WHAT: Lena and Alex get some closure when it comes to their Vallo history WHERE: Lena's Lab @ L-Corp WHEN: Today WARNINGS: None really STATUS: Complete
Alex wondered if any time spent in Vallo would ever be simple.
Having Esme here gave the experience a different feel, a different set of worries. It hadnât taken long â just a few days â for her daughter to express that she was missing Kelly, and even with Alexâs reassurance that they would see her again soon, there had still been a period of pouting and some clinginess in response. It was tough to see her missing her mama, especially with what she and Kelly had been going through lately. They had worked hard to make sure Esme had consistency between them both, and now that had all been ripped away. Esme was only six; it had to be startling.
Alex had decided the best way to handle this was to compare their impromptu dimension-hopping to a vacation. She promised they would go back home soon, that she would be able to tell her mama all her adventures (though she doubted that would come true, not when she knew from experience how those memories were taken away). She felt pretty confident in the eventuality of returning. Something felt different this time around; the sense of permanence was missing.
Esme had actually really taken to Vallo, though. She wanted to meet all of the locals â from elves to pixies to Glenn the Minotaur at his bagel cart â and Kara was happy to take her around the city to fulfill those wishes. They got together for breakfast at Whole Latte Love and Kara chattered away about their plans for the day. Alex suspected by the time they met back up for dinner that evening, her kiddoâs mind would be a million miles away from home.
In the meantime, she had a date with Lena. Not a date date, but time together. Time alone together, which had been scarce in the excitement of her return. But it was long overdue, something they both needed. They had ended without really ending, and now, they had that chance.
âSo,â she said, following Lena into her private labspace. The space was familiar and had an oddly relaxing effect on her when she stepped inside. âWhatâs on the docket today, Ms. Luthor?â
âAbsolutely nothing,â Lena answered, and was that pride in her voice? It was. Lena Luthor did not take pride in things like absolutely nothing, but here she was, grinning wide - a cheeky, ear-to-ear grin that could be categorized as cute. âWell, I meanââ
Taking a few steps inside, she locked her fingers and swayed her hands from side to side as she thought it over. âI have a few things on the side when it comes to alchemical-magical things,â she corrected. âBut itâs nothing all-consuming that keeps me down here for hours on end. Those are more like hobbies, I suppose? Iâve been doing this thing, you see, where my job and my obsessive behavior in regards to figuring out the unknown isnât this mistress I have on the side.â
So why did she bring Alex here, was the question? The answer was simple. It was familiar. It was an area they often engaged with each other in with late night discussions and work. Kara helped her with the more business side of things at L-Corp, and while she had a sharp mind that could talk shop from time to timeâ
Alex really could talk shop. She was brilliant with the sciences, and she still stood by the statement that a job in management and delegations with a political skew were a waste of her gifts.
Color Alex surprised. She had been sure Lena had some project in mind â and she was actually happy to work by her side, as always. Her sister was a scientific brain, but she had little interest in any of the Earth-centered sciences, and even adding magic in there didnât seem to pique her curiosity. If Lena needed a stimulating work partner, Alex was here for it in any dimension, honestly. They always bounced ideas off each other and overall worked smoothly together.
She couldnât say she was disappointed by this development, though. With Kara absent during Alexâs time in Vallo before, it had been her responsibility to reel Lena away from her workaholic tendencies, but it had always been a hit-or-miss situation. She didnât have much ground to stand on when she was guilty of over-filling her own work schedule â usually to keep her from going through a bottle of whiskey in an evening, but that was no excuse.
She was glad Lena was finding some work-life balance, finally. She liked the way she smiled about it, so proud of herself. She wasnât surprised Karaâs presence was the influence she really needed, because it was for Alex, too. Keeping them from drowning in their obsessions was one of Supergirlâs secret powers.
âGood for you.â She smiled and slid onto one of the stools at the worktable. She was still happy to be down here; there really was something soothing in the familiarity, in the memories that filled her mind. Some very science-focused, some very not. âI like seeing you smile like that.â
âThank you,â she replied in earnest, the smile softening into something that was slightly more timid. Having Alex back was amazing. And being able to see Esme â her goddaughter â wasnât something she was taking for granted. All of it was the definition of bittersweet, though. Uncomplicated, but also a little bit complicated.
But there was no bad blood, no bad feelings. They all co-existed as family because thatâs what they were. Family.
Lena took a seat too, folding her hands over the counter. âWe caught a glimpse of a very complicated future, and â there was a lot I missed thanks to being so stuck at work,â she explained, carefully. âIt was very important work. It also just put so much in perspective.â
âOh yeah?â Alexâs eyebrows lifted; she didnât think sheâd heard about this complicated future yet â and Rao knew Kara had gone on a pretty extensive ramble. Knowing her sister, that meant it was something bad, something she wanted to keep from Alex. But if it was momentous enough to inspire this kind of determined change in Lena, she wanted to know more. âWhat happened?â
âA lot happened,â Lena alluded vaguely, thinking back to what she remembered â the exchanges she had with that future version of Kara, the vague hodge-podge of memories. Those came with more feelings than explicit moments, and she could recall the guilt vividly. The feeling of inadequacy. How she was missing out on so much. âItâs a future that weâre no longer on the course of, supposedly - but it was more or less apocalyptic. Typical evil antagonist that drained the world of its magic, and turned many people into puppets. We began to rely heavily on the science side of things but, as you know, there arenât a lot of us around. Nothing compared to the strictly magic population, anyway. I know that I was very involved because of that, but it meant I wasnât around for the people who needed me.â
Kara. A little girl whose face she didnât know, but was every bit theirs.
And Theo, a child that they met together. That brought them together.
âAh. Sounds like fun,â Alex commented, trying to keep her tone light. A future that was âmore or less apocalypticâ begged more questions but also sang of touchiness. As much as she wanted to prod, she didnât want to stir up anything that Lena wasnât ready to share on her own. In the end, she supposed it didnât matter, if they were off that trajectory. She didnât want to butt in.
Lena knew it wasnât fair to withhold details, not when she and Kara explicitly spoke about finding Theo. She didnât know how long Vallo would keep Alex here for â and she didnât know how long it would keep her here, either. All of it remained a gamble. Sometimes, the urge to find the boy that had become her son in two timelines felt selfish.
It wasnât a secret she cared to keep. She knew well what secrets and deceit did to people.
âTheo,â she began, clearing her throat, âwas part of that future. I was still his mom. But so was Kara â I suppose I chose to find him anyway, and she was part of the picture for it.ââ
Theo. Oh, Alexâs heart squeezed when the little boyâs name was spoken. She remembered when he had first arrived â in the first timeslip. He had been the reason she and Lena had finally admitted their feelings to each other, and their relationship had finally kicked into gear. Alex had been looking forward to being his mom someday.
Now that had changed.
It made sense. Her absence meant circumstances changed. But she was glad to hear Lena had still found Theo, even in an apocalyptic timeline where she was with Kara instead. He was a good boy, and he deserved a loving home, no matter who his parents were. Maybe the constant for him was just Lena. Maybe she was meant to be his mom, no matter what.
âAre you two planning to find him?â she asked quietly. Last sheâd seen Theo, he had been eleven, and if she was remembering right, heâd given his birth year as that very year â 2021. He would be barely a toddler now, and she didnât know how heâd ended up in the system. She hoped it wasnât some tragic accident, that he had simply been surrendered at birth, but it was hard to say.
She hoped Lena found him.
Lena breathed in calmly, deeply, through her nose.
âWe are,â she answered, the honesty feeling dreadful despite how needed it was right now â she hadnât officially started the ball on that, but she and Kara were on the same page and that was an important step forward. If they were going to go in on this to be Theoâs mothers, she wanted them to be more settled into their relationship. âWe want to. Kara obviously knows about â us, how when we met Theo, it was us. I donât know when weâll do it yet. Thereâs a lot of legal work involved with an Outlander adopting a Vallo native. But I still want to be his mother, Alex.â
âYou should be his mother,â was Alexâs firm, immediate response. She could feel the hint of hesitance in Lenaâs words, like she wasnât sure she should be telling Alex this but had charged on ahead anyway. The honesty was appreciated, even if a little pang of knowing she wouldnât get to be a part of the equation this time around accompanied it.
She reached out and took Lenaâs hands in both of hers, squeezing gently. âYouâre going to be a great mom. Kara, too. I know⊠he was ours first. It sucks that we arenât going to get that. But he couldnât get better moms if he tried. You two are going to be great, okay? I know it.â
Lena didnât know how she thought this conversation could be had with dry eyes. Hers wasnât. They watered, and she would have wiped the edges before any tears fell if it werenât for the fact that Alex held her hands - and she loathed to move them.
He was ours first.
What a punch to the gut.
âI certainly donât doubt her capabilities,â she laughed wetly, the words choked in her throat. âBut Karaâs always been a good example to follow. She loves him already. And weâre looking forward to it.â
âDonât doubt yours either,â Alex rebuked her, knowing just what she was implying there. The words themselves may seem harsh, but her tone was all tenderness. âYouâre going to be an amazing mom. I know it. You were so good with Theo when we had him. And Esme, she loves you so much.â She smiled encouragingly. âSometimes, I think she loves you more than me.â
She freed their connected hands to raise hers to Lenaâs wet cheeks, dabbing gently with the pads of her fingers. The emotion of this conversation wasnât lost on her. Close as they were, she knew Lena could see that she was red in the face, her eyes beginning to water. But she was holding it together. She would always hold it together for Lena, for Kara, no matter what.
âWhatever happened in this apocalyptic future, youâve already taken steps to make sure that changes. Donât dwell in the bad, alright? Focus on the here and now, how much you love that little boy, and itâs all going to work out. I know it will.â
Lena hoped that was true. She knew she could be a little distant (a lesson learned from Lillian Luthor), that sometimes her love language was all about providing. Money was never an issue, for example, and she was notorious for using it as a crutch to fix things for those she loved. And then in this future â she threw herself into work, striving to make the existing world better for her family, which also involved not being there for them the way she should have.
She wanted to be present. She wanted to be there, for all of them â the work didnât matter without them.
âItâs because I spoil her rotten and then give her back without facing the consequences of my actions,â Lena blurted out with a laugh in reference to Esme, taking one of Alexâs hands to kiss. It was innocent, intentionally platonic. That was all they could be. She was at peace with that, even if they were robbed of the choice of making that decision for themselves. âNo matter what happens, youâll still be a part of him. As if that child will be raised without you in mind.â
That was what finally let the tears fall. Just a few, accompanied by a mildly annoyed huff. This conversation had been leading to this the whole time; it was unavoidable. Sheâd done well with setting most of the Lena feeling aside since she and Esme had been here, focusing instead on Kara, the four of them as a portion of their at-home family unit, and Catra in separate cycles. Now that Lena had her full attention, that was all crashing and burning.
âThatâs what aunts are for,â she insisted. âIâll do the same for the two of you, in any world weâre together. I wish I could for Theo. I would take being Aunt Alex instead of Mom if I stayed.â
She didnât think she would stay, though. There was no science behind Vallo, that was a fact Alex had been forced to come to terms with long ago. It was all feelings, all whims. And her gut feeling was that she and Esme werenât in this for the long haul. It was best that way; people had adjusted to extreme circumstances around here, life without loved ones, but she didnât want her daughter to be one of them. Even by herself, she knew she wouldnât be entirely happy here. Sheâd have Kara again, but sheâd be without Esme.
âIâm just not meant for Vallo,â she sighed, thumbs tracing down the curves of Lenaâs face. âI love you, and I donât regret a second of our time here together. But I donât think Iâll ever feel right here.â
Lena sniffed. There was a pause there, like she was working on swallowing that pill of truth â that while they had something good, and while there werenât any regrets, Alex didnât belong here. She didnât want to be here. Her wants and comforts went beyond her and Kara, and that was fair.
A little sad, but entirely fair. If Vallo couldnât be home for her, then she hoped Vallo would take her back to what she did consider her home â away from them but also back to them, the memories of their times here lost to her. They had only existed together here, after all.
It was her turn to help Alex dry her cheeks, her own thumbs sweeping across her skin gently. âWe plan on selfishly making most of the time youâre with us,â she vowed. âBut whatâs in the works for you back home, hmm? I need something to picture when youâre gone.â
This was the right moment â another gut feeling. Alex had been avoiding this conversation since sheâd turned up in the penthouse again. It was odd to think that sheâd have to reveal her broken relationship status to two of the most important people in her life for the second time. Back home, they knew. Kara had been the first person she told, knocking on Lenaâs apartment door to come in and cry on their shoulders because she felt like sheâd failed. Sheâd hurt someone she truly loved, sheâd broken up the family sheâd wanted so badly and just gotten â and Kara and Lena had been the ones to comfort her.
âNothingâs changed with the Super Friends,â she began. âI helped Barry and the Central City gang out during a crisis not too long ago. But the restâŠâ She pulled gently away, straightening up and trying to gather herself again. Her foot still rested on one of the rods of Lenaâs stool, staying close to her. âKelly and I split up. So, Iâm not sure right now.â
Lena was â surprised, sort of, but she really shouldnât be. Kelly had been a topic of discussion between them before. Thereâd been a lot to sort out there for Alex before they chose to embark on a relationship together, because she was with Kelly. And she might have been aware that they werenât long-term here, but theyâd gotten married back home. They adopted a child together. It may have taken a little while longer once the high of a wedding came down, but this was a good thing.
The best thing for the sake of the family they made. Esme hadnât stopped talking about how Kelly was still her mom, and that made them all a family even if the relationship was over.
âEndless possibilities for you, then,â she smiled at her, morosely but full of hope. âIâm glad you came to that realization and did the right thing. Are you â relieved?â
âI feel like if I say yes, it makes me sound callous,â Alex replied with a rueful smile. It felt rude to Kelly, dismissive of her in a way Alex didnât like. But she couldnât deny that it felt like this weight on her chest had been lifted. So, maybe she was relieved, whether she wanted to say it or not.
The separation process had been smooth, and Kelly had told her sheâd expected it, that after the high of the honeymoon phase had dwindled, Alex had always seemed a little preoccupied. Troubled. Sheâd hoped her fears and second thoughts might escape her wifeâs notice, but Kelly was too perceptive for that. She knew her so well that even Alexâs best undercover training had failed to mask her uncertainties.
It had all ended in that one conversation.
The technicalities took more conversations, of course, many more. The day-to-day of their lives and their continued sharing of their daughter meant some relationship between them would always exist. And Alex wanted that. Just because she wasnât passionately in love with Kelly â and she wished she was, had tried so hard to be â didnât mean she didnât love her. It didnât mean she wasnât important. It didnât mean she wanted her out of her life
Now, she just had to figure out what she did want.
âI guess I get to see whatâs out there now,â she went on, a small smile curling her lips. âBut I think staying single for a while will be good for me.â She wasnât going to go more in-depth on her feelings about how sheâd ended up with Kelly; Lena had heard it all before, in both lives they were living.
âWell, you wonât be alone. Iâm sure Kara and I are very much in your orbit. Probably too much in your orbit.â Alex was her family, too. She didnât ask about any details involving her and Kara (she could make assumptions after their night together after Alexâs wedding), but theyâd all been through too much together for Lena to be far. âMotherhood will surely keep you busy. And thereâs also, of course, the whole doing the right thing as heroes happening, Iâm sure.â
Not that she wanted to discourage Alex from pursuing someone else in the future, but she also supported having time for herself to re-calibrate. Engagement, adoption, marriage, divorce, co-parenting - those were a lot of changes to endure. âWhatever happens, whatever you do, I just want you to be happy. And I hope Iâll be able to see it.â
âI wouldnât have it any other way,â Alex replied with a soft smile. She reached for Lenaâs hand again and linked their fingers together. âYou two are my favorite people, in any world. I know youâll never leave me alone, and I wouldnât want you to. Even at my worst, I know youâll both have my back.â
That was true of all the Super Friends, and of course Jâonn ranked in the dad tier at this point. She knew she would always have them to fall back on. Hell, she knew Kelly would be there for her, even if the romantic aspect of their relationship hadnât panned out. Alex would never be alone, and she wasnât fearful of that. If she never fell in love again, she would still have family and friends she loved fiercely, and that would be more than enough.
âAlright, weâve got to cheer up now,â she chuckled, taking a breath and wiping the stray tear stains off her cheek with her free hand. âIf you donât want to work, letâs go out and do something, yeah?â
Lena agreed. They definitely should go out and do something, not stay in her lab. Alex could snoop around and see what she was working on later. They needed something light and easy, likeâ
âLetâs go skating,â she offered, giving her fingers a squeeze before standing up. âBeen a bit rusty since my hockey days, you know?â Goodness, that felt like a lifetime ago. Lena Luthor doing hockey. Must be a midlife crisis, but it was fun. âAnd that place we went to before is still open.â
âGod, I almost forgot about that,â Alex laughed. Armed with the reminder, she could still picture it; Lena Luthor was the last person sheâd have expected to see aggressively skidding across an ice rink wielding a hockey stick, but sheâd nailed it. Alex could remember thrumming with pride â thatâs my girl.
She followed Lena to her feet, casting another glance around the lab before she focused back on her friend. âLetâs go skating,â she echoed. âIâm ready.â