She supposed that was true, or maybe it’d been selfishness, maybe she should have let him kill her that day, but she’d needed to see if there was a chance for them. If the reason she’d given up on her faith and her promises to Azazel would ever actually go anywhere, and it had. It had given her everything she could have imagined and more besides. “I fought back cause I needed to know. I had to know that you loved me back and then I couldn’t walk away, even the guilt I was starting to feel, even all that darkness, wasn’t enough that I was willing to give you up to pay for everything I did. I love you too much and maybe that’s selfish but that’s all it is. Is it enough to look back and feel bad? They wouldn’t think so, those people. I didn’t think about it like a second chance. I guess I didn’t think about it beyond being with you. And maybe I do feel like I don’t deserve happiness because of all that. It’s hard Sam”
Thinking about it meant no, meant he didn’t want to do it, meant he’d come up with a dozen reasons, each more sensible than the last as to why he couldn’t do it. And it made Ruby so sad that she couldn’t help him be what he wanted deep down. That there was no normal for them, bothered her more than anything else. And it seemed like the dream of it happening eventually was taking blow after blow. But she wasn’t gonna push him, there was no sense in that, he said he’d think about it and she’d try and convince him there was a way to do it. Maybe there was something someone could do. Maybe there was a way around it. She’d keep looking because he deserved to have a shot at his dream. She was already living hers.
“Okay, but you have to actually think about it and not just humor me, cause I know you, and I know this is what you do. But yes you’ll always have me. No matter what happens, no matter where life takes us I’ll always find my way back to you. That’s what’s important.” Ruby knew it was the best she was likely to get so she took it. It would do for now. And he said he was happy, but then part of her wondered if he’d say that to her anyway. “You have to promise me you’re actually happy just hunting, because I know your past, and I know how you work. So promise me you’re content and promise me you’ll think about it. That’s what I need from you.” Oh he was everything to her too, but there was nothing she wanted in life that she could have. She wasn’t like him, she didn’t have childhood dreams of aspiring to be better, or if she did, she didn’t remember them. He deserved to remember his.
Meanwhile though she’d just amuse herself by how traumatized he was by the guy love discussion. It was adorable. “Right right, my bad, just guys who like to hang out, that's all. That’s perfectly fair. Very manly and not becoming of guy love at all, and no no, I’m in no way planning to run away with Needy. Never happen.” she told him, all mock innocence and teasing. When she helped pull him to his feet she immediately steeled herself to help him walk, his arm wrapped around her, he was hunched over more cause of the height difference than anything else, maybe a taller vessel would have made more sense but she thought he liked her all little and petite. She’d grown too used to this body to give it up and it was holding out really well. When he promised and when he kissed her she tilted her head lifting on her toes to kiss him properly, there were no deals involved and she had no intention of making him do what she said with any other way than with her own personal charms.
“And now I can do this.” she told him when she finally broke the kiss. “Now downstairs. We’ll attempt pancakes and not burning the kitchen. It’ll be a bonding experience.”