Rosalind Walker (weirdseer) wrote in valloic, @ 2021-07-01 12:25:00 |
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Entry tags: | !: action/thread/log, ₴ inactive: rosalind walker, ₴ inactive: sabrina spellman |
Sabrina wouldn’t quite call it good nor was it anywhere close to what life had been like for her pre-“knowing the truth”, but she’d felt emotions besides anger and despair since Nick and her had moved into the apartment. She’d felt like she could finally breathe again, like moving forward was something that could actually happen.
She’d managed to go to the coven meetup, to do some things at the solstice celebrations, and even been on the network again. Her audition for the musical was later that day and tomorrow was the opening of Dorian’s, plus there was going to be a family dinner sometime soon. So many things to look forward to and enjoy.
And yet, she was on the floor in the bathroom with her hands pressed to her ears and struggling to find her breath.
Sabrina didn’t know what had happened. One minute she’d been brushing her teeth and the next it had fallen out of her hand, bouncing against the porcelain sink as she realized the shirt she was wearing was the same yellow and black pattern that her twin had been wearing when she’d died. She’d tried pulling it off, crying in frustration as it snagged, twisting around her for a moment before she managed to throw it to the floor.
“It’s my body, it’s my body,” she kept murmuring to herself as she sank down onto the floor, hands pressed to her ears as she worked to catch her breath.
Salem meowed and Sabrina shook her head even as the panic wrapped tighter around her, making her body shake. Not Nick. He had the opening to worry about. She didn’t want him worrying about her right then. Salem let out another annoyed meow before teleporting away, intent on getting someone.
School was officially out, but Roz still spent most of her days focusing on practicing magic, or developing her ability to See. There was so much to read in the Sanctum, which she officially called home, that it was easy to lose herself for hours in the library when she wasn’t actually tending to it. She’d taken part in the Solstice, hanging out with Prigany, the new Brorose coven, and leading some activities for kids. All in all, she was just attempting to fill her time with productive activities. This was her first summer away from Theo and Harvey as well, and she was missing them more now that she had less to focus on during the day.
Now that school was out, Dr. Strange had pushed her toward therapy as well. Quite literally. He’d opened a portal and sent it right over Roz, dropping her into a clinic. She had agreed to try it, but she’d been hesitant about actually going. He’d swiftly taken care of that. She had only had a couple of sessions, so she was withholding judgement and try to keep an open mind while she attempted to get on with life. Therapy was how she had started her day, which had been followed by an audition.
Roz was also auditioning for the musical, and that was exactly where Salem found her. How he found her, she wasn’t sure, but she stopped questioning those things about familiars. She was stepping out into the street after completing her audition when she heard him. Not a normal meow, but one that demanded attention. There was something up with Sabrina and Roz had to go with him immediately.
There were a few people giving them strange looks on the street, a cat meowing at a person and the person apparently listening. They were left wondering, because Roz followed after Salem without question, teleporting to Sabrina and Nick’s apartment. When she arrived, Salem was already there, and she followed him into the bathroom, where she found Sabrina on the floor, hands over ears and practically curling in on herself.
Roz dropped her bag to the floor and then followed suit, kneeling in front of Sabrina so she would notice someone was there if she hadn’t already. “Sabrina.” she said clearly, cautiously reaching out to gently touch Sabrina’s shoulder. Roz didn’t know what was happening, or what had caused this. For all she knew. Sabrina would not be touched. “Hey, I’m here.”
Sabrina hadn’t been sure if Salem would listen to her or openly defy her. It was always a toss up with him, the two of them more alike than she liked to think about. His disappearance and the worry that he would get Nick had caused Sabrina to try and force herself out of the attack she’d found herself experiencing. That only seemed to cause it to double, her breathing becoming more erratic.
She felt out of place in her own skin. No amount of reminding herself that she’d arrived in Vallo in her own body, well before any time paradox had been created, was helping. Her body seemed to be convinced that it wasn’t its own, that somehow she’d switched. She’d died in the wrong one, her own frozen in space. Except they had retrieved it, hadn’t they? She was pretty sure she’d heard that. Which was how both her and Sabrina Morningstar were buried in the mortuary’s plot.
Except there were no tombstones of them in Vallo.
She was alive.
Sabrina Morningstar was not.
She flinched as soon as she was touched, not wanting that to happen when she wasn’t sure if she was where she should be. Would she ever feel at home in her own skin anymore?
She heard Roz’s voice; at least Salem seemed to have listened.
“Is my headband black?” Did that even matter though? She’d taken to wearing the black one after they had transfered her. Was there any way for her to be sure? “Tell me it's black.”
The second Sabrina flinched, Roz drew her hand away immediately, keeping it to herself, but made sure she remained on Sabrina’s level. Close, but not touching her. It took her a second to understand Sabrina’s question. Her headband was always black. But one memory came to mind. Roz hadn’t realized it at the time, but it had been Sabrina Morningstar who had played with the Fright Club that one practice, singing Total Eclipse of the Heart. Her headband had been red. Sabrina Spellman always wore black.
“Your headband is black.” Roz confirmed firmly. “You’re Sabrina Spellman, you always wear a black headband, and the one you’re wearing now is definitely black.” You’re alive. Roz could not imagine what it had been like to overlap with yourself in time, and start to live as two Sabrinas, or the bond they had connected. She couldn’t imagine what it was like to have the other you die in your arms, or to end up in her body when your own was in space. She couldn’t imagine any of it, though she knew it had happened.
More than anything she wished she could hug her best friend, but that wasn’t what she needed. Of course she had no way of knowing if Sabrina’s memories came with physical updates, and that probably wasn’t something Roz wanted to See. She had no way of knowing if this Sabrina was in a transferred body. Sabrina was still Sabrina in Roz’s eyes. She mourned for the loss of one, but this was the Sabrina that had continued to be in her life.
Roz was not trained in how to manage panic attacks, but she was getting worried about Sabrina’s breathing. When this was over, she was going to learn. Just in case. “You need to slow your breathing.” She needed to focus on something else. “Tell me about your apartment?” she suggested. “You guys are picking out new furniture and stuff to decorate. Have you made any new choices?”
“I think we’re going with a green scheme in the living room.” That’s what she’d been buying for them at least. Some green and blacks and greys. Anything that wasn’t stark white because that reminded her and Nick too much of wherever they had ended up. Not that Sabrina had ever really been one to favor white anyway. Colors had always been a staple of her decor and clothing.
Her hair band had been white there. Everything had been white except for the paintings that she still didn’t understand. Sabrina Morningstar hadn’t been there though and Sabrina couldn’t understand why that was the case. She’d died, sacrificing herself in her own way. Shouldn’t they have ended up in the same place? Where was she? Had they somehow merged into one another again on her death? Would she ever know?
She didn’t have any of the other Sabrina’s memories though and she was grateful for that, not sure she could stomach the ones she’d have gotten once they diverged from one another. Especially not of whatever had taken place in Hell.
“We’re still figuring out our room and the spare one.” She didn’t know the colors they wanted there yet. “Maybe purple. Or red. I don’t know.” It helped though to have something to focus on, to be able to try and think of something else--something linked only to Vallo. “He’s letting me pick what I want most of the time.”
Green scheme. Right, she could work with that. “Did you manage to find nice green furniture?” Because that couldn’t have been easy to do. At least not nice furniture, something that would be both eye catching, represent Sabrina and Nick, and not be an eyesore. But if they picked the right pieces she could see it being very Sabrina.
She was somewhat familiar with colors, and what they evoked. But only somewhat, so she was going to have to do some guessing here. “One should definitely be purple.” she agreed. Red was power, but red was also angry, and also sometimes violent. Purple seemed much more peaceful. “Purple seems...calmer, than red.” They could all use a little more calm in their life, or something like that, right?
Nick letting Sabrina pick what she wanted wasn’t that surprising. She wasn’t even that sure Nick knew anything about decorating. “He knows you have good taste. But I hope he’s at least offering some input.” she attempted to say it lightly, not cracking a joke, but trying to keep the conversation light.
Roz was carefully watching Sabrina’s breathing, hoping it would slow, become more even and deeper. If it didn’t, she’d change her tactics and react. How she wasn’t sure yet. But whatever it took to help her out.
It helped to focus on something else, to draw her away from the worry that had bubbled up so quickly inside of her. Sabrina allowed Salem to come over to her, picking him up as she leaned back against the bathroom wall. He purred, pressing his face against her neck to add his own method of helping her center herself.
Her breathing was evening out, becoming something more like normal with the occasional hiccup coming out. Far better than she had been though. “He tells me when he really likes something or doesn’t want something and when he’s good with whichever.”
She’d sent him so many photos in the last few weeks while he was busy with getting the club ready. Other times he’d been with her while she’d gone through various shops. Big pieces they liked to pick out in person together. It was the little touches that Sabrina had tried occupying her time with. Though maybe Roz was right about the colors. She was going to cross red off her list of potential color schemes.
“I got him a surprise though. I think Noah will have it finished in a few days so I can show Nick.”
She could feel her own tension she was carrying in her body relax just a little as Sabrina started to breathe more normally, but she still kept herself very alert, watching for any change. Thankfully Salem was also being helpful, providing something for Sabrina to pick up and cuddle. At least that was a touch she was okay with. That was a good sign. Hopefully.
Roz tilted her head and arched an eyebrow in genuine curiosity. “Well you can’t say that and not tell me what it is.” she said with a small smile. “What’s the surprise?” She was trying to think of what it was that Noah could make that would be a surprise for Nick. She didn’t really know Noah though, so she was mostly drawing a blank.
Shifting her weight, Roz sat down on the floor, back against the open door to make herself more comfortable as they talked. Did making herself look at ease help the other person feel at ease too? It couldn’t hurt to try.
“Please tell me it’s something really funny.”
“Nothing silly. I just got Noah to design some glittery lights for the living room.” Sabrina didn’t understand Nick’s love of glitter at all but she wanted to give him something that she knew would be meaningful in their new place. Even if she was going to try and work on a spell to get rid of the stuff whenever it did get everywhere. She thought Nick would like it.
The soft trembling that she’d still been doing had ceased as well, tension leaking out of Sabrina as she shifted so that Salem was curled up in her lap. She ran her fingers through his fur, still wanting to keep him close, but not needing his purring against her chest any longer. If it had been last year, Sabrina would have felt ridiculous having Roz in the bathroom with her, annoyed at herself for freaking out like she did. But she knew grief was weird and that she couldn’t ever really figure out how exactly her body was going to respond to it.
“Thanks for coming over.”
“When you say glittery, you don’t mean the lights that look like glitter, or the lights with glitter in the bulbs, do you?” Or maybe she did, but that didn’t quite feel right. It wasn’t quite magic enough, there had to be some sort of magic in there to give it that extra something. She knew glitter ended up in Nick’s hair a lot, largely thanks to Claire, and it was definitely a look. But it made them both smile.
“Of course, Sabrina, you don’t have to thank me.” If Sabrina needed her help, of course she was going to come. “What are best friends for, right?” It was one of those things, if your friend needed you, you came, no thanks were needed. Roz was just glad she was able to be at least somewhat helpful, or so she hoped. Whatever it was that had brought all of this on, it was clear there was no simple solution to everything Sabrina was dealing with.
“I don’t know yet exactly. He’s still working on them.” Sabrina knew that whatever Noah managed to do would be a hit with Nick though. Or at least she really hoped that was the case with his apparent love of glitter. Claire would probably like them too. Maybe they’d end up in the spare room, but Sabrina was going to leave that decision up to Nick once she gave them to him.
It was what best friends were for and Sabrina knew she really had picked the best of them in Roz.
“I don’t...the opening of Dorian’s is tomorrow. I don’t want to tell Nick about this until after it.” He’d been working so hard on it and Sabrina knew he was proud of what he’d accomplished. She didn’t want to tarnish that with him worrying about her. “I’ll let him know on Saturday.” After the opening was over. There wasn’t anything he’d be able to do to help anyway. “Okay?”
“However they turn out, Nick’s going to love them. It’s glitter and it’s from you.” Once they were done and Nick got them, she was going to have to come see them for herself, she was really curious to see how these were going to turn out. Hopefully they didn’t end up making too much of a mess. Magic could probably fix that too, right?
She couldn’t tell Sabrina what was best for her, because she didn’t know that at all. If Nick knew something had caused Sabrina to have a panic attack, he would be more focused on Sabrina instead of the opening. Rightfully so. So Roz was absolutely going to be keeping a close eye on her tomorrow night. “Are you going to be okay with the opening?” She wasn’t trying to be patronizing, she legitimately had no idea what brought this attack on, and wanted to make sure that nothing was going to be too difficult tomorrow. “I won’t tell him though. I promise. But...if tomorrow ends up being a lot for whatever reason, promise you’ll tell me?”
Sabrina relaxed a little when Roz agreed not to let him know. She hated keeping things from him, but it would only be for a day or so and then she’d let him know. Would she be okay with the opening? She honestly had no idea but she would be going. She’d just work at pacing herself. Not being able to figure out exactly what would bring about a panic attack made it more difficult, but there wasn’t anything about Dorian’s that Sabrina associated with her other self, so she hoped it would be okay.
“I’ll tell you, I promise,” Sabrina assured. It would help to have Roz in her corner, even if she hoped she wouldn’t need to have her friend help her out while there. All she wanted was for Nick’s opening to go as smoothly as possible.
Roz felt a little less concerned when Sabrina promised to let her know if something went wrong at the opening. That was good. Roz would still be keeping an eye on her. Not in an obvious way. But she’d definitely be watching for any warning visions.
But that wasn’t for a little while yet. “Can I get you anything? A glass of water? Tea?” Anything really to help her relax a little. Roz would never be Hilda Spellman, but she had a basic idea of what might classify as a calming tea by listening to her. But she also didn’t want to overstep, or make Sabrina feel too crowded, so basically whatever her friend said she needed, Roz would take her word for it.
Sabrina shook her head. “I don’t think I’m up to stomaching anything yet.” Plus she’d been brushing her teeth. Anything besides water would probably taste disgusting and she didn’t really want that right then anyway.
“I’m very ready to be off this bathroom floor though.” It wasn’t exactly the comfiest place to sit.
“Maybe we could go chill on the couch in the living room for a couple of minutes together,” Sabrina suggested. She didn’t quite want to be alone yet but didn’t want to keep Roz from her plans either.
Roz took that as a sign to get to her feet, and then offered her hands to Sabrina to help pull her up to her feet. The couch sounded a lot more comfortable than the floor of the bathroom. “Absolutely. I don’t really have to be anywhere for a while.”
She had some work to do in the library today, but that wasn’t anything she needed to rush home for, she could do that whenever she got back. For now she was more than happy to hang out with Sabrina until she was feeling better. Truthfully, that would put Roz more at ease too.
Some more weight lifted from Sabrina’s shoulders as she stood, grateful that Roz could hang out for a bit. She stood up, carefully trying not to drop Salem who didn’t want to be put down. He could be extremely clingy when he wanted to be. Just hanging out with Roz for a while was exactly what she needed.