But it seemed that didn’t matter because she’d done the wrong thing again. Worried about them when she should have worried for the family. For what Azazel’s endgame was. And she was worried, of course she was but maybe she was selfish. Maybe she wasn’t worthy of him because she still just didn’t get it. But she needed to know. Irrationally, she needed to know. She looked up, forcing her eyes back to human though there was no way she was going to stop the tears, they were coming in floods now. She was scared and hurt and in many ways broken by the conversation. And she didn’t know how to fix it.
His going definitely wasn’t the way, she knew that, she knew that if he left she’d do something stupid. But she wasn’t going to guilt him into it. No. She stood up shakily, walking toward Sam with the knife pointed down, not offering it, just holding it. “Look, You’re gonna do what you have to. I know that. But I want you to know, right here and now. I’m with you. You can tell me no if you want. Tell me...say you don’t trust me to help kill him. But I’ll do it. And I won’t lie and say its not going to tear me up inside to do it but I know it has to be done. And this isn’t to get you to say you love me. I know...I realise I messed up. Again. I realise that’s all I’ve done lately but I love you. And I know that he has to die because I know exactly the kind of danger he is to the family you’ve built up again.” Ruby pressed the knife to his hand and pushed herself closer, guiding the tip of it to her chest before dropping her own hands from the weapon. Here they were again, closer, more in love than before perhaps but back here all the same. “I guess...what I’m saying is, here’s where you decide if you still trust me. If the lies, all the lies and I know there have been a lot. I know I’ve hurt you, disappointed you and god I hate that word so much when it comes from you...but if you can’t trust me, then what’s the point of me. What’s the point of us? You can walk out of here, you can do it stupid or you can realise why I lied. I was wrong to lie, I see it now but I did it with the best of intentions. Not for him, not for any old loyalty. I lied because I love you, and because John and Mary don’t deserve that, not again. I helped take so much from you Sam, help me make sure you keep what you have now. Everything you have.”
She’d let him down. Disappointed him, hurt him.
And she knew their relationship was built on love that had come through hurt and anger but at some point that had to stop, at some point there had to be trust. No matter what. “There’s nothing of me now that I know and you don’t. No more secrets, no more lies and I’ll submit to any psychic you want to prove that to you. Or...you can take a leap of faith with me here, now. Please Sam”