The night before had been fun, all things considered. Lance had managed to convince him to go out with him to this new club opening and while that wouldn’t normally be a thing Keith participated in, he was still feeling a little soft over Lance and all that stuff he was coming to terms with - being stuck in an alternate universe, being displaced away from his family with no way to contact them, and losing the purpose that had been fueling them. All things that Keith himself felt. So he let himself be pulled away to a night of socializing, even if the only person Keith had truly socialized with was Lance.
And Shiro.
Groaning, he put his face in one hand. “Idiot,” he quietly hissed to himself, remembering the texts he had sent last night. A part of him was wishing the ground would open up and swallow him, but the other part was telling him to quit being such a coward. It was becoming really clear what he wanted. Or, more accurately, who he wanted. And all he needed to do now was tell Shiro that and they could figure it out from there. Because he had determined that this wasn’t a hormones thing. He has tried dancing with a random hot stranger last night at the club and all he had felt was awkwardness and a deep desire to be back at their apartment, curled up with Kosmo and Shiro on the couch watching a dumb movie.
Then, to make sure it wasn’t a fluke or just bad chemistry, he had gotten on a dating app that morning and tried out a coffee date with another hot stranger and that had gone as well as the night before had. He simply did not feel anything for other people, not romantically or sexually. So maybe he was onto something with the demi thing.
But instead of finding Shiro and apologizing for the texts and admitting to what was going on inside his head and his heart, he found his way to the Castle of Lions. He needed to center himself, before he spit a bunch of words at Shiro. Patience yields focus. And he needed all the focus on this that he could get. And Black...it felt like if he went to Black, it might help get whatever was going on in his mind in order.
It had been over a month now that Keith had not been back in the cockpit of Black. His relationship with the Black Lion of Voltron was complicated, it always had been, but he hadn’t ever stayed away like this, not on purpose, before. Until now though, it had felt awkward to visit because it felt like it would be like trying to lay a claim that wouldn’t be welcomed or fair. But it wasn’t his intention to do that. Today, he just wanted something familiar to help ground him back into reality, before he flipped his world upside down on purpose
Besides, seeing Black? It was long overdue.
Accessing the bridge, then the elevator that brought him down to Black’s hanger bay, Keith had been feeling nerves up until this moment. But the second he laid eyes on the head Lion of Voltron, the stress and the tension he had been feeling over seeing Black for the first time in a world where Shiro was its Paladin, melted away. He had been feeling all kinds of things, chief among them feeling he was unwanted, but when he got there, he knew that it wasn't true.
“Hey there,” he said into the quiet hanger, running a hand through his hair and looking up at Black. The Lion could look imposing to anyone else, but after all the trials and tribulations they had gone through over the last few years of Keith’s life, it felt like looking at home. Just like it did when he looked at Krolia or Shiro or any member of the Voltron team. “Sorry it took so long for me to come see you,” he added, as he stepped closer. There was a moment’s hesitation before he got close enough for Black’s barrier shield to go up to prevent access, but he powered through it and was relieved to find the barrier stayed powered down.
Black still trusted him enough to let him come near. That was good.
It almost felt like that first time, on that dead moon, when Shiro had been hurt and was being hunted by those giant purple reptiles and Keith had no choice but to ask Black for help. Piloting Black for the first time had been...an experience and he repeated the first words he had said to Black then, now. “I know I’m not Shiro,” he started, the words familiar as he put a hand on Black’s leg. “But I’m glad you still trust me. I was hoping you’d be okay with me hanging out here for a while? And to talk about some things that have been on my mind?” He looked up, neck craned, but the lion didn’t stir. Yet, its familiar presence felt like a warm blanket and Keith carried on. “I’ll take your silence as a yes.”
So he settled down at the base of Black’s leg and started to talk. “So I'm struggling to find my place here and when I found out that you made Shiro your Paladin, that threw me for a bit. It's no one's fault, it's this weird universe hopping, time jumping business we keep getting into. But I've made some friends and that's helped. I think I want to try going to university? It's strange, not having to save the world, because it's given me a lot to think over and opportunities I didn't think I would ever get." Biting his lip, he added, "I like Shiro and I think I might have always liked him..." He trailed off and then picked up with a more firm, a more convinced tone. "I'm going to tell him soon and see what happens."
Straining his head to look up to where Black's head was, he said, "That isn't going to backfire, right? You'd tell me if it would?" Silence. Keith sighed. "Yeah, I didn't think it would be that easy. But new universe, new chances. Let's see where it takes us. But hey! Lance is here now? He'll probably be by to see you soon..." And the next several hours were spent updating Black on everything that Keith had experienced over the last month.
It might have been daytime when Keith had arrived at the Castle of Lions, but by the time he was done talking, throat hoarse from all the words, and eyes tired because of the late hour, it was nearly midnight when he left. But as tired as he might have felt, he felt a lot better than he had earlier, mind unburdened by traitorous thoughts of not being good enough to pilot this lion and clarity given to the situation with Shiro. Black might not have spoken back, but just getting everything out in the open had helped Keith see how much he had been overthinking things.
And now, it was time to be brave. But probably in the morning because he really wanted to go to bed now.