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Tweak says, "Will you marry me Shadow?"

Anakin Solo is judging you with his eyes (jedislight) wrote in wariscoming,
@ 2012-12-09 16:57:00

Entry tags:

anakin solo

Who:Anakin and Tahiri
What:Meeting with the sort of ex broken up by a war. Not really ex? idek.
When:backdated a couple days ago.
Where:For coffee?
Warnings:TBA

Anakin wasn't sure how he was supposed to feel about meeting with Tahiri. After seeing her on the boards he really didn't know how to talk to her anymore. She was Jacen's apprentice. After everything they'd been through she'd become a sith. He was hurt. He wasn't sure who by more. He'd asked Jacen to look after her, but this wasn't how he'd meant. A small sigh escaped his lips as he rubbed a hand through his messy hair and walked toward the designated coffee shop a little slower then planned. Tahiri was twenty eight years old now. How was he even supposed to connect to her anymore?

Half the time he didn't know how to talk to Jacen or Jaina even with some of his memories returning and it was upsetting. Jacen had also become a sith. He'd been doing a little research on what happened to his family on the internet after he'd died, and it was entirely a mistake. He was officially scared away from fansites and highly annoyed at writers of Star Wars Extended Universe.

Then there was also Elena. He remembered her better now. Remembered where they'd been headed. He still questioned it because of his relationship with Tahiri and that was half the reason for his meeting with her. He needed to know where they were at, if they were anywhere. He never stopped loving Tahiri, a war put time between them and he worried it was too much time for them ever to be the same again. It tore at his heart as much as he tried to keep emotions in check with the Force, he wasn't made of stone. They'd been through so much as kids.

He remembered the first time he ever met her and she rambled on for hours about the Sand people and hating shoes and it made him smile as he ordered a coffee and sank into a booth waiting for her to arrive. They'd snuck out of the temple more times then he could count against Master Skywalker's orders and learned about the world and what being a Jedi really meant. For her to turn sith, broke his heart. He was anxious about seeing her again, but he forced his emotion to taper off as he sipped at a coffee and made a face. Tea. The idea of tea kept nudging at his memory instead. Tea with his mother while his siblings yammered on about how coffee was the food of the gods and he must have been adopted for its dislike.

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hrosha_gul
2012-12-10 10:46 pm UTC (link)

This was a moment she had dreamed about for so many years. Only in her dreams, Tahiri had managed to change history, had been able to save him and have Anakin grow at the same time as her. Not this. Not seeing him as he had been while she had grown and changed so much. Stronger in many ways but also harsher. Had done things that never should have happened, but had been needed. Jacen may have let her keep her delusion that she could use Flow Walking to change the past, but he had still been right in much of what he had tried to do.

But the way in which he'd done it? That not so much. That was what had led to the woman entering the coffee shop now, older and tougher, and broken so many times only to be rebuilt yet again.

There was so much for them to say to each other, and yet at the same time so much that Tahiri knew she would hold back. Some things were so fiercely private to her that she couldn't share them, even with Anakin.

Still, her back was straight and her head held high as she picked up her coffee and made her way to the booth where Anakin was sitting. It tugged at her heart to see him again, though she forced her expression to remain as impassive as she could, only brief cracks showing.

"Hello, Anakin," her voice was soft as she slid carefully onto the seat opposite him.

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jedislight
2012-12-12 07:20 pm UTC (link)

Anakin really didn't know what to expect. Based on what he saw on the internet he wasn't sure he was going to like what he saw when Tahiri came to him. After death he really hadn't thought about anyone, he'd been so close to the pure light of the Force that all he could think about was that his mission was complete. Somewhere inside he knew even before Jacen had told him the outcome that he'd done his job. The Force would always guide him. It was strange to feel it now as a living thing rather then a presence as it had felt after death. He hadn't been afraid to die. He knew that was one of the risks as a Jedi Knight. He would do his job until his last breath, and that was exactly what he'd done.

There was ony one thing he was afraid of now, what Tahiri had become. He still remembered her as the bubbly overly talkative girl he'd met at the Academy. When he saw her talking on the internet he worried about what had happened as a result of his actions. Was this his doing? Had she become so broken because of his death?

Blue eyes looked up from his coffee toward the almost unrecognizable blond gir as she approached and joined him. She even felt different in the Force and he was afraid of that. "Tahiri." He wasn't sure wat to say for the first time, and she didn't look about to ramble his ear off. She was so much older now. He could only imagine everything that had happened. "I've missed you." He'd told her on the internet, but it was different in person. Harder then it should have been and he hated it.

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hrosha_gul
2012-12-13 02:01 pm UTC (link)

The truth was, Tahiri had been broken so many times. By the Vong, by Anakin's death, by Caedus. Each time she had rebuilt herself, and each time she had become a little stronger. And a little harder. What she'd had to be in order to survive. It wasn't nice or pretty but it was necessary.

But that still left the two of them there and for the first time in her life, Tahiri didn't know how to talk to Anakin. He'd always been there during their childhood, always been the one she could chat away to, whether it was idle banter or serious talks. Now, not so much. Now there was this gulf between them.

But even with that, some truths couldn't be denied. "I missed you too." Her voice cracked slightly as she looked at him, an attempt at a half smile on her face. "It's been, well, it's been a long time."

And apparently he had been in Lawrence before. Tahiri wasn't sure what was quite going on with that so she hesitated before asking. "How are you adjusting to being here? Do you remember being here before?"

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jedislight
2012-12-21 07:24 pm UTC (link)

Anakin could see she was different and it was hard. The girl he'd known seemed to have faded away entirely. He wanted to be like Luke and be able to accept all things as they happened for a reason, but he was still trying to process everything. Still stuck on the fact that she was light years ahead of him anymore as far as experience and time went. He could see it just by looking at her and it hurt.

It was cruel of the seal. He still loved her and always would, but he could feel even as he struggled to process things that their lives would never be as they once were. "What did Jacen do to you?" He asked before he could help himself. It wasn't a scathing comment, it was more of a sad worry then anything. She was not the bubbly girl he'd met at the Academy any longer. She was something different entirely.

"I don't know if I'd call it adjusting. I was so close to the Force after dying and now to be here feels like I'm further away then I've ever been if that makes sense.." He trailed off. Especially with everything happening, with all the rage he felt at Jacen for what he'd done, with everything going on with Elena (or not going on he had no idea) he didn't know how to accept being alive again and being back in Kansas. "I am starting to I believe, but it's slow. Which is probably for the best." He said softly as he put aside his coffee, not in the mood to drink it anymore.

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hrosha_gul
2012-12-21 10:25 pm UTC (link)

There was a moment when just the briefest flash of anger appeared in her eyes before she pushed it back again. It was strange, there was much she was angry at Jacen for, much she knew she would never forgive him for, but even with that she felt defensive when people blamed him for things. There was that flare of protectiveness for him that she felt, she who had stood by him longer than anyone else. Because she had believed in him.

"It wasn't just Jacen," she finally replied, looking up at Anakin, her gaze steady. "A lot happened. More war, more death. Jacen had a way to stop it all, it just came at a price." And it was a price worth paying. Tahiri still believed that, still knew that Jacen hadn't become a Sith because he wanted personal power or glory. He had broken, he had seen the galaxy break and knew what he had to do to fix it. Even if it meant breaking himself forever.

"The Force... it's here. It's just different. It doesn't quite fit the way it should, it feels off." No, not off, that wasn't the word. "New. It feels new. But that's just something to overcome, something to learn from." To become stronger. It was her way now. "I didn't know you'd been here before. Not until you came back." She finally hesitated, glancing down at her hands, clasped as they were over the table. "I haven't been here long myself. Jacen was breaking news to me gradually."

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jedislight
2012-12-28 09:09 am UTC (link)

Anakin could feel that anger. It worried him. He tried not to let it show. The Force would guide him into how to handle this, it had to. Though he agreed it was different it still existed. He still felt connected. He probably always would. And to her there was still a connection he felt whether he wanted it or not. She had been his closest friend until he realized it was more.

Blue eyes watched her distantly. "And did he?" He had to keep emotion out of his voice. When it came to Jacen it was hard. He was so angry at him for what had happened with Tahiri, with everything. Jacen had once been a Jedi and now after everything they'd been through he'd fallen to the dark side. He knew what war did to people, but he hadn't expected it to happen to his family. They had always been so strong, it was heart breaking to see them now. He knew Luke was somewhere, he could feel him but even Luke felt different.

For Anakin it was like time had stood still, and now it was so fast he couldn't catch up. He just let it be. "It does. It doesn't feel familiar." He admitted uncomfortably. "Not like it used to. When I died I was so close to it and now it feels like a distant memory I have to chase." He didn't know if that made sense or not but he nodded to her. "Elena has been doing the same to me. And the others where I'm staying. You.." He paused a moment as he looked over at his coffee. "You are welcome there if you wish it." He was sad, he couldn't help it. He had this feeling of loss nudging at his mind, that she was no longer his. Things were going to be different and he wasn't sure it was a good sort.

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hrosha_gul
2012-12-29 08:18 pm UTC (link)

Had Jacen? Tahiri wasn't honestly sure how to answer that. The things Caedus had done, Tahiri knew that they had gone too far. But she also knew that peace came at a price and ultimately, hadn't there been unity? Hadn't he saved his daughter, as he'd always wanted? Jacen had seen more chaos in the future, and that had been averted. So ultimately what could her answer be, except...

"Yes." Her gaze finally lifted to meet Anakin's. "He didn't make his choices for personal glory or power. He did what he had to do." And that was something she still believed. Maybe few others would understand that, but they also hadn't lived through the same things she and Jacen had.

"You can still catch it," there was the briefest hint of a smile, the closest there had been. Because of that she had no doubt, if anyone could, it was Anakin. He was better than her, better than Jacen. That was kind of the point. "You know Elena well then?" Her voice was carefully neutral. "I'm fine where I am, at the complex."

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jedislight
2012-12-30 09:06 am UTC (link)

"I see." Anakin replied softly. Unsure what else to say, what was there to say? Jacen had always spoken about how there was no dark and light side. Spoke dangerously about the Force and now to learn that he had used his philosophies to stop the wars from tearing their worlds apart, Anakin didn't know how to accept that yet. It was a lot to process. He almost wished he could use the Force just then to slow time, but things like that always came with a price. It would have been a selfish move.

For a moment he watched her, his eyes lingering on hers. They were barely familiar anymore but he didn't turn away. He only gave her a soft almost sympathetic smile and nodded. "You can too you know." He didn't put anymore explanation into that sentence, she could take it as she would. He only continued on. "Yes. We were close once. Now..I don't know where I stand." He wasn't sure where he fit in the world yet. "I've been helping at the medbay some. You could always come see me sometime..If you want." He added cautiously as he ran his hand through his hair and sighed.

"Where does that leave us? I can feel the answer the Force is trying to give, I'm just not sure I like it." Childhood had long since past for Tahiri. Anakin wanted to cling to it, but Luke had once taught him the Force was never still, it was like a river. It flowed and one could not stop the current no matter how they tried.

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hrosha_gul
2012-12-30 11:05 pm UTC (link)

He said that he could see, but really, Tahiri questioned that. She'd have questioned anyone, even him, thinking they knew what Jacen had really done, why, how, all such questions. Why they had both made those choices. Tahiri couldn't tell Anakin that a big part of why she had gotten involved was a misguided belief that she could save him. The idea of him taking on even a little guilt was too much to handle. And then there was the other stuff. Between her and Jacen.

Maybe she could, one day. Maybe after being broken again it was just one too many times. Only the days and months would be able to tell. "We'll see," she murmured. Oddly, it stung, the idea that Anakin had been close with someone else. So much had changed but the selfish part of her still didn't like the idea. "I might. Maybe." When it didn't hurt to see him.

'Us'. What a bizarre term, even for such a simple word. Tahiri let out a long, long sigh. "I don't know," she answered eventually. "I'm old now. Older anyway. And I'm not the girl you knew, not any more." She wanted to be. Force, she wanted to be. But she couldn't reverse time. As much as she hated it.

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jedislight
2013-01-05 10:31 am UTC (link)

Anakin didn't exactly understand. But he understood that he didn't want to understand entirely. infact he didn't much care to talk about it anymore. What Jacen had done to her must have been horrible. The feel he got from his brother was darker then he wanted to feel from anyone and it worried him. Jacen had become a sith, so had Tahiri. It was heartbreaking at best, but he managed to steady his emotion. Watch her with an even gaze as she spoke.

"You can, if you want it. Remember what Uncle Luke always told us. There is no try. There is only do, or do not." Then she was speaking again and he felt a little numb on the inside. Might visit usually turned into probably wouldn't. He just looked out the window briefly at the world passing them by. How much he'd missed being dead. How many people he'd effected. Yet Jacen had said the mission was a success. Anakin had known it was likely a suicide mission from the start, but he hadn't been afraid to die. He never was. He was Jedi and he accepted the consequences. Most Jedi however didn't get a chance to see the after effects of those final consequences. That was the hard part to swallow.

"It isn't fair." He said before he could stop himself, and then regretted it immediately. Pushing the coffee cup away a bit with the Force as a means to distracted himself for a moment, he pushed away some dark hair from his face. "I still love you." He always would, older or not. Sith or not. Dangerous as it was he still did.

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hrosha_gul
2013-01-05 11:28 pm UTC (link)

He might have regretted saying it, but that didn't mean it wasn't completely true and Tahiri happened to agree entirely. It wasn't fair. None of it was. Anakin should never have died that day, they should have been able to continue to grow together, to be side by side. Jacen should have been free to be with Tenel Ka and never needed to turn to the ways of the Sith. It all should have been better.

"I still love you too," her voice almost broke as she looked over at him, so like the boy she remembered. That idealized vision she'd had of him in her head for so long in no way lessened by seeing him again in person. "I never stopped. I will always love you." That was a simple fact. Her love for him had driven her to do some extreme acts, only some of which she regretted. And it was exactly because of that that she wasn't the girl he'd left.

"You love who I used to be," she dragged the words out slowly, her gaze flicking down to the table. "You don't know the woman, the Sith I had to become. Or whatever I am now." Because she genuinely didn't know herself. And really, wasn't that the point? How could anyone know her if she didn't know herself?

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jedislight
2013-01-17 08:16 am UTC (link)

It was supposed to be better, and then death tore it all away. It wasn't that he regretted that death it was that he regretted what it had done to their family. If he hadn't died, maybe Jacen wouldn't be the way he was now. If he was still alive maybe they would have been together. He let out a frustrated sigh and drank his coffee with a disgusted look on his face that he claimed was the drinks fault. It was really the situation he wanted to make faces at.

Anakin offered her a faint smile. This conversation was not the one he wanted to be having with her but they needed it. For both of them to move on they needed to know where they stood. He almost reached to touch her hand, but she wasn't done speaking. He kept his hands busy with his coffee and listened quietly. He didn't know what to say. He knew she was partially right but it left a bitter flavor in his mouth and he hated it. She felt different even in the Force and it worried him.

"i think I still want to know." He said after a few moments of registering what that meant. Had they been back home would he? How different would things have been if they were home and she'd turned sith while he was alive. What made this any different? It was different. It was Tahiri. She was different and he knew it. He still wanted to think she could be that girl even though evidence so far had shown otherwise. He wanted to believe in them again. "It's getting late.." He trailed off, looking out at the sky as it started to darken outside.

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