freya. (vanirgoddess) wrote in valloic, @ 2023-01-10 11:29:00 |
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Entry tags: | !: action/thread/log, god of war: atreus, ₴ inactive: freya |
LOG: Atreus & Freya
At least until she woke up with years worth of memories that hadn't been there when she'd fallen asleep.
And while it was… a lot, it was also the most at peace Freya had felt in, well, a hundred odd years, as the day wore on and it all started to settle in. Even with the lingering loss of her brother heavy on her mind.
The same however could not really be said for her and Chaurli. Though Freya didn't blame the creature in the less than glamorous kicking out in the morning. She'd stuck close though, tending to her garden and offering her apologies.
She was currently kneeled in front of a patch of herbs, lost in pulling what was ready when the sound of footsteps caught her attention. It was the lightness of them that determined who it was and she smiled softly to herself.
"I was wondering if I might see you today," she said. She had wondered, after all, if the other two had gotten the same memories from home as she had.
“Hi, sorry. I should have called first?” It was mostly a joke, since they didn’t really do that, but Atreus did at least like to give Freya some kind of warning before just stopping by. Even before Atreus got the whole host of new memories, he’d felt better about his relationship with Freya. Freya and Kratos… not quite as much.
Now? He was hopeful. They’d all come so far, and hashed things out enough that it made him a little worried he was going to step into Freya’s grove and she wouldn’t remember everything he did.
But he pushed through and and edged up to Chaurli’s leg to pat it soothingly. “Hey, bud. How are you feeling?” Apparently well enough to murmur a fond greeting to Atreus, but annoyed enough that Atreus could feel it. He looked over at Freya, questioning. “Did you two uh-- talk?”
Freya stood, herbs in hand and watched Atreus approach Chaurli, a soft smile as Chaurli reciprocated the warm greeting. She was not surprise to see the coldness didn't extend to Atreus.
"A little," she answered as she moved to a small table set up near Chaurli and set the herbs down.
"He's not the biggest fan of me right now though," she added as she started to chop. A pause as she glanced to Chaurli, a regretful expression on her face. There was guilt for many things she had done in her blind rage of grief, abandoning Chaurli high among them.
"Not that I much blame him for it," she said and looked to Atreus. There was no excuse there. As lost as she was, Chaurli hadn't deserved to be hurt.
“I don’t either.” He was firm on that, but not mean or angry. This was their disagreement to work through, and Atreus knew Freya would make it right. He’d made his own mistakes and had to learn how to work through them, and even though she was a goddess with a lot of years under her belt, he had faith that she’d figure out how to make it up to Chaurli.
But he hadn’t really brought him up to Freya, since everything went a little chaotic and Atreus had been sore enough from being yelled at by everyone that it fell to the wayside. “When I ran away from home, I came here, to the grove, because it was the first safe place I thought of. I found him, lit a fire, talked to him and spent a little time there.”
Atreus settled himself onto the grass next to Chaurli’s foot. “I was pretty mad at you then, for letting it get this bad. I’ve had time to think about it now and it’s not my place to forgive you, it’s his, but I understand you getting consumed by your grief a little better now.”
There was a warmth at hearing Atreus had still viewed her home as a safe place, even with all the awfulness that had been between them for so long. "I'm sure he was happy to see you," she replied. There was a pang of that familiar guilt as she wondered if the visit had all but saved Chauli. It had been so cold and she had left for so long.
Freya moved to sit beside Atreus, her legs out long and hooked at the ankles. She gave Atreus' shoulder a little bump and smiled softly. "For what it's worth, I'm alright with you still being a little mad at me for this," she said. "I'm mad at myself." For Chaurli, for a lot of things. And damn if that wasn't a terrifying thought. That no longer being mad at Kratos, at Odin (well, no, she would always be mad at Odin but it was just different now that he was gone), there was only herself left to be mad at. And gods knew she had many things to be mad at herself for.
"I still am, Atreus," she said after a moment, gaze settled over the garden. "That grief? It will always be there, always be a part of me," a short pause. She would never truly be over the loss of Baldur, how could she be. How could any parent ever be over the loss of their child. "But I am glad to be feeling more myself now." She turned her gaze to Atreus. "Thank you - for not giving up on me."
Atreus wasted no time bumping right back. He was glad they were better, so the next step was for her to focus on Chaurli. “I’ll stay a little mad, just for him.” It occured to him a little late that he was surrounded by those that had lost people closest to them and the grief had overcome things. HIs father had dealt with it back in his homeland, Freya, now Sindri. Atreus had somehow ended up in the middle of it all.
And he knew that if it had been him losing his father, he might’ve fallen down the exact same path. The choices he would have made if that had happened could have been catastrophic, especially when he’d held the mask of knowledge in the palm of his hands, fully formed, ready and waiting.
“I’m sorry. I’ll always be sorry it went the way it did, but not that we still have you with us.” Choosing peace over non-violence didn’t work often, it seemed, but it felt good when that choice was there. “I’ll always stick by you. Thanks for joining us and sticking it out. I know it wasn’t the easiest road we took.”
"I'm sure he'll appreciate that," she said with a small smile. She was sure too that Chaurli would come around when it came to her, it would just take a little bit of time. Which was fine, she could be patient.
"I know you are," she assured Atreus. There was nothing about the situation that had been easy, there had been no good choice. For any of them. Freya knew she would always be angry about her son, how could she not, but it was no longer a blind rage directed at Kratos.
"And I'm proud of you," she added. "There's not many who would have walked away from knowing everything like you did. Who would have destroyed that mask." She settled a hand on Atreus' shoulder for a moment before letting it fall back to her lap. "Watching you choose the path you did, with Odin, was why I chose mine." It would have been so easy to destroy the marble, to destroy Odin the way he had destroyed her, but she chose not to.
Atreus’ cheeks turned a little pink at her praise. He’d always blossomed into that, the kind of gentle reassurance he was doing a good job from someone who’s opinion mattered to him. It was the same way with his father. But destroying the mask probably didn’t deserve praise, though it was the right thing to do. He hoped that others would have done the same.
“Lance told me that answers aren’t worth it if you can’t live with how you got them and that’s pretty much how I feel about it?” He gave a half-hearted little shrug. “I wouldn’t have been able to live with myself if I’d ended up like him, and I knew that I could get answers another way, one that wouldn’t-- mess me up. I have people I love and trust to help me, too.” Even if a lot of it he had to do on his own, he knew that his time would come for others.
And they’d be there waiting for him. “I’m proud of you too, though I don’t think either of us would have blamed you for that choice. I don’t blame Sindri.”
"That's a good way of looking at it," Freya said with a nod. "That friend of yours is a smart boy," was added with a teasing smile. She'd never blame Atreus for the little bend in the truth, not back then at least. She hadn't exactly given him or Kratos many reasons to trust her.
"And there's some fun in not having all the answers," she pointed out. Kept life interesting. Which, when your life was long, you needed.
"Don't be too proud," she said with a huff. "There was a part of me that kind of liked the idea of Odin being locked away for eternity with no one but himself, a fitting punishment indeed," of course there had been other factors at play, but she'd be a liar to say that never crossed her mind either.
Sindri though, her lips pressed together, regret and sadness crossing her features. "He came, when we said goodbye to Brok. Briefly." A pause. "He'll come around, Atreus, eventually." She had after all.
It hurt his heart to know that there had been a sending-off after he’d left, but that was the choice he’d made when he had gone on his own path. Atreus wasn’t certain he would’ve been welcome anyway. By Ludna and Durlin? Sure. But Sindri? Probably not. His words to Atreus at the wall in Asgard still rang through his ears. This changes nothing.
That voice would stay with him for a long time. Atreus had foolishly hoped with that youthful optimism that Sindri would feel better about it after Odin was taken care of, but now-- he wasn’t sure. “I don’t know if that’s true, but I appreciate you saying it anyway.” He reached over to squeeze her arm. “I’m sorry about Freyr, too.”
"I did," she pointed out softly and laid her hand on Atreus' on her arm. There was a guilt there of course, one that she was sure maybe always would be. A question if she was betraying her son somehow, but Freya was tired. Tired of the anger, tired of trying to hurt others because she had so much festering away inside of her. This was so much better.
There was a sad smile at the mention of her brother. "I know," she said. It was hard not to fall into the thinking of it wasn't fair. They had just found each other again and then he was gone. "I'm glad we got to find our peace with each other though, and I'm glad you got to meet him," she added. At least that was one regret she didn't have to live with, not making peace with her brother before he left them.
Atreus let his head drop to rest on her shoulder, in both a bold and tentative move because here in Vallo this would have been a big no only the day or two before. But they’d all been through so much together back home recently and he knew he liked the added comfort.
“I’m glad I did too.” Freyr had been fun, and had joined them with little hesitation once Vanaheim was safer, it was more than Atreus could say for a lot of people. But then there was that creepy guilt that Atreus had somehow made it out when Freyr hadn’t.
He closed his eyes. “I could sleep for the next month. Hibernate, maybe. I can’t actually, but gods is it tempting to try.” He knew Lance would be down for cuddling that long, at least.
Perhaps there was something to be said about wasted time - because like Atreus, Freya enjoyed the comfort of the small touch. She had spent so long so isolated and alone, she'd almost forgotten the warmth other people could bring. Freya's hand lifted to press lightly against the side of Atreus' head, a soft brush of fingers against his hair line.
She laughed softly at the hibernation comment. It had been an exhausting few months there at the end. Full of worry and anxiety, fighting. And then having all that shoved into their heads overnight? Well, she wouldn't doubt a bone deep exhaustion had settled into Atreus.
"I doubt anyone would deny you a few days at least of taking it easy," she assured him. "You more than earned it." Even if technically none of what had happened had happened in Vallo. And if Atreus felt like leaning into that right then and there, well, she'd be more than content to sit in the quiet and let him sleep for a while.