she knew that you wanted to help."

Pausing a moment, Ziva went to the cupcake holder she had brought, picking it up and moving back to Abby.

"Now, I had hoped to be able to find this for your birthday but it took a bit more research, but... I am sure you will know the significance."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

needsacafpow
2013-02-26 06:05 am UTC (link)

Knowing Ziva wasn't exactly the best in this situation, Abby was trying to both talk and get to the point quickly. Neither of them really handled these types of talks very well. But currently, they couldn't avoid it. If they continued to avoid it, it would become exceedingly more detrimental to Abby, and the last thing she wanted was to become some kind of liability to the team because she couldn't do her job properly. And she didn't want to quit her job either because she did love it. She just needed a different way of handling things. Which now meant talking to Ziva.

When Ziva took the ball from her, Abby turned her attention to Ziva, distress obvious in her blue eyes. Even with knowing this wasn't Ziva's forte, Abby was truly appreciative that she was trying. Abby didn't like being confronted with so much bad. It really went to show that good things could be eclipsed, especially in a world like the one they were currently in. At least in their world, it was only human cruelty they had to deal with. Here? It was supernatural most of the time, which only served to make Abby feel more powerless to make any kind of difference in this place. But the quote Ziva gave her from the Talmud did make her stop and think for a moment. Perhaps it was true. Saving one life did save that person's world. How many times had Abby helped stop a serial killer? Or how many times had she even given her team members a reason to smile in a time when bad things were overwhelming them all?

"It's just...the bad seems to always out-weigh the good. I know happy endings can't always happen, but I want them to. And I try to do what I can to make sure everyone's happy. But in a world like this where it's not just the normal human bad guy we can arrest, it's just...so overwhelming. But it is easier with family here." Because they were family. Even if it was only part of their family, and Tony and Jenny were from different times than they were, they were family.

When Ziva brought the cupcake holder, Abby blinked a bit in surprise. Taking it, she opened it and looked inside, seeing that familiar cupcake. And finally a smile crossed her face.

"The chocolate lover's cupcake," she stated, looking back at Ziva. She didn't really need to say anything more on that subject. Ziva had given her one as thanks several years before. That had been the true beginning of their friendship. "You managed to find the same one?" Abby hadn't precisely been actively looking for one, but she hadn't expected there to be one here. After all, she had to make her own Caf-Pow in this place. But at least the chocolate lover's cupcake seemed to be universal.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

wearenailed
2013-02-26 06:20 am UTC (link)

The important thing was that Ziva tried, because really, so not her specialty. But she was making due and it did seem to have at least some kind of effect on Abby. She was talking things out which was obviously necessary for them to even attempt to help her. Not that Ziva really knew how to help, she couldn't make things suddenly better, happy endings didn't happen, not consistently and not a lot for Ziva in general. This place? It made it all the worse. They couldn't hold onto these things if they wanted to survive, so even if Ziva didn't know how to fix it, she would at least let Abby get it out so it didn't hold her back.

"In a world like this, we need to focus on whatever good we have. Maybe it is nothing grand, but we need to find hope. I know you want everyone to be happy, but if you compile everything, it will never be enough. Just... try to focus on one thing at a time, one case at a time. Still, you are right, it is easier with family here. We have one another to lean on."

Even if Ziva still couldn't trust Shepard. She at least had Abby and Tony and Booth. Even if Tony wasn't her Tony, the one who had gone to Somalia to avenge her. The one who had been through so much with her. They at least could talk and that was more than Ziva could say on the former Director.

But seeing the smile, that was a relief. It wasn't forced. It was genuine, which was what she had hoped for. So she simply shrugged.

"I did. It took some investigative skill, but I found it."

Because she had seen how upset Abby had been and it had been the only thing she could think of that might feasibly help. And it seemed her instinct on that was right.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

needsacafpow
2013-03-02 10:16 pm UTC (link)

This entire situation wasn't ideal by any means. But the fact Ziva was there and was trying did help. Abby knew she should've said something before, but things had been so tense. Ziva and Jenny didn't get along. The aftermath of Booth having been possessed and killing Ziva. Everything regarding NCIS headquarters being blown up. It had all snowballed down on Abby until she couldn't take it all anymore. And by that point, she just couldn't quite find the words to express herself, so she'd remained silent, becoming more and more erratic in her behavior. Though at least she hadn't exactly snapped at anyone in the process. Well, aside from the interns. Whom she owed a huge apology to, she realized.

"You're right, we do." Because in a place such as this, having some good and holding onto it went a long way. Or so Abby always believed when she wasn't demoralized. But this was certainly something she'd needed. "I just don't like people being unhappy. Which goes against the mood I've been in of late. But I suppose even I have my limit." Which Abby really didn't even like knowing, but what could she really do about it? Everyone had their limits of how happy they could be, and despite past experiences where she'd slipped into depression, she'd never before been this depressed. Abby always found a way to bounce back quickly, but this time? She hadn't bounced back. "I don't like knowing that there is a point that I don't bounce back quickly from."

It was difficult, but at least Ziva hadn't simply just let Abby continue slipping away. Not that Abby thought Ziva would just let things continue the way they had.

"I'm glad you found it." Because really, the meaning behind it was more than meaningful. "Thank you, Ziva. And at least this time McGee can't eat it." Which she possibly still held against McGee in a way. And it was also an addition of some levity to the conversation. Though quickly after that, Abby pulled Ziva into a tight hug, though it wasn't her usual type of hug. There was more meaning behind it, and probably was more of a cling, similar to the hug she'd given Ziva after she'd returned from Somalia.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

wearenailed
2013-03-02 10:32 pm UTC (link)

Nothing was ideal in the situation. Lawrence in general tended to fall under that category of not being ideal. It was why they had to hold onto the good things. Because if they just let everything bury them, they would never even be able to get up in the morning. Not those of weaker mental states, those who let themselves be overwhelmed by almost anything. Ziva had a high tolerance for the bad, but even she knew if she didn't hold onto the small good things, she'd become buried underneath it all.

At least Abby was listening. But that wasn't such a major concern. It was Abby. Even when upset and pacing, she still listened. Because she genuinely cared and wanted to feel better so if there was a way to do so, then she would. Ziva was thankful for that, because she didn't know what she would do had Abby kept this all in and continued her downwards spiral.

"We all have our limits, Abby, it is just part of life. But even though I agree and dislike that there is that point, it isn't necessarily a bad thing. It is just life. The important thing is that you don't let it consume you."

It was the best Ziva could do in this entire situation. Give the advice she tried to follow for herself and pray that Abby found a way to hold onto it and make something of it. And there was the levity that had been missing as of late. A joke at McGee's expense. Usually it was Tony who went that route, but in this, it was Abby and Ziva smiled.

"Yes, it is good that he is not here to eat it."

But then she was being hugged. Which, okay, not as shocking as one might think. It was Abby. But Ziva could tell the type of hug. The one she had gotten after Abby laid into her why she never should have left, never should have stopped trusting Tony, even as she realized while tirading why it had made sense. The hug that had Ziva just staring at a welcome back banner. So she returned it. Because she knew both of them needed this. The reassurance. The knowledge that they were both here and alive, even if the others didn't know everything, or couldn't be trusted anymore.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

needsacafpow
2013-03-05 07:22 am UTC (link)

Under normal circumstances, Abby was better at holding onto the good things. But Lawrence wasn't exactly a normal place. This was a very different place to the world they came from. If all Abby had to deal with was headquarters being blown up, she would have bounced back after Ziva told her everyone was fine. But given things that had happened with Ziva dying and Jenny sneaking out behind her back, that had just dragged Abby down further. She didn't like the fact that she couldn't pick herself back up the way she normally could. But Ziva was right, it was just a part of life.

And really, that was one of the good things about Abby, she did always listen. As long as one could get her to stop ranting or talking over people, she could listen. Abby didn't like being sad almost as much as she didn't like seeing others sad. It didn't take much to get Abby back on the right track once she actually opened up about what was bothering her.

"I will work on it. And I will tell you if it's not working. That is a promise." Abby accentuated her words with a pointed nod. In this, Ziva could trust her because Abby never went back on her word. In fact, Abby was probably the only member of the team incapable of lying or breaking her word. She never got as far as breaking out in hives, but she was always noticeably stressed and agitated if she was even near breaking her word or lying. It was why she'd acted so weird when she'd been the pretend mole to catch Agent Lee. It was why she'd nearly broken out in hives when Jenny had given her evidence to process but to keep it quiet from everyone else. She didn't do well with those kinds of things. And Ziva was also correct in the fact that when Abby was feeling bad, she always did what she could to make herself feel better.

The hug was sorely needed for a multitude of reasons. It reaffirmed that they were both alive and well. It was also a reaffirmation of their friendship. It also served as a healing function for Abby. She was a hugger and believed in hug therapy. And this hug was certainly hug therapy. And at least Ziva no longer flinched when Abby hugged her. Though in the early days, Abby had probably exercised hug therapy a bit more frequently than necessary with Ziva if only to get her used to hugs. Behavioral therapy. It worked because now Ziva just went with the flow, most of the time.

"You are the bestest friend ever, Ziva." Abby wasn't sure if she'd ever said as much to Ziva, but she felt she should say it. Because Ziva was her best friend, and especially when Tony and Jenny were from their past, at least they had each other to hold onto and they both knew an equal amount of what they'd lived through. "Thank you."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

wearenailed
2013-03-06 03:33 am UTC (link)

Lawrence really did put a strain on people, so it wasn't so surprising that even Abby would struggle with the things they dealt with. Because it was more. She had died. Ziva didn't pretend it didn't happen. She dreamt about it even now. But she also knew that there was nothing she could do on that fact but move on with her life. But it was a reminder of how fickle this place could be. She could have remained dead. She could die again and not come back. Abby or Booth or Tony or even the Director. It was how she survived everything, though. Pick herself up, learn and move on. Sometimes she was more jaded, but sometimes, she softened. Let herself open up after the pain.

Still, Ziva was more than slightly relieved that Abby did actually listen and that it wasn't like talking to a concrete wall. So at the promise to tell her if things weren't working but that she would at least try, Ziva nodded. Because she was right. She would know if Abby were lying. One, it was what Ziva did. And two? Well, Abby was a horrible liar. She was literally incapable of doing so. Which.. in terms of friendship did help given Ziva's trust issues. And why she doubted she would ever trust Shepard again. First what happened back home, and then the sneaking out and getting hurt, lying to Abby and ignoring a warning and order to keep her safe because of her pride.

It had taken a long time for Ziva to be used to hugs, but Abby had worn her down, quite literally. She had no other real option but to get used to them. She invaded Tony's personal space all the time. But hugs were different. They were more personal. They meant more.

But then Abby said something that completely threw the Israeli woman. She knew that they had grown close over the years at NCIS and then living with one another in Lawrence this time around because they had both been coping with the explosion at headquarters. But she never realized how Abby felt. The older woman wore her heart on her sleeve and loved everyone, but there was a truth to her words, that it wasn't just a spur of the moment sentiment, that it felt right. It was real. And Ziva didn't know how to handle that. She wasn't used to having close female friends. Even now, she never knew just how to label things beyond the fact that the team was family.

"I.... you're welcome, Abby...."

Because words and feelings, those would never be Ziva's strong suit, in fact, they would be what would throw her. Like now. But thankfully, Abby knew that. And she wouldn't take offense to Ziva not knowing how to respond as with her, it was the actions that did the speaking, not the words.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

needsacafpow
2013-03-17 07:00 am UTC (link)

Abby really knew she should've talked to Ziva long before things had even gotten to this point, but it was understandable why she hadn't. Like Ziva, Abby didn't do these kinds of conversations well. She really couldn't do the negative talks or talk about bad things because, well, she didn't like dwelling on the bad things in life. Life was supposed to be enjoyed, not spent bogged down in the horrible things that happened in it. Which was probably ironic given the line of work Abby was in, but she did genuinely help people in her job. She helped catch the bad guys and get them off the street so they couldn't hurt anyone else. Sometimes it was just a difficult thing to remember that aspect of her job, especially in a world like they were currently in.

That was the story of life, really, that sometimes you had to take the bad with the good. While the bad may sometimes outweigh the good, you still needed to hold onto the good lest you go insane and lose yourself. And Abby had been losing herself. That was brought to a screeching halt when Ziva had shown up in the bowling alley because Abby couldn't run any longer. But she didn't have to change herself, she didn't have to be okay with the bad that happened. Everything had overwhelmed her, that much was obvious, but she would certainly do her best to ensure things never got to this point again.

Ziva's response to her wasn't unexpected. It had always been something that was inferred and never truly spoken in their interactions. But Abby had come to hold Ziva as her best friend. It had taken both of them a long time to get to that point, but over the years, Abby had gained an understanding of Ziva both inside and out. She knew this wasn't the Israeli woman's strong point and she never knew how to respond in these situations. However, Abby knew Ziva felt the same about her otherwise Ziva wouldn't even be there at the present moment. So instead of throwing more of such emotional words and revelations at Ziva, Abby smiled and glanced over her shoulder at the pins that were awaiting the game to be continued.

"I did buy several games, so why don't you join me? Seeing you in bowling shoes is not a sight I get to see." And there was some levity. It would of course take a little more time for Abby to be okay again, but she was moving in the right direction. And after finally getting those things off her chest, she felt an immense sense of relief on the matter.

And the chocolate lover's cupcake was finally hers.

(Reply to this) (Parent)