_katiebell_ (_katiebell_) wrote in vrrpg, @ 2018-01-14 17:57:00 |
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Entry tags: | !the daily prophet, char: katie bell, location: delivery, location: network, time: 2010 01 |
Dear Joan: The Daily Prophet (Evening Edition)
Dear Joan... Advice from the heart, getting personal from The Prophet. |
Q: Dear Joan, My parents have been quite vocal about their desire for grandchildren, but I have legitimate medical reasons for choosing not to mother biological children. Have you any advice for getting my extremely traditional parents to respect my decision and stop hounding me to procreate? Sincerely, Not a Breeding Mare Joan: Dear Non-Breeder, First and foremost: you do not need reasons for not wanting to procreate, and good for you for knowing yourself and your heart better than anyone else. The problem here, though, is not your reasons or your decision, but rather your parents' insistence that you - your feelings, your decision - are wrong. You have two options here. First option is to silently suffer your parents' indignities until they give up or die. Both of those things could take a very long time and this is not ideal. Your second option is to stand up for yourself. You must first very clearly and directly tell your parents that this is not a topic open for discussion - you don't need to explain yourself, innumerate your reasons yet again, or even discuss your decision at all. The topic is very simply off the table. Secondly, tell them that if they cannot respect this, you will put up very clear boundaries. How these boundaries happen is up to you. You could spend less time with them/speaking with them, if you want to continue spending time with them, you could state that if the topic arises, you will leave the room. You will abruptly change the subject. The next steps are up to you, but you have to begin by telling them in no uncertain terms that this conversation is over. Q: Dear Joan, Is there ever an easy way to tell one's partner that you want to see other people, especially when you'll be in one another's lives regardless? Sincerely, Ready to move on Joan: I'm torn here, because I imagine there's a lot more to the story that you must be in your soon-to-ex's life no matter the state of the your relationship. Perhaps you have children, which does require more communication than most ex's share. Perhaps you're family's are inextricably linked. Either way, though, the amount of communication and cooperation between ex's is entirely up to you both, and if your relationship is no longer satisfactory, you have to tell your partner. It's a difficult conversation under the best of circumstances, but once one reaches this conclusion, all you can do is be honest, compassionate, and quick. Good luck. Q: Dear Joan, I think my husband is having an affair, but I'm afraid to confront him without proof. I'm also anxious to look too deep in it all in case I am right. I love my husband and don't want to destroy our marriage if I'm wrong. What should I do? Sincerely, Scared of Being Betrayed Joan: The wisdom of those before us tells us to trust our gut for a reason. I'm curious what you've found/felt that makes you think your husband has been unfaithful, but it doesn't really matter. The seed has been planted. This thought is going to eat away at you like roots into the earth. You must speak to your husband. If it's a matter of ridiculousness, he'll understand your fears and do all he can to allay them. If you've come upon something that has truth to it, you have to know. And get yourself tested for STDs immediately, whether you confront him or not. Q: Dear Joan, I've had a dreadful crush on a relative of my employer. He is in a relationship himself so I know I'm doomed. But I just can't seem to get over him and find someone else. What should I do? Sincerely, Head over heels Joan: Dear Head Over Heels, Oh crushes! How lovely and soul crushing! They're well-named! What little enjoyment we gain from a crush - that rush, the adrenaline, the butterflies - is short lived considering the much more common, realistic side of unrequited love (or lust). My suggestion? Put this person out of your mind. I know, I know! Much easier said than done! But there is so much one can do to keep our minds off of our body parts... Or other peoples'! Get a hobby, join a dating service, meet up with a big, boisterous group of friends (and ask them to set you up!). Meet new people, outside of the workplace (or their families) and maybe pick up some really fun new habits in the meantime. Let us know how it goes! |