That felt so strange to say. So strange, in fact, that Sam actually had to pause to take in the rush of emotion that poured through him upon that very statement. He had hidden his relationship with Ruby for so very long that he didn't know how to actually talk to a person about it without feeling like he was going to get a gasp of shock or a violent reaction in response. It was strange. Yet, at the same time, Sam felt a twinge of satisfaction coming from it as well. Ruby was his now. And no matter how fucked up people thought that it was, they were also able to recognize and understand that she was off limits. He had never felt quite so possessive of a person before. Possessive and, mostly, protective of. One would think that because of her demonic nature - because of the fact that she was more physically capable of defense than most were - that he'd be far more relaxed about her ability to survive in this world. It was exactly the opposite, however. Ruby was a demon. Demons were hated with a passion among most of the people he knew. He had to protect her with his every breath, even if that meant having to stand between her and the people that he loved. Sam only hoped that it would never have to come to that. He didn't know what he'd do with himself if it ever did. "I always viewed Ruby in a better light than the rest of her kind. I was convinced that she was better than all those other demons. You have no idea how much faith I put into the fact that she wasn't...not good. But not evil either. Just something special." Something different. Kind of like him. "But now that's gone. Broken. Completely destroyed. And now she has to build her way up to that all over again. Well, not exactly that, but something different. Because I honestly don't think she'll ever be what I had thought that she was in the first place. Not after finding out the things that I did about her. There's just no way that'll ever happen."
Sam didn't know why he was doing this. Opening up to some random guy that he barely knew at a bar. But he had bottled up so much stuff for so long that he couldn't help but let these thoughts and feelings leak on through. It helped that he was drunk, too, he had to admit. Sober, Sam didn't think that Pike would find Sam Winchester quite so honest. "What you're going through with Faith seems a lot like what I'm seeing with Ruby right now. She's been doing little things and she seems so excited about it, you know?" Sam looked to Pike, a glint of amusement showing in his eyes. The little things. Something as simple as helping a kid out and Sam had known that Ruby was feeling all kinds of proud of herself. He also knew that she had been hoping for an encouraging response from him when he had found out all about what she had done that day. Unfortunately, finding out about those deaths had hindered that. He had ruined it, really, and if Sam wasn't feeling so annoyed with her right now he probably would have gone back and apologized for it. Maybe he would later. After he got a grip on himself. "But it's average. And for most people, it even would come off as incredibly unextraordinary. I don't expect for either of these women - not Faith or Ruby - to come back from the terrible things that they did before overnight. But I do want them to be better. And, with Ruby, because I once viewed her in such a good light prior to all this crap that got piled into everything, I can't move past those high expectations that I have. I know that I should. But I can't. I want her to do well so badly that it..." He raised a hand, pressing it over his heart as if to illustrate his point. "It physically hurts to see her fail. And tonight that's exactly what happened. She tried to do good, but then she failed. And I don't know how to get over that." Sam finally reached forward to take another drink of his whiskey. Fuck, he really needed some of that blood. "How do you do it?" Sam looked over at Pike curiously. "How do you deal with something like that? How are you still here, supporting Faith when something like that happens? Has it?"