Did she have to go there, with all this, with everything he was finally admitting to, did his aunt really have to ask him why the poison? He didn’t want to tell her, every inch of him was begging not to have to explain it. Besides she knew the answer already, or part of it. There had been so many reasons for that choice but the ones he was ready to throw at her were more than a little risky given the current topics of choice. But even if she couldn’t tell he was lying in the Force, his aunt knew him well enough, and he’d promised her no lies. “The poison was a failsafe. If I wasn’t winning, or at least that’s what I told myself. Really, yes I wanted to tell you as you died why it had to be you and why I was sorry it was you, because you did mean a lot to me Mara. You do. I didn’t want you to be alone and I had to make you see that because of you, your death. You’d help me fix things. Oh I was gone so far by then. Only someone like Jaina or Luke could have had any chance of making me see. And they didn’t try, did they? Oh, and of course the other reason, Alema was fond of those poison darts so, yes it seemed like the most appropriate way to do it. You’d die and she’d have the blame. I didn’t expect her to take it so willingly but it seemed she was a fan of my work.”
Ben’s memories? Oh, oh she had asked, hadn’t she? Long ago. “Yes I’d lied. Of course I did, I could hardly tell you the truth of it could I? What was I supposed to say? I wanted you on my side, I wanted all of you to understand but I knew you wouldn’t. So I did what I needed to do to keep my secrets, and Ben kept finding them out. I had to keep him quiet. I wasn’t proud of it it’s just, some things become necessary don’t they. It was unfortunate.”
There was so much more he could have, should have said. But his aunt’s lightsaber roared to life at the mention of what Caedus had done and when she ran toward him, he didn’t fight. He didn’t attempt to defend himself, but he also didn’t flinch. It seemed right that it should be her. It seemed to make sense that Mara be the one to take his life. He hoped Tenel Ka would remember him well, his Allana and the child that now never would be. He wondered would Jaina even care, and he waited, and waited. And no blow came. No release from the guilt that so often consumed him.
And when she didn’t strike he nodded, waited for her to compose herself and ask him more questions. It seemed right that she do so, of course. She had more information. But he didn’t expect those words again. Those same words. More vile than Palpatine.
“Yes.” he began simply. “He was, I was.” The distinction was more than unexpected. He’d expected to be called Caedus now until the day he died but he hadn’t expected her to think of him as Jacen. “I...he, thought Ben would learn as I did in the embrace, that he’d learn the true way as I had and he’d be...pliable, easy to teach and then one day he’d fight me and win. Rule of Two, you understand how it is? Or do you, were you ever really Sith, Mara, or were you just dark, just his weapon. I was going to make Ben something more. I was going to try.” Her next question actually threw him a little, Mara was good at the unexpected, always had been. It was a trait of hers. “Of course I remember, you were the sacrifice it had to be someone I cared about and you always understood me, didn’t you. I didn’t ever forget and yes, I am sorry it had to be you I killed. It was always with me. You were my Aunt.” Odd as the question was though, he had some idea of why she had asked it. “Mara, are you trying to find something redeeming in me. Is that what this is? Because if you are? I don’t know where to look beyond my wife and child. They are the reason, you know that. Just as Luke was your reason.”