Svetlana Sergievskaya causes lyrical chess wars (![[info]](https://www.insanejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} thegirlisme) wrote in ![[info]](https://www.insanejournal.com/img/community.gif){kind=small} wariscoming, |
"No, it is hard to go wrong with that composite. So I would not mind teaching you at all." And again with them mixing up of words, but Svetlana was allowed with the exhaustion and stress and paranoia running rampant in her mind. Really, she at least was still able to communicate in English even if it were slightly awkward at times when she got the words wrong. But no matter. Svetlana didn't even notice it this time.
The definition of Oz sounded a lot like Russia under the KGB's rule. One wrong thing and families were torn apart, broken. People taken away, shunned for the deflection of their family members. There was no safety, no matter what was claimed.
"It is stressful... to live like that."
Would Svetlana ever talk about what had happened? She honestly didn't know. She had thought about talking to Darcy about it, but between being a new mother and her friendship with Florence and Svetlana's own issues, that never had happened and the woman was now gone. Like everyone. This place made it worse. People could be left behind, be it by the person they trusted changing or because the Seal changed it's mind. Why bother trusting? But she also knew that, like it or not, Freddie was right. She needed to open up to someone. Still, that was a ways away for the blond, who instead sipped her tea as Elphaba finally spoke.
She knew what it was like, to lose loved ones. She didn't know the circumstances around Elphaba's sister's death or their relationship, but family was still family. Svetlana had had her share of familial loss. But there was more to Elphaba's story and all Svetlana could do was look down. Part of her felt compelled to reach over and take the younger woman's hand, but given her own trauma and knowing how jolting a simple touch could be after that? She decided against it. So instead she merely nodded as she looked to the side in thought.
"Torture of any kind is horrible.... though I think personally I would prefer physical torture. The damage is there, the fear and paranoia... The body memories... but I find that easier to come back from than mental torture, blackmail. The looking over your shoulder is still there, but it seems...I do not know. This is just my personal feeling on the matter from my own experiences and how I am.... Still, I am sorry. No one should have to endure that..." Well, maybe not no one. Would Svetlana wish this upon Molokov? She truly didn't know.
"The important thing is you are alive. Yes, changed, something like that will always change you, but you can learn from it, use the scars as proof of your strength when you feel it fleeting..."
It was what she was trying to do with Anatoly or had been before this. Moving on, growing. True, it wasn't physical torture, but the emotional anguish, the pain and distance between them. If they could overcome that? Well, it would be proof that they were stronger than anyone gave them credit for. Now though? Now Svetlana was paranoid of human contact, even tensing if her daughters hugged her without her knowing, because she could feel Molokov there, watching, waiting.
"Speaking about it is a step, opening up and processing...." Something she still refused to let herself do because she had two daughters who still woke up screaming at night in fear that they were in the morgue again. Crying in pain as they felt themselves being shot again. Jelena, so sweet and affectionate sometimes afraid of her own shadow and Fayina ready to pick a fight with anyone, no matter their size...