And there it was, cold had given way to rage and the yelling was breaking her heart. She should have known, should have told him but all she could do now was watch him as he ranted furiously at her and take every single bit of the anger because it was deserved. It was right. But it was breaking her all the same. She had been an idiot, and maybe Azazel had known that when she did tell Sam this would be the outcome. Had she lost him now? The love of her life, no she couldn't have, that wouldn't be fair not when things were going so well for them finally. So many lies and so many disappointments. No wonder she thought Jess would be better for Sam, she would be.
"I thought he'd hurt you if I told. He's playing the long game, getting close and I thought if I said it he'd do something take Mary or John away and you just got them back. Your family is all together for the first time you can remember and I didn't want to take that away from you. I'm so sorry, I know I screwed up, I know I kept yet another secret from you but you have to know I didn't do it to hurt you. I'd never willingly hurt you and..." God this was pointless, he was too angry to hear her anymore. He was just raging and she didn't blame him one bit. "I want to tell them, your family. That's why I told them all to come here when they got back. I wanted to tell them all the truth but I had to tell you first, you know I had to tell you first. Please Sam don't hate me."
He wanted to leave, he wanted to walk out and go and hunt Azazel and Ruby's eyes widened, no, no the family. She had to tell all of them so they'd all go after him and she... she'd have to help. She'd have to commit that final betrayal of her mentor and she knew that. She just didn't want to think about that right now, tears already spilling for the hurt she'd managed to cause Sam all over again. She never did anything else did she. "...You're not strong enough for Azazel, not on your own, not without the Colt. My Knife won't do it. Not on him. And Crowley's not here at the minute so we're Coltless, which essentially means we need everyone in on this. You're not doing this alone Sam"
Did he get that at least, did he know what that offer meant to her, how much of a wrench this betrayal still was. Did he care right now? Were they even still? "...Are we still together?" she asked quietly, confused and scared and not knowing entirely where anything went from here. She could loose him, and then betray Azazel still further. and the fact was she'd do it anyway. Even if Sam considered this a secret too far and walked away from her.
"Please think about this, about the next move because I know him Sam. He thinks he's safe and he's playing games. Lets use that. Lets do this sensibly." Maybe she was talking to a brick wall now, maybe he didn't love her anymore, maybe that was it for them. But even if it was she'd do what she could to keep him safe. Him and his family. They'd probably never thank her for it either. "I won't let you get hurt. I won't let it happen." she muttered, her gaze having shifted from him to the floor. She couldn't do anything other than look down, ashamed, horrified and terrified.
"Don't go?" she said softly, tearstained face still transfixed on the floor.