It felt like the walls were closing in around her as her bruised and wounded hands gripped at the blankets of the bed that smelled to sterile to really provide any kind of real comfort. Machines beeped erratically around her, doctors were paged but none had shown yet. She was glad. Hospitals had always scared her, now even more. Her breathing was labored as she tried to focus. It felt like the world was crumbling down and she was as always powerless to stop it. She didn't have the strength to stop it anymore. She was afraid.
She wanted to go home to her own world where she didn't have to worry about demons using her to get to the people she loved. Or about the monster of the week. The only monster of the week she wanted to see was on the Sci-Fy network and involved a night of B rated movies and popcorn. She had never felt so much fear, it shook her to the core. She didn't know how to process what was going through her head logically. It felt like she was falling apart from the inside out. She couldn't even hear her own voice, all she could feel was Alastair's eyes on her. She felt dirty.
Most of the blood was cleaned away by diligent nurses and doctors through the night. She'd been through a transfusion and x-rays while she slept. None of that prepared her for what it was going to be like to be awake. Pressure was building up in her chest again and she felt nearly paralyzed.
Then the door opened and Dean came in, she didn't see Dean. It was like she couldn't separate reality from fear anymore. She froze as he came closer and she didn't move. Her green eyes locked on his face didn't blink. There were cuts near them that made even blinking a chore. When he spoke, tears fell from her eyes and she stared down at her knees. She couldn't find words. Even if she could she wasn't sure they would actually work, so she was quiet.
She rubbed her eyes and flinched at the salty liquid that touched her wounded skin. Her brows knit together in worry and her lips curved into a small frown.
She should have been happy he was there right? Felt relief? All she felt was confusion and pain. She had done this. All of this was her fault, and now knowing Dean he was inwardly blaming himself for everything and she felt miserable. Waves of guilt couldn't even begin to describe the heart breaking feeling that washed over her as reality temporarily set back in.
Finally doctors began to file in to fix the machine that she'd knocked over and tried to put the I.V. drip back in her arm, she struggled and punched a nurses glasses off his face. The entire time she didn't say a word. She just looked helplessly lost and tried to focus on Dean's voice instead.