Helena Wells has "disappeared" with the Astrolabe (ismellapples) wrote in wariscoming, @ 2012-09-25 21:56:00 |
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Entry tags: | helena g. wells |
Who: Helena and ghost!Christina
What: Someone is trying to hold onto a ghost, so said ghost is ensuring Helena is able to move forward.
When: Tonight
Where: Myka's room
Warnings: Emotional death. So much emotional death. I didn't need my heart, really.
Status: Narrative, complete
The past several days blurred together to the point where Helena wasn't sure what day it was any longer. All she was aware of was the people that came and went, Christina and Emily. She still sat at Myka's bedside, not wanting to leave her side for longer than she had to. She was beyond worried, and she was terrified that whatever Alice had done wouldn't correct itself whenever the ghosts left. And if Myka didn't return to herself when things went back to normal, Helena would immediately call on Loki and beg him to do something, anything, to bring Myka. Because currently Helena felt as thought she were losing two people she loved, and she couldn't take that. She didn't want to lose either of them. Besides, hadn't she lost Christina enough for one lifetime? How many times did she have to suffer that pain?
Of course, Helena had take the opportunity to spend time with Christina, to talk to her. And while Christina had told her it was all right to move on and to live, Helena had grown used to having her long-lost daughter back. She had tried not to get used to it, but as the hours had turned into days and as she could not only talk to Christina, but hold her, how was she not supposed to get used to it? She would do anything to have Christina back just as she would do anything to have Myka back. As such, she felt a tug at her sleeve. Shaking out of her thoughts, Helena looked at her side and saw Christina there with a look that could only be described as stubborn.
"Mummy, you can't dwell in the past. You need to take this chance at life and live. I want you to live and be happy." Of course, the eight year old ghost knew it would take more than this to ensure her mother took the right path once she was gone again, but the conversation had to start somewhere.
"I know, love, but it is hard to face not having you here when I have become accustomed to you being here, talking to me, interacting with me." Helena gave her daughter a sad half-smile.
"It will hurt, but you are strong, far stronger than you think you are." Christina set her hand on her mother's arm and looked her in the eye. "You are not alone, and no matter what, you will always have me in your heart and your memories. Keep them close to you, but keep moving forward. It is not yet time for us to be reunited, so you must carry on." At the reminder that it wasn't yet time for them to be reunited, Helena felt a sob build in her throat and her vision blurred with tears. Taking in a deep breath, Helena glanced up at the ceiling, trying to keep her tears from falling. "Mummy, you know this isn't our time to be reunited. You know I am only a ghost here. I came to you because I needed you to know this. To know that you are alive and have a chance to live again, and you should not spend it living in the past."
At Christina's phrasing, Helena looked back at her daughter, some tears falling down her cheeks. "What do you mean you came to me?"
Now it was Christina's turn to pause for a moment before she responded. "The reason I am here is because of Death, the Horseman. He opened the barriers to let some through. I am the one that came to you. He said you need to be aware of him."
Helena scoffed at that. "Love, I am more than aware of him. He has haunted my every step since entering this world. I've felt his icy breath on the back of my neck, felt his presence in my dreams. Nightmares, rather. I do not think I could be more aware of him than I all ready am." There was more than a tone of bitterness in her voice, but Helena knew she was living on borrowed time. If she ever returned to her world, she'd be dead. Well, at least until time moved forward enough for Artie to use the Astrolabe, which she still didn't approve of. But even after the Astrolabe would be used, Helena was still living on borrowed time. She was one hundred and forty-six years old now, she'd cheated death many times along the way, mostly in her own world, but she'd avoided it in this one as well. After all, that sniper should have killed her, but it had been Myka's quick reflexes that had saved her life.
"He wants you to be aware of him, but don't mention him where Lucifer is able to see it." Christina looked at her mother sadly for some moments in silence. "He will be closing the barriers soon, so I will need to leave." Which hurt Christina to say, but she knew it would hurt her mother more. Even so, it needed to be said, to prepare Helena for letting her go when it was time to.
At Christina's admission that she'd have to leave soon, more tears rolled down Helena's cheeks and a pained sob escaped her. Really, she wished that Death would have just not made his presence known this way or that He'd taken her when Moriarty had sent his sniper to do his dirty work. Because this, this was torture and agony and Helena was so deathly afraid of closing herself off from everything again when Christina left. She was so very afraid of returning to the beginning of her downward spiral and that she'd simply snap again. Christina always would be her downfall no matter what.
"I don't want you to go," Helena said through a pained sob, dark eyes begging Christina as though her daughter's ghost had power over her own presence there. "It hurts too much," she said, voice barely louder than a whisper.
"I know mummy, but you have to let me go. You have Emily and your friends, you have people who care about you and love you. Hold onto them and move forward. You can do it, I know you can. You can do anything, mummy." Christina smiled, allbeit sadly, but she had great faith in her mother. With that, Helena pulled Christina up onto her lap, smoothing dark hair away from her face.
"But I need you, love."
"You always have me when you need me, mummy. But if you do not put my spirit to rest, you will never truly heal and never truly live. Was that not the reason you were in Paris?" Christina promptly gave her mother a pointed look. "Do not let yourself undo the progress you have all ready made because you cannot let go of my ghost. This is why I came to you, because you need to know it is okay to let go. You will have me in your heart and your memories. And I will be waiting for you when your time comes."
At that, Helena couldn't hold her sobs back. She clung to Christina and let herself sob. It really still amazed her just how many tears she'd shed on this topic all ready and yet she still had so many that were unshed. But the fact of the matter was that she was currently allowing herself to feel and she was expressing it. That was a good thing, it showed she was still open to herself, open to her emotions and not closing them off because it was too painful. But of course, Helena still feared that as soon as Christina returned to the other side she would pull away from everyone, including herself, and not let anyone in. But that was undoubtedly why Christina was talking to her now, to help further ensure that didn't happen.
After a few minutes, Helena finally managed to get her crying under control enough to where she could speak again. She pulled back from her daughter enough to look at her. "How did you get to be so smart?"
"I have you for my mummy, that's how." Christina said with a smile. A sad smile curved Helena's lips and she brushed her fingers through Christina's hair.
"Well it's good to know I did good by that." Helena kissed Christina's forehead and held her close against her. She still didn't want her daughter to leave, but she knew she couldn't stay. Just as this wasn't Helena's time, this was even less Christina's time. She was dead and her place was in the afterlife. Helena's place was here in life.
"I love you, mummy."
"I love you too, Christina." She sniffed, gently rocking Christina as she sat there. Helena glanced at Myka, who still wasn't conscious. God she really didn't want to think of how much longer Christina would be here. She knew she had friends to help her through this. Drawing in a breath, she looked back at Christina. "I am going to make you proud of me."
"I all ready am." With that response, Helena's tears renewed themselves all over again and she held her daughter close to her. She had nothing left to say to that. Taking a breath, Helena decided that she was going to make the best of whatever time she had left with Christina. Not that she hadn't been doing that all ready, but now she was making more of a point to do so and enjoy every last moment she had. So after checking on Myka again and ensuring the drapes were drawn, despite it being dark outside, and leaving a lit candle on the bedside table, Helena went and grabbed a couple dolls, then came back to Myka's room because she wanted to be there with the other agent when she woke up. After all, of all people, Helena knew how frightening it was to suddenly be aware of everything when you had your senses deprived.
So for the remainder of the time she had with Christina, Helena played with her, just enjoying the moment for what it was. She tried not to let herself dwell on what would come after. She would deal with that when it would come, but that was also why she stayed in Myka's room. If Christina disappeared at the same time Myka woke up, then at least Helena could focus on Myka and helping her. She would save her tears and breaking for later once she'd ensured Myka would be okay and everyone else in the house understood they needed to stay quiet for a while.
And for the remainder of Christina being there, Helena's laughter filled the room.