Svetlana Sergievskaya causes lyrical chess wars (thegirlisme) wrote in wariscoming, @ 2011-08-25 20:08:00 |
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Entry tags: | anatoly sergievsky, svetlana sergievsky |
Who: Anatoly and Svetlana Sergievsky
What: Awkward talks of awkward? Or avoidance. It can go either way with these two.
When: Tonight
Where: Svetlana's apartment.
Rating: Should be low.
Status: Complete
Svetlana was going stir crazy with Anatoly being around all the time. It would be one thing if there wasn't so much between them. If the five years hadn't happened. If Florence had never entered the picture. If they hadn't seen that stupid musical. If she hadn't broken down in front of him... that was the worst part. Losing her self control and dropping the mask she had so carefully crafted. She hated how Anatoly had that power over her. The midnight chess game before his game with Freddie, talking about her inability to sleep since the attack in the alley during Famine. Even opening up that small bit had been too much and then he had kissed her and things had gotten worse in regards to the awkwardness around them. And then falling asleep on the couch the following night? Things had been awkward, yes, but maybe going back to normal. Or as normal as could be when stuck in the future in another dimension in a country that wasn't their own. It had been like before.
All of that was ruined, though. Seeing Chess.. seeing what had happened. And knowing that other people knew. She was a bit character, not even fourteen minutes, but in those fourteen minutes, so much had been revealed about her. How she had thought of leaving, knew she should and would tell anyone in her position to, yet she couldn't. Because she still loved him. Maybe she always would. Svetlana didn't know. All she knew was that her heart was shattered. It was horrible. Hearing lyrics from the musical in her head. It could be any of them, the four of them that were there or Molokov. Even if they didn't tie into her, she heard them. Such as Freddie being all "or would you rather perhaps see her world collapse for a tinpot competition?" in regards to Florence. It still rung true for her. Because Anatoly winning would put the girls in danger, her daughters who were her entire world, and for what? A title? There was so much in the musical that hurt. So much that didn't make sense. But the fact that seeing it had gotten beneath her cold exterior to the point where she'd been pacing until stopped? Put her so on edge that she lashed out at Anatoly? Opened up on feelings she had kept locked in for so long? Yes, Anatoly had always been the one to make her open up, but that didn't mean she had to like it. That didn't mean she had to be okay with it, especially in this situation.
Matters were only made worse in that Anatoly hadn't left in the week and a half since she had passed out. She knew he was worried. But he didn't have to do this. The only time she wasn't around him was when she'd gone to get tested for Tuberculosis or when he was taking the girls to school as apparently she wasn't healthy enough to do that. Which was ridiculous. The actor who had portrayed him was far more recognizable than her. And that was still weird to think of. But as he seemed convinced she would die if she left at the moment, she just went along with it as she wouldn't be much threat against Molokov if he showed up right now. And the girls loved having him around. So while she would really like to make him leave, she couldn't. Not right now, at least. Still, she didn't know if he had seen parts of her conversation with Freddie. And if he had, which parts. They had been very good at avoiding anything that resembled talking about what had happened. And while Svetlana had always believed that marriage was forever even though divorce was easily obtainable in Russia, she didn't know how to talk to Anatoly anymore. She didn't know how to broach the topic.. because she was afraid of what he would say.
She wanted them to work. She wanted to be a family again. But her trust was shattered and her heart broken. Everything she had ever believed, the promises he had made... Maybe it was all a lie. Maybe she had never really known him. And that was why she was afraid of what he would say. To hear him say it was all a lie... she wouldn't know what to do. She didn't want to cry in front of him again. She couldn't. What she wanted was to be healthy again so she didn't need to rely on him. So he didn't keep confusing her and making her think maybe she could trust him again. Because even with the broken promises and pain, Anatoly knew her well, too well in her opinion. Once upon a time, it wasn't a problem but now it was. He knew too much, knew how to read her....
So it was trying to focus on anything that wasn't what had happened. Documentaries. Random television shows that were in black and white. A musical called Jekyll and Hyde that hit closer to home than she'd like. And while she knew it was dangerous, Svetlana was idly moving pieces on the chess board as Anatoly put the girls to bed. Because that was how she cleared her mind. And as her fever was down, she could actually focus on it. Thus, playing chess by herself as she sipped her tea and hoping Anatoly might decide to go home tonight.