InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Maybe you were."

Shannon Rutherford (ballerinadreams) wrote in vas_captio_rpg,
@ 2009-05-15 21:33:00

Entry tags:

!complete, day 07, location: museum, sam winchester, shannon rutherford

Day Seven - Late Night
Who: Shannon Rutherford and Sam Winchester
What: Late night talk
When: Day 7, late night
Where: the museum
Rating: PG-13
Status: Complete

It had been a long, drama-filled day and Shannon was exhausted. She'd had a not-terribly-pleasant chat with Sam that morning after having taken a bow and arrow shooting lesson with Domeki and after that she'd gone hunting with Anders. It was cold as all fuck outside and the snow was ridiculous. So ridiculous, in fact, that she and Cheryl had had to meet up to dig poor Edward out of the snow and, well, at least her hand had stopped stinging once she was back indoors and the wind and snow weren't whipping against the small laceration she'd acquired in the process. The journals had blown up with bullshit high school drama, Domeki and Watanuki had come to the museum - rounding the number of residents out to a whopping seven - because they'd been snowed out of the thrift shop, and Shannon was fucking beat, emotionally as well as physically.

She slunk back into the room she and Sam shared, bringing her torch with her and wedged it into the floor in a knothole she'd found there. After spreading out the blanket that she'd gained from waking up naked with Anders, Shannon took off the hoodie she'd been wearing and hung it from the nail the painting he'd used to cover himself had fallen from. Next, she dropped down onto the blanket and sighed, taking a drink - good thing she had ganked more alcohol before the snow had fallen. Today...sucked ass.

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demonboyking
2009-05-18 12:57 am UTC (link)

"It wasn't anything rusty, though, was it?" Sam asked, not quite satisfied with Shannon's explanation. He'd had enough scrapes over his lifetime to know the importance of fighting off infection. Especially in a place like this.

Sam caught her glance at the bottle and nodded. "Right."

He knew he should probably let of of her hand, that she was saying it was fine and that holding onto the softness of it would quickly seem strange and out of place, but he held onto it for a moment longer anyway. "It shouldn't scar too badly."

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ballerinadreams
2009-05-18 01:09 am UTC (link)

Shannon shook her head. "Uh uh," she replied. "Seriously, it'll be fine, it's no big deal," she insisted softly, trying not to fidget because she wanted her hand back, but at the same time never wanted him to let go.

Why was he still holding her hand, anyway, actually...? She wet her lips and then chewed on the bottom one, trying to rack her brain to see if she remembered Domeki's touch ever lingering like that. Not that she could recall, but then again, he had had his arms around her teaching her to use the bow and arrow and neither of them had thought much of it. She supposed it was because she wasn't attracted to Domeki the way she was Sam. Over-analysis. Fantastic...

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demonboyking
2009-05-19 12:25 am UTC (link)

Sam looked up at her, meeting her eyes for a moment. He wanted to tell her that he'd been thinking about their conversation from earlier that morning all day long. That he'd decided if they were taken back to their respective timelines that she was the person he'd miss the most. At least the person he wouldn't want to forget. Somehow, even though it seemed completely screwed up in a time and place like this, she'd managed to make him feel at home. She'd carved out a place for him, despite her reservations about her own safety, and she'd given him a purpose when he'd needed one most. He was far from enjoying the hardships of Vas - would've liked a bed to sleep in, heat, food, and knowing that he wasn't some lab rat being toyed with for someone's amusement - but he could deal with it, knowing that he had someone who believed in him.

He held her gaze for a moment, his eyes softening. He took in a small breath and opened his mouth to speak and then thought better of it. He swallowed and and looked away, slowly letting go of her hand. If he did say it, he wouldn't be able to take it back, and he was afraid that it smacked a little too much of need. He was sure Shannon had done all of those things unintentionally, just by being the person she was. That she hadn't given a second thought to it. To point them out and how much they'd meant to him would be unfairly putting her on the spot or attaching meaning to them that he was sure was only one-sided.

He sighed, reaching down and picking up the bottle. He took a long drink before he held it back out to her. "You might want to wrap it up," he suggested, glancing back over at her. "Just to make sure it doesn't get infected."

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ballerinadreams
2009-05-19 11:50 am UTC (link)

Sam had opened his mouth as though he were about to say something and then he looked away from her, letting go of her hand finally. Talk about mixed signals, she had thought, because the way he was looking at her almost appeared to be fondly. Maybe. All right, so that was a stretch, but still. Instead, he sighed and took a long drink. Shannon looked down.

When Sam finally broke the silence between them again, she looked back up at him, noticing that he was offering her the bottle. Taking it and pulling on it, she nodded half-heartedly at him. "Yeah, I probably will tomorrow, but tonight I'd rather it get some air so it'll maybe scab over faster and not be as big a problem," she replied when she finished with the drink she'd been taking. After, she paused and then looked away from Sam, back at the wall again, taking another.

The silence in the room was so loud she could hardly stand it. Her ears were on the verge of ringing, even. She had a million things to say to Sam and not an even so much as an ounce of the courage she'd need to say them. Shannon was normally so sure of herself. The brothers Winchester were the first men in as long as Shannon could remember who had made her doubt her own attractiveness; physical as well as personality. She didn't like that they had that power over her. Shannon was supposed to know that she was amazing - narcissistic? Yes - but she wasn't so sure anymore, so long as one or both of them were around.

Why didn't Sam like her? Why didn't he try to cop a feel at night or kiss the back of her neck when he thought she was sleeping? Why didn't he look at her the way so many others had? ...what was wrong with her that she wasn't good enough for him...? And most importantly, why did the fact that Sam wasn't trying to get into her pants make her feel so disgusted by herself?

"I'm tired," she said in an empty voice, eyes fixated on a knot she'd found in the wood of the wall. She didn't want to be awake anymore, because that meant being able to mull over those questions. The sooner she went to sleep, the sooner she'd wake up and she could find some other solution to the situation in which she found herself...because after tonight, one more night sleeping in Sam's embrace when she couldn't have him and she wanted him so badly...might just be too much more than she wanted to have to take.

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demonboyking
2009-05-21 09:51 am UTC (link)

Silence fell between them and he watched her as she seemed to turn her eyes away from him. She seemed stiff, uncomfortable and he wondered if something in his thoughts had played across his face. He looked down at floor trying to think of a safe conversation topic when she said she was tired.

He looked up at her and nodded. "It's been a long day," he said, more for something to say than anything else. He glanced at the bottle in her hand and couldn't help but think that finding her here trying to numb things a little wasn't something that should be a reoccuring senario. He would have to do something about Rorschach and try to ease her mind a little. If he could.

"I'm beat too," he said, suddenly feeling the words to be true.

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ballerinadreams
2009-05-21 12:57 pm UTC (link)

Long day, indeed. Shannon looked back over at Sam when he said he was tired, too. She took one last drink and then screwed the cap back on before setting it back down on the ground. Tonight was especially cold and she wondered if it was just her or if Sam had noticed it, as well. It would probably be extra special awkward, now, cuddling against him to keep warm, now that she knew he wasn't interested in her and she was nothing but a job to him. Something to do. Someone to keep an eye on. Seemed like that was all Shannon was good for on the Island and in the real world, too. Maybe she was just doomed to always be an obligation.

"How do we want to do this?" she asked, looking down again. "I mean with the blanket from yesterday morning," she added quickly, looking back up at him. "Should we keep it underneath us because the floor is fucking cold or use it to cover?"

What a lame ass discussion to be having, she thought. Sam Anders had seen her naked and spooned her that way...and things were less awkward with him. How was that even possible? God, this was ridiculous; she was acting like a twelve-year-old school girl with a crush on her teacher or something. Fucking pathetic.

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demonboyking
2009-05-22 11:09 am UTC (link)

"Probably better to use it as cover," Sam said after thinking about it for a second. "The floor should warm up underneath us and the blanket will keep in the warmth."

Not for the first time Sam wished for the luxury of crawling into a bed and throwing musty motel sheets and comforter over him. He hadn't realized how much he'd taken even the worst motel room for granted until he got here. Then again, if there were beds there'd be no reason to share body heat, something that had easily become the best part of Sam's day in this place. Not that he'd ever say so.

Sam cleared his throat. "Do you want to sleep in shifts, or try sleeping at the same time again?"

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ballerinadreams
2009-05-22 06:53 pm UTC (link)

Shannon nodded; his explanation seemed logical enough and she liked the idea of cover better, anyway, if she was honest. The idea of locking in heat was very appealing, indeed. With that, she crawled off the blanket and nodded at Sam to do the same.

"Doesn't matter," she replied. Partially because she knew it really didn't matter how they slept, since Sam swore he hadn't fallen asleep on his shift a few nights ago and somehow she'd gone from being in his arms and dressed to being in the other Sam's arms completely naked. "Jack's been watching," she added, because she was inclined to believe that Jack just didn't sleep, period.

Tucking her hair behind her ears, Shannon laid down on the floor with her back to Sam. Normally, this was not as awkward and unusually unsettling as it felt tonight and she was pretty sure it was because at least before she'd been able to entertain the idea that he might enjoy the sharing of body heat as much as she did and not just for the body heat. Tonight, she wouldn't be able to do that; it would feel fantastical and embarrassing now that she knew it wasn't true.

Shannon was shivering already, the second she laid down. The floor was cold as ice beneath her without the blanket laid down and the chill hit her like a shock wave. "Jesus..." she breathed, teeth chattering. "Fucking snow..."

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demonboyking
2009-05-25 02:49 pm UTC (link)

Sam felt a small pang of guilt strike him when Shannon said it didn't matter. She was right. He'd been keeping watch when she'd been taken, stripped and put in the next room. It was true that he'd been exhausted from the alarms going off all day, that he even suspected that was the reason behind the sirens, but that didn't change the fact that she'd been taken right from his arms. He sighed and nodded, looking defeated when she said Jack was watching. He didn't know much about their new roommate, but from what Sam could tell it looked like he wasn't afraid of fighting and he didn't require much sleep. He watched her as she laid down on the cold floor, her shoulders and back tense at what he could only guess was the coldness of it.

Sam laid down behind her and began spreading the blanket over their forms. It wasn't quite long enough to get his feet, but he reached over her, his shoulder brushing hers as he tucked it underneath her body in order to trap in the heat. He settled down behind her, wrapping his arm around her and offering his arm as a pillow the way they'd done it every other night. The floor was freezing, even through the denim of his jeans and he found himself moving closer than normal to her in an effort to forget the cold.

His nose brushed the back of her neck and he had the sudden unmistakable urge to brush his lips against the smooth skin there. The thought sent a wave of warmth through him just as quickly as he stomped it out. Suddenly being this close didn't seem like such a good idea.He moved his face back an inch or two and closed his eyes. "Goodnight, Shannon."

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ballerinadreams
2009-05-26 08:54 pm UTC (link)

Once again, Shannon was reminded of Boone when Sam laid down behind her, pulling the blanket around them. It was, she supposed, the care with which he tucked the blanket under her to help lock in the body heat the two of them would create. Boone had done that on an occasion or two when it had been cold and raining on the Island. His arm was around her then and he also still offered her his other arm as a pillow.

She almost didn't take the offer, because she wasn't sure she was willing to impose on him any further than she already was. It had been different when she could think he might secretly enjoy the imposition. Still, if he was still willing to let his arm be the one that went numb for cut off circulation from the weight of her head, then she wasn't going to fight him. As per usual, she rested her head on his arm and with her free one, she hugged herself, arm brushing his as she positioned herself more comfortably.

When Sam's nose brushed the back of her neck, Shannon closed her eyes and furrowed her brow, her stomach fluttering. She felt the redness and warmth creep into her cheeks even as he pulled away from her and she frowned. It took an awful lot more effort than Shannon wanted to admit to keep from wiggling back against him again - to feel his face nuzzled against the back of her neck - but she refrained. "Night, Sam," she whispered back.

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