There it was. The man she loved was doing what he did best and raising her confidence just by talking to her, talking her through her crazy and making sure she knew exactly what he thought every time she did this to herself. Every time she put herself down like that. And she knew it hurt him but sometimes she didn’t see how she was allowed to get this lucky. It wasn’t fair to all the people she’d hurt and killed and twisted enough to send them screaming to hell, countless thousands that had every right to wish her nothing but misery and here she was happily married and deeply in love. “I know how you think, that's not the same thing all the time Sam.” she said softly, no she didn’t really want to debate this but here they were all the same. He wanted her to stop beating herself up over her past, thinking more of herself. And Ruby hated to make him feel bad. He hurt when she did it but it was almost instinctive in her mind. “I’m not trying to make you upset, I just know my past better than you do. There are thousands of people that would have lived perfectly happy lives without me. People that for whatever reason Azazel sent me after. And I never asked why, never cared. I just did it, killed, seduced, sent screaming into death. And you want me to stop feeling guilty about it. I thought feeling guilty was what I had to do because if I didn’t then how am I supposed to be better than before?” She wasn’t thinking about it every second of every day but when something bad happened why could she not wonder that it was her fault. That she paid for her many many sins. “I’m not sure I can promise you that. I’m not sure I know how?”
The school thing he was throwing arguments at her about, sensible ones in some ways yeah. He was legally dead. But he was also Sam Winchester. “Forge transcripts, are you saying you or someone here can’t do it? Do a correspondence course if it comes to that. But do something. I know you’re fine being a Hunter now but you still have your dreams. Somewhere in there. And I want you to work toward them, even slowly, even part time, even if it takes you six years. I want you to be doing something. I don’t want to keep you at this place where we are. No kids no career, just existing, that's not fair to you baby and I’m not gonna let you just settle. You don’t deserve to settle you deserve to have everything you want.”
They settled into a comfortable position as he seemed further traumatised by her mocking of the guy love. It was a little bit adorable. He was a little bit adorable. It helped. “What’s wrong with guy love!” she teased making sure he was in as comfortable a position as possible from the injuries he wouldn’t tell her the reason for. It hadn’t all been Dean but she wasn’t about to push him. Not yet. He’d tell her when he was good and ready. Or she’d eventually get impatient and demand to be told. That was of course always a possibility.
“The eggs will be fine. This time they stayed together when I cracked them after boiling. I might attempt scrambling or poaching them next time round.” His hands met hers and she smiled softly tilting her head just enough so their eyes locked. “The kids thing, I’ll get over, but only if you help by actually doing all you can to have some kind of career that you deserve, that you want. You can still be a Hunter but you can be this too. Besides we need a sexy lawyer type in Lawrence and I want to be married to him.” she insisted. “And you can come home to the sexy demon housewife. Cause I have no intention of getting a job. I’d snap and make my boss vomit worms for trying to tell me what to do It’d be messy, there’s no point. So you have to fund my life of luxury with your lawyerly ways. Look at least promise me you’ll think about it?” His use of the word deal so comfortably around her never failed to amuse her.
“Lets call it another promise.” she said laughing and moving to help Sam stand up. “And my pancakes will be amazing. Thank you.”