"I'm not saying don't feel bad for what you did," Sam said, leaning over a little to look at Ruby as best as he could without tearing his stitches apart. "I just don't think you should let that guilt lay waste to the rest of your life, you know? Look back and remember, feel sympathy for those that you killed, acknowledge that you made mistakes, but don't ever think that you don't deserve to live and have a life of your own now. You deserve to live. If you didn't think that, you wouldn't be here with me. We wouldn't be married. You'd have walked away or kept your head down when I vowed to kill you that day you told me the truth, remember? You wouldn't have fought back. You wouldn't have confirmed that you loving me was the only truth we had in all of that. If you thought you could keep living with me, if you thought that maybe you deserved a second chance, then you need to take it in every way possible. Don't do it half-assed."
Forgery was always a risk. Fraud. Pretending to be someone else. There was always a risk of it going wrong. Faking ID's and pretending to be someone that he wasn't was a lot easier when Sam didn't have to look back. He'd grab all the info he needed, interrogate a few people here and there, take care of the hunt, then push out of the picture before too many eyebrows were raised. Being in school, taking on an education, working hard to obtain some kind of recognizable role in the world - it was a lot more complicated. The second someone picked up on his lies, they'd cancel out everything that Sam had worked for. His education wouldn't matter. All that dedication and hard work would be thrown away and Sam would have to start over again or throw up his hands and admit that he'd thrown himself into something that had been a complete waste of his time.
Anyway, Sam didn't know what good it would do if the world was supposed to be ending. He certainly didn't think it'd be beneficial to him if they were running from Croatoan zombies in the next couple years or if he eventually did find a way to stop Lucifer. Especially not if stopping Lucifer, as Sam often wondered, would be the end of the line for him. One day he would have to right all his wrongs and maybe there'd be a cost.
A very big one.
"Look, I'll think about it, okay? I'm not making any promises here. If I come back and tell you that I don't want to, then that's it. I don't." He wasn't really going to think about it. Not much, anyway. Knowing Ruby, she wouldn't let up on him until he agreed to consider it, which meant that Sam would have to shrug it off for now. He didn't want to fight with or upset her. Emotionally, Sam couldn't take it right now. With the news of their not-plans for a future child being tossed out the window, Sam didn't think that Ruby could handle it right now either. It was better this way. "I'm honestly happy where I am," he added, "so if it's a no, I have you. I'll always have you, right? That's everything to me."
At her exclamation of guy love, Sam rolled his eyes and shook his head. "It sounds lame. There's no guy love. We're just guys. Who like to hang out. It's a friend thing. You have friends. There's no serious love there." Sam shot her a look, one that he played off as amusingly suspicious. "Or is there?" He reached out and took her hand, grimacing as various points of pain shot through his body with the lift out of bed. Sam took a small moment to settle himself, wrapping one of his arms over Ruby's small, but - fortunately - strong shoulders. "Right." Sam winced. No deals. Sometimes he forgot about the word usage when it came to her. But Sam didn't exactly see Ruby as just a demon, so maybe the forgetting was forgivable. "Promise is probably the better word anyway, 'cause now I can do this." Sam tilted his neck over, cut and bruised face leaving a kiss square on the side of Ruby's cheek.