Alex’s nerves were getting the better of her. They shouldn’t be, she recognized that. This wasn’t her first timeslip. She knew how it went, and she knew things were going to be different this time. The kids were already different – seeing the little boy she thought was going to be hers as a full-grown man, one who called Kara Mama was strange to take in, even knowing it was inevitable. But she loved Theo and Lori just as immediately, and the pain that took hold of her heart at the idea of missing them wasn’t something she wanted to deal with.
A distraction in the form of something even more unexpected was welcome. She had seen an older Adora her last go-round at this, but an older Catra was a new one. She seemed pretty pleased to see her, but there was only so much that could be gauged from the chaos of that network post.
Which was why she was headed to Darla with Esme in tow on the second day. Yesterday had been full of hugs and stories and getting to know those beautiful kids, but they needed an afternoon with their parents. And Alex couldn’t go without seeing Catra regardless.
Adora greeted them first when they stepped off the elevator onto the observation deck. Esme went racing over to her, and Adora scooped her up and twirled her around with the biggest grin. “Well, hi there! Finn’s taking a nap, so what do you say to helping me make some spooooky decorations for Halloween, huh? I’ve got all the crayons and construction paper and glue and–”
“Yeah!” Esme cheered. “Let’s go!”
“Catra’s in the kitchen, Alex!” Adora called out as they walked off, no doubt headed toward Catra’s art room.
“Wow. Abandoned so quickly,” Alex remarked, shaking her head as she watched them disappear through the corridor doors. She turned to make her way into the kitchen and poked her head inside to spot her adoptive little sister inside. Tapping on the doorframe, she asked, “Can I come in?”
“Yeah,” was the answer she called out, just about done stacking the bottles into the dishwasher for them to be sanitized and washed. Mom duty didn’t end during time-traveling and she was dead-set on making sure she completed many of the tasks around the house – but so did Adora. They were a team. A twenty year difference didn’t keep them from working together seamlessly.
Having her hands busy while she waited was something Catra needed for herself anyway, a safe way to expel nervous energy that wasn’t always just a restless twitch of her tail or a swivel of her ears. Alex was here, though, and eventually she had to straighten her posture and look over – just to see a face that she hadn’t seen in over two decades.
(Not in person, anyway. Pictures existed. Some had been replaced over the years as the kids grew, but there were a few gems still up for nostalgic reasons.)
Catra was still young, in the scheme of things. The changes were there though – more lines in her face as her expressions changed, her hair tamed and smoothed almost to total straightness. In some places of her body she became sharper, and in others softer. The last time she laid eyes on Alex, their reunion began with Catra throwing herself into a clingy hug and trying to choke back the tears.
The feeling of that hug was back, but it was channeled into a fond smile instead, a sigh breathing out from between her lips. “Call me kid when I’m older than you and we’re going to have problems.”
“I restrained myself for a reason,” Alex replied. As far as she was concerned, Catra would always be a kid, but that was too true to say out loud right now. She knew what she was getting into here, coming to see a Catra who hadn’t seen her in far too many years, but she was willing to take whatever it came with, good or bad. So far, the smile seemed good.
But she found herself really wanting that hug. Maybe she had walked into this situation expecting it, if she was honest with herself. She hadn’t been expecting it when she’d first come back and come looking for the Catra of this time period, but for some reason, she’d been expecting it now. Hoping, more like.
“Can I help?” she asked instead, stepping up beside Catra. “Put me to work if you’re busy. I don’t want to interrupt.”
“Please - don’t underestimate the wife hustle that goes on when it comes to keeping up with this place,” Catra chuckled, pressing the buttons on the machine to get it started. All the standing chores were done, and Alex had all her focus. “Let me look at you, weirdo.”
Standing before her, her hands went to Alex’s shoulders just to study her and gods, that was a knife twisting right in the heart. It was surreal seeing her like this, as if she had just walked out of one of her older photo albums - unchanged, young, unaffected by all the years that had passed by her and Adora, Kara and Lena. Alex’s face existed only in pictures; her voice only in recordings, her legacy in the stories they told one another.
“I never thought I’d see you again,” she confessed, a glisten of tears in her eyes. They didn’t fall, but they were there. For Alex. “Twenty-something years later, you know?”
“Yeah.” Alex’s smile was nothing more than lips pressed together in an attempt to hold back the emotional well tightening her chest. This was exactly what she’d been trying so hard not to think about while also doing her best to make sure present Catra was filled up with good memories. The thought of leaving behind this person she loved more than she could describe was more painful than she cared to acknowledge.
Especially when she knew she’d never stay here forever. She knew that, as much as she wanted to be here for her sisters, for Lena, she just wasn’t meant for this world. But there was no situation where she felt good about that, no matter how real it may be.
“I’m sorry,” she murmured, lifting one hand to grasp Catra’s upper arm, squeezing gently. “I’m sorry I can’t stick around. You would be the one reason I’d want to stay.” She took a slow breath as her eyes welled with tears and she willed them not to fall. She opened her mouth to say more, but she just shook her head and took the plunge – pulling Catra into a proper hug. This time, she would be the one who clung.
That was a fierce hug Catra gave, and she was sure it beat the one from this present. This was twenty years of absence poured into one embrace and she didn’t care if it lasted for what felt like forever. That was how long it felt like since she’d last seen her.
She wasn’t without family this present or her present, but Alex had been one of the first to show her what a family bond could even be like - what it meant to have and love a sister, a concept she didn’t understand until she came to Vallo. It stuck with her. It was what she had with Kara and saw in her own daughters.
“This must be a weird time for you,” she laughed wetly, pressing the side of her face into Alex’s hair, a fluffy ear squished between them. Catra hadn’t let go yet. She knew Theo and Lori had slipped through the cracks of the latest time shifts too, and she had grown used to Theo being Kara’s after all these years but she knew he’d been Alex’s once, too. “How are you holding up, little sis?”
Little sis. Alex scoffed, but she didn’t pull away to protest with a glare like the ones Catra often gave her. She kept clinging; as long as Catra wanted to hold onto her, she would hold on right back. It made her heart ache in this strange mix of good and bad ways, knowing the Catra before her hadn’t had this in so long because Alex would inevitably leave her again, here in this present.
“I’m holding up fine,” was her response, firm and sure. It didn’t hurt to see Lena and Kara with kids of their own. It felt right, like it was meant to be this way. It didn’t even hurt to see Theo addressing Kara as his mother – just weird, a shift she had to adjust to, but she did. Theo wasn’t hers anymore, but he was happy and healthy, and such a brilliant guy. She couldn’t have done better herself.
“What’s it like being back here?” she asked. She finally reluctantly pulled back. No physical contact was broken, her arms remaining around her sister, but she wanted to look at her. “And what’s your future looking like?”
“It’s nostalgic,” was Catra’s answer to her first inquiry, letting Alex have a look at her. “Ivy and Spirit are alive,” she then added, lips tilting into a bittersweet smile. Every chance she had to pet them, she was taking. It was also quiet without the twins, without Finn just strolling in whenever they felt like it, without the grown cubs prowling around since they loathed being away from their people. “We have the girls – Mara and Hope, they just started high school – and Finn’s grown. They have their own place.”
That was why she was soaking up time with the baby version of them, though she did her best not to be too greedy. This was Adora’s time. Catra already experienced everything with them; she wouldn’t dare hog them to relive moments that had become cherished memories.
“Adora’s good, and we’re good,” she confirmed. “Vallo’s thrown us curveballs like it does. There have been a few close calls, a few new scars, but nothing we haven’t been able to handle together. Been having the time of my life, honestly.”
Finn was grown. There were twins, something she knew had only been hinted to Catra and Adora in the last timeslip Alex had experienced herself. And she would never get to see them as little ones. She would only be a story to them, just like she’d only been a story to Theo and Lori. It was a pang she kept feeling, but it didn’t get easier no matter how many times she felt it.
Maybe she’d get lucky and see Hope and Mara come through this time. Finn, too. She wouldn’t stake any bets on it, but the possibility existed. She has Theo and Lori. Why not?
“That’s fantastic, Catra,” Alex said sincerely, mimicking her sister’s earlier pose and sliding her hands to her shoulders. She gave them a good squeeze. “You deserve everything good, and it sounds like you’ve got it.”
“Could have used you around though,” Catra told her, sighing deeply. Her own hands traveled up Alex’s arms, grasping her wrists – but they could stay here, she just wanted to hold onto her a little. “Kara’s missed you. She always misses you. We’ve been doing our best to keep each other in check.”
Kara, filling in the role of protective big sister. Catra, filling in the role of pragmatic grumpy lesbian sister, each of them a side of Alex. Twenty years later, it was hard to imagine family without picturing one another.
“And Lena’s – fine,” she added, though there was a twist of her nose as she said it, as if it wasn’t entirely the truth. “You’ve met their kids already, yeah?”
“Yeah, yesterday,” Alex confirmed. She didn’t dwell on hearing they missed her, other than a small smile. She couldn’t even say she missed them because, back home, how was she to know? But she was glad they had each other. She was glad that, if nothing else, her place in both of their lives was filled with each other’s presence.
“I don’t like that nose wrinkle when it comes to Lena. You better tell me what’s going on,” she said, faux-sternly. “But let’s go sit down. Mind if I grab a soda?”
“None of my business is what’s going on,” was Catra’s retort, fighting back a grimace and failing. She gestured towards the fridge dismissively, because no shit, grab a soda. “She and Kara aren’t getting a divorce or anything - you know them, they’re disgusting.”
As if she could talk any shit. She and Adora haven’t ceased being obnoxious. That lap was still hers even in public. It made the kids sigh every time.
She slid into the booth, propping her chin into the bed of her palm, eyes tracking her across the kitchen. “They’ll be okay.”
Alex liked the sounds of this less and less as she reached into the fridge for soda and returned to sit beside her sister in the booth. She popped open the can and studied Catra for a long moment. Whatever it was may be none of her business, but she clearly knew enough to be troubled by it. Part of Alex wanted to push, wanted to know everything so she had a hope of helping.
But she couldn’t. She wasn’t in their future, and she had to hope decades on, Kara and Lena were just as capable of handling conflict as they were now.
“Well, tell me more about you, then,” she prompted. “Are you working? What’s Finn doing now that they’re all grown up?”
Alex didn’t push, and Catra felt guilty about it; like she had dangled some kind of carrot in her face, taunting her without the intent to taunt her. The whole thing involved family. Alex was family. But what was happening weren’t her problems to air out, and before she answered those questions–
“Hey,” she whispered, stretching her arm across the table for her hand. “Trust me when I say that they’re not alone. Timelines are just–fragile, you know? And as for Finn.” Catra craned her neck towards the exit of the kitchen, trying to suss out how close Adora was to them, ears twitching to pick up on the sound of her voice.
She was far enough. Still, she’d speak quietly. “They help with Defense sometimes,” she replied, rolling her eyes about it. Catra was not thrilled about any of her children possibly following in their footsteps - she’d be delighted if they did something boring, like flipping burgers - but Finn was their own person. Stubborn like both their moms, though. “They’re really big into theatre, and they also help me out sometimes - I teach self-defense and emergency procedure protocols to kids. We re-configured the Horde’s training curriculum into something more humane. It’s worked.”
Alex squeezed that hand, grateful for even that small reassurance. She knew Kara and Lena could handle themselves and whatever was going on. She didn’t need details as long as she knew they were okay. The last thing she wanted was to break something further by prying details out of Catra if there was any chance of it making things worse.
“That’s amazing,” Alex grinned at Catra’s reveal. “I just know you’d be great at that. Those kids couldn’t ask for a better teacher.” She shook her head slightly, though. “But it’s hard to believe that little person is all grown up now, no matter what they’re doing.”
“It’s fucking insane,” Catra breathed out a soft laugh, finding herself marveled by the fact every time her eyes looked upon this Finn; incapable of speech, utterly helpless. Twenty years passed by in a blink of an eye – didn’t feel like it when she was in it, but looking back?
Yeah. It went.
Alex’s hands were given one last squeeze before she let go, reluctant. “Esme’s with Kara?” she asked, wishing she could know what became of them in the last two decades. Catra wanted to know how Alex lived, who Esme grew up to be; but there was a chance she’d never know, and her heart ached for it. “I still have her art, you know. You’ll have to let her know that I definitely got my ten dollars worth.”
“She’s with your wife,” Alex corrected. “She stole her away the second we got here to help with Halloween crafts. I guess she wanted to give me some time with just you, uninterrupted. But she’ll be glad to know you still have her artwork, I’m sure. She’ll think she’s a famous artist.”
In a way, maybe she was to Catra, Adora, and the future of their family. They hadn’t seen each other in twenty years, and maybe they never would again. That was how it seemed like it was going to go, and as much as she hated it, at least she knew Catra remembered her and thought of her. Maybe it was selfish to want that, to be glad for that, but it made her feel like she’d had an impact, even ages after she was gone.
Catra’s eyes lit up, a slow smile curling her lips. “Planning to crash that little art session shortly then,” she said. That meant Adora was really busy, then; too busy to possibly toy with the idea of eavesdropping out of curiosity. She had to watch what she said and who she said it to.
This next part, she thought, was safe. It was something she needed to get off her chest, anyway.
“This stays between us,” is how she segued into it, claws lazily tracing nonsense into the top of the table. “You don’t tell me, or Adora. Not anyone.” Alex would be gone soon. Her time was limited here, a suspicion they all had around this time, and they loathed to be proven right. She’d be too busy wrapping up what she could with everyone. “But I have a – sister.”
The word felt fine when she used it in reference to Alex or Kara. It always felt funny when she was referencing the other one.
“A biological one,” Catra clarified, running a hand through her hair. “Older. We didn’t really have a happy reunion. It’s complicated. We tried, when she was around – and I think we got to an okay place. It took me a while, but all I could think about was how she could never live up to you. You were the first sister to me that meant anything, and having the real thing was nothing compared to you.”
All Alex had to do was nod for Catra to know her secret was safe. She didn’t want to influence the way future events panned out if she could help it. Vallo played by its own fast and loose rules when it came to knowing the future, but some things still had to work out naturally. Whatever it was Catra told her, she would keep to herself for as long as she remained here.
When she heard just what that secret was, her eyebrows shot up. Catra had a sister – a real, biological sister. Alex was well aware that Catra was a war orphan, that she’d been found in the lower levels of the Horde, hiding in an applesauce box where Adora found her. She knew the Catra-of-now had given up on finding any biological family of her own, not hopeful that she’d turn out as lucky as Adora had with a whole family on another planet who had lost her and loved her still.
But she had a sister. That was something.
A small frown tugged at Alex’s lips as she listened to the brief explanation that accompanied this revelation. She was happy she meant so much to Catra, of course, and she was glad she’d made such a mark on her. She liked to think she’d played a part in opening Catra up to taking in a little more found family. She still talked about being close with Kara, and she had plenty of other friends who were like family here in this time that she assumed carried through.That was good – great – but it made her wonder.
“I love you for that,” she said gently, deciding to voice her thoughts as she reached out to tangle her fingers with her sister’s again and squeeze. “You’ll always be my sister, even if I’m not here forever, and that means the world to me. I just hope… comparing your sister to me didn’t affect you getting the closure you needed there.”
“Oh, it did,” Catra admitted shamelessly, the short laugh she let out bitter. “Not your fault, obviously. I have my family, you know? I’m happy with the people I chose for myself. I accepted the idea of never knowing where I came from, and I was… fine with it. Better to focus on what I had than what I didn’t.”
And for her, who had done so much damage to her home planet in three years – who conquered, raided, held people hostage, hurt her friends, shattered reality to make a new one to fill the holes of a broken heart – she had more than she ever thought possible. Three years felt like a drop of nothing compared to all the other years she’s lived out, but it was an important time. A hard time. The universe didn’t owe her shit, but she was happy. She tried to be someone deserving of it.
Then came her.
“She’s not a bad person. Joined some bandit gangs but she wasn’t–she didn’t do anything like I did,” was how she phrased that, sighing. “It was just a weird time and I didn’t like her at first. She’s still no you or Kara, so maybe it is kind of your fault for giving me expectations.”
(It was a joke.)
Alex rolled her eyes fondly, but she knew there was a nugget of truth in that joke. She couldn’t bring herself to feel regretful, though. She wished Catra had felt a little differently, that she’d let herself let this sister of hers in without comparison, but she couldn’t really blame her. If some long-lost biological sibling of hers showed up (which was an impossibility for many reasons, but hypothetically), she knew all she’d be able to do was compare them to Kara. Her beautiful Kryptonian ray of sunshine, the girl who had given her life reason and destroyed any chance she’d ever have in normalcy all at the same time.
It wouldn’t be a fair fight. Kara would always win.
And here in Vallo, where she remembered the bond she shared with Catra, where she was equally as important as Kara in Alex’s heart, she would be a tough act to follow, too. They were family, and anyone trying to come into that unexpectedly would be in for a trial.
“I’m glad you tried,” she said at last, “and that it went well enough. I guess that means she was a temporary visitor, too, huh?”
“Probably for the best,” Catra swallowed, aware of how that sounded. It sounded bad. As if she didn’t like or care for this sister, which wasn’t the case, but – complicated. It was so severely complicated. She hated to keep looking at her (with her amber eyes, and their matching stripes) and think, If you knew what became of me, why didn’t you try to help me?
Maybe they learned to have a better relationship back home. Maybe she just let the guilt overtake her and kept hiding, watching Catra from a distance. She’d never know.
“I diiiiid…” She pulled on Alex’s fingers, making a funny face for the next part. “Learn a few things. Like how my birth name is C’yra. Still prefer what Adora named me, though, as unoriginal as it is.”
“Well, you can only expect so much originality from a little kid,” Alex pointed out with a grin. She couldn’t really muster up a surprised act at this reveal. She knew Catra had been hopeful Clawdeen had simply been a case of mistaken identity, but it was hard not to suspect there was some actual significance there. C’yra was a pretty name, but even if it was really hers, it tracked she would always think of herself as Catra – she’d gone years with that name, and the change wasn’t necessary.
Speaking of little kids, the moment was suddenly broken by the thudding footsteps of a six-year-old. Esme raced into the kitchen with a cut-out construction paper pumpkin that she’d custom-designed with what looked like, in Alex’s opinion, a fuckload of glitter and sequins. She had to fight the grimace when the inevitable embrace emitted a puff of the dreaded stuff.
“Mama! Catra! Look what I made!” If Esme noticed Catra looking older, she didn’t comment or seem to register it. “Isn’t it pretty? Adora says I should give it to Auntie Kara as a gift!”
“Oh, your Aunt Lena’s gonna love that,” Alex replied.
Catra definitely did.
Esme bursting in took her breath away. Part of her expected to see an older version – something that would sync up to the decades that had passed but here she was, exactly how she remembered. Bright eyes, petite, a smile that could thaw the coldest of hearts.
“The best pumpkin,” she confirmed for her, doing a fairly decent job at keeping her words from quivering except there was a hitch in her breath that was damning, but subtle. “Adora really loves pulling the glittery stuff out. It’s her favorite.”
“It’s my favorite, too!” Esme decided, admiring her creation again before beaming at Catra. “But she says I should make something different for you because you’re allergic to glitter.” She frowned, as if this was a terrible affliction. “Does it make you sneeze?”
“It gets everywhere,” Catra answered her, grinning fondly. “Remember that I can be a little fluffy – and it just sticks to me, it’s the worst. Adora has to brush me for a long time to get it all out.”
Hard to say if that benefited Catra or Adora more.
“Don’t make that sound like I hate it,” Adora chimed in from the doorway, cradling a very awake baby Finn against her chest. She kissed their little head and sent a wink in her wife’s direction. “Want to come help us make more?
“What do you think, kiddo?” Alex said, directing that comment at Esme – don’t worry, she was keeping her promise not to call Catra kid right now. “Want to make some more pumpkins?”
“Yeah!” Esme cheered, standing up in between her mother’s legs to reach for Finn’s little hands as Adora approached. Alex held her firmly still, drawing those glittery hands back just a hair to keep from spreading the stuff to Finn, too.
Then, she smiled over her shoulder at Catra. “How about you, sis? Ready?”
Catra watched her, taking a moment to respond. She had two days with her at most, and then after that–
That was it again.
“Yeah,” she answered finally, rising to her feet. She gave her bravest – and smallest – smile. “I’m game.”