WHAT. Grief and comfort come together for some sads and hugs. WHERE. Darla! WHEN. During the Space Plot. WARNINGS.Itâs sad and fuzzy and comforting and đ STATUS. Complete!
Atreus had been able to explore parts of Darla before, but it had usually only happened when heâd been chasing down an escaped toddler. Or the times theyâd come by for family dinner and Lance and Atreus had found a dark alcove to make out for a few minutes. That memory brought about a pang of sadness as Atreus pulled his knees up to his chest. Heâd been here a lot lately, and it reminded him of the Castle, of Red. Of Lance.
These days, everything made him think of Lance. Heâd done a pretty good job of hiding it from Yrsa, but now he had a little break as the kids were off playing with one of the other adults on the ship. It left him in the quiet, where he could sit in one of the windows that looked out to Vallo, and appreciate the view. It wasnât like him to go for alone time, Atreus had spent half of his life practically alone, and now he had a large family that he liked to throw himself at.
They were a fantastic distraction, but a sadly dwindling number these days, and it put Atreus in his feels, as they said. He couldnât even remember what set him off this time, something that Yrsa had said, or a look that had been shot his way - it made that stinging feeling behind his eyes come back in full force and heâd vanished from the fray to just-- Sit.
Probably wasnât his best move, since sitting just made him think, thinking just made him sad.
Catra noticed the lingering absence, and allowed Atreus to go unbothered â to an extent.
Finn had unlocked this hovering part of her she didnât know existed (it was called motherhood, come to think of it), but overall she tended to generally not do it to anyone else. She hated feeling like she was stepping into someoneâs business when they didnât want her to. Sometimes she did some pushing, some shoving if she felt like it was something serious; and if nothing gave, all she could do was promise them that sheâd be there if needed.
But she knew what was wrong in this case, and there were things Atreus might need to work out by himself â and other things sheâd refuse to let him dwell on alone. That wasnât what their relationship was. They were family. Birthday twins. And she had loved Lance like family, too.
Her approach was quiet; light on her feet, tail flickering from side to side in caution. Catra hesitated for all about two seconds before she slipped in next to him. âI think Iâm making some pancake art for dinner,â she piped up, following his gaze out the window.
Atreus startled briefly with the appearance of Catra, she was one of the few people that could easily sneak up on him even when he was paying attention. But her company wasnât unwelcome, and it barely took a second before he was leaning against her a little. His father had tried to instill a sense of independence in him young, but Atreus had always learned the lesson from his mother that there was nothing wrong with depending on those you cared about.
Catra and Adora made it easy for him to feel like he was welcome, and Atreus had never taken advantage of it as much as he had this week. âYeah?â When his voice cracked from the previous surge of emotion, he sucked in a breath, steadied himself, and tried again. âIf you can manage a bear, Yrsa will love that. Sorry Iâm--â He gestured to himself, as if that explained the rest.
Well. That quietly broke her heart, the way Atreus choked on his feelings. âYeah,â was her raspy reply back to all of that in general; managing the bear art (which she figured she could do if she managed a damn unicorn for Adora) and all the emotional aches he was going through. âYou donât have to apologize for anything, you know.â
He leaned, and Catra took the opportunity to drape an arm around his shoulders. The size difference made it slightly awkward but she was determined to make it work. She was tiny, fierce, and protective. âI figured you needed a moment when you didnât come back right away,â she confessed, biting back a sigh. âI gave you some moments of alone time to start with, but I know you need people.â
He still frowned at himself, but nodded. âI know. Itâs a hard habit to break.â He not only needed people, but he craved the hugs and the holding and the general presence. âHe means well, but Father processes grief a lot differently than I do. But grief is-- I hate saying it like that, you know?â
Grief was what he felt when he lost his mother. When Freyr died. When Brok was killed. Lance wasnât dead, he was home.
Probably. Or so they assumed. Either way, he was somewhere safe, he just wasnât here with Atreus. âI know heâs okay. I just donât know how to be just me again.â He drew in a shaky breath. âDid you know weâd been together for two years the day after he disappeared? Canceling that vacation was uh- fun.â
âI didnât,â Catra blinked, feeling her throat tighten. Two years together afterâfuck, that must have felt like Vallo delivered a personal blow. It didnât seem real sometimes. Part of her still expected Lance to send out a video about Monty, make some heartfelt post about something. Sometimes he stopped by with something iced and caffeinated for her, a routine that became normal background noise.
Now there was this hole where he once existed, and it was shitty.
âAnd itâs grief,â she added after a moment. âI know itâs not grief in terms of death, but itâs loss. Itâs the absence of someone thatââ You might never see again, Catra almost said. She didnât want to. She often didnât mince words, but the last thing she wanted was to add salt to Atreusâ wounds. She redirected. âSomeone you had a future with. And you saw glimpses of that future.â
Oh, gods. He couldnât let himself go down that rabbit hole. To wonder what would happen now to their future, the future theyâd seen, with an entire houseful of kids. Vallo was ever-changing, and no dreams lately had given him any indication something had changed, so Atreus had been living in denial that it was something that could be taken from him. He was resolved to still go forward and adopt, itâs what Lance would want for him. For them.
âIt sucks, thatâs what.â There was no other words for it in his brain. It sucked. What good were having glimpses of the future, either from Vallo or from his own brain, if he couldnât do anything to stop terrible things from happening? âIâm not sure when things are going to start feeling a little less raw, but Iâm glad we have you guys to lean on. So, thank you. For being there for us.â
âDuh,â Catra retorted. Over the years she had somehow mastered making that sound affectionate, and the fact that there was the subtle thundering of a purr rolling off her was telling. âYouâre likeâyou know.â
Her free hand gestured vaguely, hoping that would somehow explain every single feeling she was expressing but she knew it didnât, and she had to be an adult and use her words. It was tragic but sheâd persevere. If there was one thing she learned during her time was to tell the people she cared about how she felt about them â because they could be on the next list tomorrow, and that would be it. There wouldnât be another chance. âYouâre family,â she sighed, squeezing Atreusâ shoulder. âSo wasâis Lance. Weâve got you. If you want to haunt the halls of Darla while you work through this, youâre welcome to. If you need to get sad drunk, Iâd make sure you stay hydrated and give you a trash can. If you want me to make you a fucking pancake dinosaur, you let me know what kind and Iâll try not to mess it up.â
It was the purring that did it. That rumble that went through him radiating from Catra actually earned a smile, and then a little laugh. Heâd had Finn purr on him a few times now, and that feeling was truly something else, just like this one. But he wouldnât call it out, not to risk ruining this moment that made him feel something other than sorrow for a few minutes.
âDuh.â Even mimicking her words, it didnât sound natural coming from him, but he was smiling anyway. âI make a really bad sad drunk, but youâre winning me over with dino pancakes.â And the talk about family, which made him just- breathe a little better. Family. âCan you manage a brontosaurus? Whenever I get to watch them hop up and eat from the treetops and it makes me a little happier.â
The smile meant Catra must have done something right. It was a small light in all of this gloom and blue, and she knew Atreus was going to have his ups and downs. They were going to suck, but she was going to be stubborn and in his business about it.
âIt might not be the prettiest brontosaurus,â she chuckled, pulling her arm back just to squish Atreusâ damn face. She loved him, and sheâd maim someone for him, and these were good feelings to have even if it brought the fear that one day they all might be separated. âBut Iâll figure it out. You and Yrsa can decorate your pancakes with different toppings or whatever, itâll be fun. And cute, I guess.â
Atreus scrunched up his entire face when he got squished, causing further squish. It just made him even more glad he had her, because when theyâd first met years before, he never expected Catra to be a person he could lean on, and yet sheâd became that and more so quickly. âIf you have sprinkles, we can make anything look prettier, trust me.â
He leaned in and pressed a quick kiss to Catraâs temple. âThanks, again. Letâs go get food and make pretty pancakes. I plan on eating enough whipped cream to drown out any lingering bad feelings.â
The purring might have gotten up a notch there. Catra didnât try to cover it up â itâd be silly and pointless anyway. âIâve got like two cans of whipped cream on this ship so thatâs doable, butâŠâ
Joining the rest of the gang was important and going to happen very soon, yeah, except she had to do something first and that something was a hug, wrapping her striped arms around Atreusâ shoulders fiercely. Hugging the people you loved was important, she learned. Sheâd never been much of a hugger (that was always Scorpia), but she always felt this pang of regret every time she lost someone close for not doing the simple, easy thing of not fucking hugging them enough.
So they were going to hug. He was going to like it.
Hopefully?
âI love you, loser,â she huffed, squishing a fluffy ear into his cheek. âThanks for not hiding away and sticking close to us.â
Atreus hugged her back just as fiercely. For the first half of his life, heâd only ever been hugged by his mother (who had set the bar quite high), and then there was a gap in all of that until heâd made the family here in Vallo. Hugs had become one of his favorite things, especially with these people.
Hugs like this made him feel like he could make it another day. And another after that. âI love you too. Thanks for taking care of me.â