InsaneJournal

Day 22, Morning
Who: Sam Winchester and Selene
What: Getting down to business
Where: Near the theatre
When: Day 22; 9:00 AM
Rating: Definite R
Status: Active

It was almost funny how there was no one else at Vas more likely to know exactly how Sam felt right at that moment than Shannon and how it was because of that very reason that he was unable to stay near her. She'd had to relive her brother's death and Sam had been faced with his brother's remains. It wasn't enough that they'd killed him, they'd also had to make him a mockery of everything he'd stood for in life. Even now the thought of Dean's broken neck and the shell of him that had come after Sam the day before made his stomach turn. If he hadn't already emptied what little contents that had been in his stomach shortly after having to fight the zombie version of Dean for his life he was sure he would've done it again. Neither he or Shannon wanted to talk about their dead brothers and all that was left was a silence that made it hard to concentrate. Which was why he'd scribbled her a note to say he'd be back and set out before she'd woken up. He felt guilty about it, but he couldn't handle the sympathy in her eyes or knowing that she wouldn't push too hard because he'd have every right to push back. It was a shitty situation, but he might as well take advantage of it. Neither of them were ready to talk about what had happened and Sam didn't know if he ever would be. Twice Dean had almost died on him and twice they'd found a way around it. There'd been casualties, there had been his dad's sacrifice but in the end Dean had still been there and somehow Sam had known that everything was going to be alright as long as he still had Dean.

Dean had made the deal to bring Sam back and the thought that his brother's time would be up in a year had felt to Sam that someone had cut him open and gutted him. Here though…here this Dean hadn't even made any deal. Here Sam had gotten three weeks. Three goddamn weeks of fighting and sidestepping and trying to get to know each other all over again. Three weeks of trying to do what it took to survive and getting so wrapped up in other things and people that they'd barely been brothers at all. He couldn't even remember the last thing he'd said to him. They'd gone through the tunnels with the Doctor, looking for the others and emerged only to find that everyone on the screens had died and Sam had drifted off to be by himself to grieve for Shannon. He'd always thought that if something ever happened to Dean he'd know it. He'd feel it somehow, someway… but the body that had come after him hadn't been fresh. His brother could've been dead for days and Sam hadn't had any idea. That was what hurt the most. The fact that deep down Sam had thought that if anyone could handle themselves, if anyone could take care of things it was Dean. He hadn't been acting like himself, but it had never occurred to Sam that he'd be vulnerable. Despite the fact that they'd faced their own morality on a fairly regular basis it had never really occurred to Sam that he could die until he had. And it had never occurred to him that Dean could die until he'd been staring what was left of him in the eye and realized that his brother was gone and he wasn't coming back.

The torch made from oil painting scraps flickered in the drizzle as Sam made his way towards the theatre. He held the torch up with one hand and one of the axes from the pharmacy in the other. He was looking for a distraction, hopefully in the form of a fight. He would take no pleasure in cutting off the head of someone who had once been a resident of Vas but he wasn't going to sit still while there was still a threat to the people he cared about.

Protect the others. It was what Dean would've wanted him to do. It was what his dad would've wanted him to do. And seeing how he was now the only Winchester left…someone had to carry on the family business.