Eponine Thenardier (![[info]](https://www.insanejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} toldyouiddoit) wrote in ![[info]](https://www.insanejournal.com/img/community.gif){kind=small} wariscoming,@ 2012-10-28 17:41:00 |
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What: Living inside her head
Where: Wandering around Lawrence in the rain.
When: After she bolted out of the party
Rating: TBD
Status: In Progress
How had it happened once again. Losing her heart to someone so unattainable only this time she hadn't even noticed until it was too late. Eponine had been having such a good time too, She'd been dancing and talking to people. Being social. And she'd been having fun being around Enjolras, joking, dancing and then, she hadn't actually been sure when the moment had changed. The music had slowed, her arms had wrapped around his and for a moment. Just a single moment their lips had touched.
But it was ridiculous. It was the same all over again. A man who couldn't love her. A man who loved someone else. A man who was so beyond her reach it was pointless to even think about it. She couldn't see that look again. The look that said 'friends'. The look that said a girl like her just wasn't what someone like him looked for.
She'd walked, she didn't know for how long or it what direction, or even quite when it had started to rain, ironic as that was and oh so distressingly familiar. She ignored it, barely feeling it at all anymore, she'd just walked trying to sort out the mess that her mind had become after an evening that had started so well. Rose had told her to ask him and she'd done it, without thinking of what it would really mean. Without thinking that it would come to this stupid mixed up mess that would once again end up hurting her. But she'd carry on because that was what she did. What she'd done with Marius and what she'd do now. Keep on pretending that there was a world where she could win. Where her name, her life, her circumstance didn't drag her down. Oh he was kind, her friend. He called her a business woman and said he was proud of her. And she believed he was. But Marius had been her friend too, painful as it was. She had been happy to have him in her life, even if their love was only in her mind. And her feelings, such as they were for Enjolras would remain there. She'd find a place for them.
But for now she walked. Looking out at the strange street lights and finding a little comfort in the different world she'd made her home strange and confusing as she found it. She wasn't about to go home yet of course. Home would mean he was there. People that had been at the party would be there. There would be questions, things to address. She'd get to have yet another heartbreak where she wasn't good enough for someone she had come to feel more for than she had even noticed until it was too late and she had already fallen and it seemed fallen hard. And how could it have happened there. It had all been so ridiculously public and they'd all know. They'd all look at her and know that she'd made the same mistake twice. But she had time before that was an issue. For now though she needed to sit a while. Think. Put those thoughts away to the place in her head where they were just hers and she could pretend for just a little while that someone like Enjolras could want her.
It would just be for a little while.
But it was ridiculous. It was the same all over again. A man who couldn't love her. A man who loved someone else. A man who was so beyond her reach it was pointless to even think about it. She couldn't see that look again. The look that said 'friends'. The look that said a girl like her just wasn't what someone like him looked for.
She'd walked, she didn't know for how long or it what direction, or even quite when it had started to rain, ironic as that was and oh so distressingly familiar. She ignored it, barely feeling it at all anymore, she'd just walked trying to sort out the mess that her mind had become after an evening that had started so well. Rose had told her to ask him and she'd done it, without thinking of what it would really mean. Without thinking that it would come to this stupid mixed up mess that would once again end up hurting her. But she'd carry on because that was what she did. What she'd done with Marius and what she'd do now. Keep on pretending that there was a world where she could win. Where her name, her life, her circumstance didn't drag her down. Oh he was kind, her friend. He called her a business woman and said he was proud of her. And she believed he was. But Marius had been her friend too, painful as it was. She had been happy to have him in her life, even if their love was only in her mind. And her feelings, such as they were for Enjolras would remain there. She'd find a place for them.
But for now she walked. Looking out at the strange street lights and finding a little comfort in the different world she'd made her home strange and confusing as she found it. She wasn't about to go home yet of course. Home would mean he was there. People that had been at the party would be there. There would be questions, things to address. She'd get to have yet another heartbreak where she wasn't good enough for someone she had come to feel more for than she had even noticed until it was too late and she had already fallen and it seemed fallen hard. And how could it have happened there. It had all been so ridiculously public and they'd all know. They'd all look at her and know that she'd made the same mistake twice. But she had time before that was an issue. For now though she needed to sit a while. Think. Put those thoughts away to the place in her head where they were just hers and she could pretend for just a little while that someone like Enjolras could want her.
It would just be for a little while.