InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "I'm feeling fat and sassy!"

𝗹𝗲𝗻𝗮 𝗹𝘂𝘁𝗵𝗼𝗿 (villainized) wrote in valloic,
@ 2021-06-18 08:40:00

Entry tags:

!: action/thread/log, dc: lena luthor, ₴ inactive: alex danvers

WHO: Lena & Alex
WHAT: A bit of shared wallowing
WHERE: Lena's apartment at Morningside
WHEN: Backdated to Kara's disappearance
WARNINGS: Nah
STATUS: Complete

One of these days, Alex really needed to learn a coping mechanism better than drowning emotions (and her liver) in bourbon, beer, wine, and whatever other liquor was poured for her. But today wasn’t that day. Today, perhaps more than ever, she needed something that would let her turn everything off.

Foolishly, she had never expected to see Kara’s name come up on that disappearance list. She didn’t want to accept it. She hadn’t seen Kara that morning, sure — and that was especially disappointing giving the head full of new memories she’d woken up with. The first thing she’d done was scramble out of bed, run into Kara’s room, and find her gone. But her things were there, all her clothes in the closet, the bed was still unmade. Alex assumed she’d missed her leaving, collected herself, and got ready for the day. She could talk to her tonight.

But not two minutes after she’d gotten home for the day, Kara’s name was on the list, and another check of her room found everything gone. The bed was made, the closet empty, all her little knick knacks had vanished, and even her scent had been replaced with something clean and sterile. The room looked fresh, like Kara had never existed in it at all.

So, as usual, when she felt like she was about to break, her solution was drinking.

She and Lena had spent hours at Galahd with Richie carefully monitoring their alcohol intake. She appreciated him looking after them and she knew, after how recently he’d lost Enola, that he truly understood what she was going through. For Alex, losing Kara wasn’t just losing her family. It wasn’t just failing once again to take care of her sister and make sure she was safe. It was losing her lifeline, too. She loved Lena and Lois and Clark, and she’d even made friends here that she cared about and knew she could lean on. But it wasn’t the same — it couldn’t be.

It had looked like she was in for a very long night of sad drinking, but thankfully, having Catra and Adora coming around to keep them company had lightened the mood. There had been plenty of laughs, and though she was thoroughly trashed by the end of it, she wasn’t outright shitfaced. That was something. She and Lena even made it back to Morningside by Waypoint without any trouble.

“I can’t go back there right now.” Alex sighed, leaned against the wall outside of Lena’s front door, and stared forlornly down the hall at the door to the apartment she had shared with Kara. She couldn’t even think of walking in there right now and being confronted with the lack of her sister’s presence. “It’s like she was never even there. I don’t like it.”

Losing Kara was a blow to their morale.

They had only recently patched things up between them, and Lena had been trying to do more - to be better. To make up for the manipulation she’d done, the harm she caused under the delusion that she wasn’t anything like Lex. Kara had been more forgiving than she could have ever hoped for, and they fixed that broken tapestry of friendship and then, suddenly, gone.

It wasn’t as if she was above imbibing to cope, either. When life came at her with certain challenges there was always a glass of scotch in her hand, sometimes wine - anything to loosen up her muscles and give her that buzz that helped her truck on. Alex had practically become her drinking buddy. They socialized with alcohol plenty, either at her apartment or being out and about. They drank often. Too often, if she were honest.

Tonight wasn’t the time to make a change. Alex needed an outlet, and maybe physical activity (such as punching dummies) could be as productive but that wasn’t in the cards. Lena didn’t mind taking the trip out, and really it was entertaining. Being around others kept them occupied, kept them from flatout wallowing. The bartender had jokes, the younger couple they’d been out with bickering as if they were married for years. Alex laughed. That accounted for something.

Sadly, distractions were temporary.

“You don’t have to,” Lena replied quietly, fishing for her keys to insert. By the end of it she had leveled out - a bit tipsy at best. Tired at most. The makeup for the night had faded, and red that stained her lips faded into a dull pink. “I have a spare bedroom. You’re more than welcome to it.”

The door unlocked with a distinct click. Inside, her apartment existed in a perpetual state of tidiness - pristine, not even a hint of clutter. Admittedly, she started hiring someone to straighten up for her (now that she had money again) so it allowed more time to dedicate to work and research.

Alex hadn’t meant that as a hint, but there was no way she was passing up that offer. She knew, eventually, she would have to get over herself and face that apartment again, but if she could avoid it until morning, well, that would help. Now that she’d stopped imbibing, she was feeling a little more even-keeled, and any spiraling would only be worse there.

“Thanks,” she murmured, following Lena inside. “You still have some of my sweats, right?” She knew she’d given a couple pairs of sweatpants and some baggy t-shirts to Lena when she’d first gotten here and hadn’t had much to choose from. Now that she had her bank account back, though, she was sure her wardrobe had been properly replenished. Anything she’d handed over could be long gone by now.

Her sweats. Right. The ones she wore last night. Lena had money to spare for clothes that were more her style now but she wasn’t always schmoozy about her nightwear. “I do, actually,” she admitted after a moment and bit her bottom lip in an attempt to suppress what was a sheepish little smile. Or a coy one - could be both. “I wore them last night? Would that be a problem? I promise they’re not dirty but they probably smell a little like my perfume.”

If anything she had pajamas she could spare Alex, no worries. The keys were dropped off into a bowl by the door after she shut it. “Sit down and let me get you some water first - you know you need to hydrate a little more,” she reminded and went to the kitchen area for a bottle. The floorplan for these apartments were open - there was only a nook that drew the line between that and the living room. “I got the fancy Vallo water that’s been filtered through diamonds just to try it so please avoid judging me.”

Oh. That caused some weird, fluttery stirrings Alex wasn’t quite expecting. The last thing she’d expected was to hear that Lena had been wearing her clothes last night, but — well, hey, that was what they were for. She’d given them up, and if Lena was comfortable in them, that was a good thing. She and Kara shared clothes all the time; this didn’t have to be any different.

“Totally judging you,” she snorted, stepping inside and dropping down onto the couch. She lifted her feet to unbuckle her boots and pry them off. Diamond-filtered water, really? What was the point of that? As long as regular filtered water didn’t taste terrible, she couldn’t see the point in going that extra step. “But I expect nothing less from Ms. Moneybags.”

It was totally playful, teasing. Lena could do what she pleased. There were worse things to do with your money than filter your water through diamonds. “Does it taste any different?”

Lena made a visibly pouty face at that nickname. Yes, she was a bit spoiled - rich girl problems and all that. “Find out for yourself,” she retorted and tossed the bottle. “I did study it too, there are some healing components. Helps lower blood pressure and cholesterol, isn’t that fascinating? Full of electrolytes too, perfect for hangovers.”

And since she was also in dire need of proper hydration, she grabbed one for herself and twisted the top open for a neat sip. It tasted the way it felt - refreshing, crisp, like little crystals dancing on her tongue. Alex soon had company on the sofa, too. “So - sweats? I’ll get them for you in a bit, or you can borrow something of mine.”

Alex caught the bottle tossed to her and pursed her lips, one brow raised as she studied it. That did sound fascinating. All the better if it preempted the terrible hangover that she was sure to be smashed with by morning. She cracked open the top and took a slow sip, not wanting to tempt fate by drinking too much too quickly. Huh. It really did taste a bit different — crisper and sharper. Maybe that was what diamonds were supposed to taste like.

“Oh, right, yeah.” She’d gotten so distracted first by the idea of Lena in her clothes, recently, then the diamond water, that she’d forgotten to actually address the sweats question. She cleared her throat a bit and shrugged one shoulder. “Whatever you have is fine. I don’t care if you’ve just worn them. Unless you do? I wouldn’t want to steal away your favorite pajamas or anything,” she teased with a smirk.

Lena choked down a little laugh mid-sip, trying to swallow her next sip of water without some kind of embarrassing sputter. “They’re soft,” she retorted heatlessly, rolling her eyes and shoving at her playfully. The cap of her water bottle was screwed back on and she dumped it on Alex’s lap. Granting her the responsibility of drink holder, she should really feel blessed. “And they’re relatively clean, just gently used with no suspicious stains. Let me get them real quick.”

She rose to retreat down the hall, into the master bedroom for them. ‘Real quick’ also developed into changing out of the clothes she’d worn - a simple black dress that was right between casual and cocktail - and emerged sporting a pajama set that was buttoned up with the top and bottom matching. Yes, she was one of those.

“Here -” she piped up, standing behind the couch to unceremoniously dump the clothes onto Alex’s head. “I guess this means you can take them back but it never hurts to have back up for the next time I drag you to my place half-drunk.”

Alex already knew real quick was rarely a true measure of time when it came to Lena. She shot her a playful glare and stuck her water bottle between her knees while she disappeared. She took another couple of sips from her own, then tipped her head back and closed her eyes while she waited. It wouldn’t have taken much for her to drift off to sleep. She was still tipsy enough that her mind was mostly quiet.

The last thing she’d expected upon Lena’s re-entrance was for her clothes to be dumped right onto her head. Her head whipped back up, and she pulled the clothes down. She caught a whiff of that perfume, though, and it was nice. Her heart may have stuttered a bit, but she dismissed it. She was surprised, that’s all.

“You can keep them, Lena, don’t worry.” She grinned at the other woman and shoved the sweats off to the side for the time being. Moving wasn’t a task she was ready for just yet. Maybe after she’d polished off this water bottle and felt a bit more herself. “You gonna come sit or are you abandoning me already?”

Oh, shush. Lena was being playful. A little something to distract from the gaping hole that was settling in on their reality - Kara’s absence. The bar had been a nice distraction. Alex’s drinking habits were becoming a worrisome blip on her radar (not that she had much room to talk) but she’d fight that battle some other night.

Tonight, she’d follow her request to sit.

She sank back into the couch, a long and weighted sigh exhaled from her lungs. Her legs were tucked half-beneath her, and she didn’t seem to hesitate to lean into Alex. She had done this a lot with Kara - it seemed natural to do it with her, too. “I’ve got no plans on abandoning you,” she replied with a tired smile, albeit brief.

It became a frown quickly after. “You know tomorrow is going to feel worse,” Lena quietly continued. “Not because of the drinking, but - reality might sink in more.” A realization that it wasn’t a dream, or a Vallo glitch - Kara was gone. Back home, presumably, so that was at least something.

Alex wouldn’t have asked for it, but she was glad when Lena leaned against her. She reciprocated, lifting her arm to wrap around her shoulders and pull her a little closer. They were close, maybe more so in Vallo than back home, but getting cuddly had never really been their thing. But they’d both had plenty of practice with Kara, and being close like this made it easier to deal with her being gone.

But Lena had a point. Right now, she could almost pretend Kara was still here, that she’d go down the hall after hanging out with Lena and find her up watching The Wizard of Oz or something. Tomorrow, when she went back to get dressed and go about her day, there would be no denying it. They were stuck in this weird alternate universe together, and their anchor was gone. She had made it all those months without either of them, and now that they were here, she was gone.

Was Vallo ever going to make any sense?

“I woke up with memories from home today,” she said quietly, lifting her water bottle to take another drink. “Kara…she was gone at home, too. Sucked into the Phantom Zone. And we had just gotten her back.” She could close her eyes and remember squeezing her sister tight, overwhelmed with relief to have her back again, safe and all in one piece. “And now she’s gone again. And I can’t change that here.”

What?

Lena blinked rapidly, straightening to give Alex a bewildered look because - what? This was the first time she was hearing about this. Obviously Kara’s disappearance took precedence, but this was the icing on top of - and she didn’t mean to be crude - shitcake of their day. “What are you - what happened?”

There was this sinking feeling in her gut, like a blackhole was opening up and wanted to swallow her up into its abyss. Did Kara go back home just to end up in a maximum security Kryptonian prison full of things wanting to kill her?

“It couldn’t have been that difficult to get her back,” she quickly rattled on and shifted. As quickly as she’d been pulled under Alex’s arm she pulled herself out. “Calibrating the projector wouldn’t have been hard, not with Brainy. Was it -”

Was it Lex who did this is the question she wanted to ask, but the words died in her throat and she figured Alex could surmise what she meant.

On reflection, dropping something like that on Lena without clarifying any of the extenuating circumstances was unwise. Things hadn’t been great at home last they remembered, but they hadn’t been Kara’s-stuck-in-the-Phantom-Zone bad either. Talking about it so vaguely was obviously going to create concern. She needed to shake off some of the mind fog and focus.

“It’s a lot to explain,” she sighed, her free hand reaching out to clasp Lena’s hand and squeeze. She knew what she was trying to ask, though, so she could address that. Good starting point. “Yeah, it… It was Lex who sent her there. But we tracked her down, got her back, and - we’ll deal with him. We’ll figure it out.” They didn’t have a choice. Alex may have conflicting memories of Lex — the hero and the villain, from two different Earths — but she knew who the true Lex was now. He was no hero.

Was their homeworld perfect? No, definitely not. Especially not with Lex back in the picture. But they could deal with it. They were all together back there, and there was nothing they couldn’t handle together. Kara would be fine now that she was back on Earth. With her dad, too — which was another surprise. So much for losing both her parents in Krypton’s demise.

Of course it was Lex. Of course. Lena wasn’t in any position to give him the benefit of the doubt anymore. Clearly that had done her (and everyone around her) irreversible harm. Death hadn’t stopped him the first time but she had to wonder if it would be a second time.

Morbid thoughts, she supposed.

Alex squeezing her hand was enough to pacify her but there was still some tension - wound up tight in her shoulders, keeping her posture rigid on the couch. A sigh was exhaled, and she tightened the hold on her hand right back. “I look forward to finding out how we’re planning to deal with him then,” she mumbled, pushing her other hand through that pitch-black hair of hers - the neat straightness of it was wearing off. “Death obviously didn’t stick. Leave it to Lex to somehow be able to be an exception to that.”

With a quietly audible ugh, Lena decidedly melted back into the couch - and somewhat into Alex.

Alex’s arm slipped right back around Lena’s shoulders and squeezed reassuringly. “I guess he’s more important to the multiverse than any of us expected,” she agreed with a sigh. “From what I remember, you cut him off and there hasn’t been any major backlash.” She didn’t like to wish death on anyone, if only because Kara would disapprove, but she couldn’t see how their world was better off with Lex than without. Was it just some kind of balance thing? Maybe the Supers needed a formidable enemy to keep them on their toes?

A sharp pang stabbed into her forehead. Okay, yeah, saving that thought for later. Too philosophical after a night of near-ceaseless drinking.

She settled in closer, her cheek quickly coming to rest against the side of Lena’s head. Without Kara, all they really had was each other. Despite their no-cuddling history, she needed it tonight. She figured they both did, but of course, if Lena moved away, she wouldn’t stop her. It was nice, though, having someone to hold for a little while. It helped her feel grounded again.

Lena wasn’t moving. Truthfully she didn’t want to, anyway; she had been touchy with Kara last, and she’s shared a bed with one or two people since her arrival but it wasn’t anything like this. She didn’t cuddle bedfellows. That’d be crossing the line of the arrangement but this, with Alex - this was good.

She kind of needed this. She figured Alex did too.

“There’s always major backlash with Lex,” she mumbled, stretching an arm over her waist. Felt more comfortable that way. “But that’s - he isn’t our problem right now, and you.” Lena pinched her side. “You need rest. How tired are you? We can always put something on until we inevitably pass out from exhausting our liver to their limits.”

“I’m fine,” Alex insisted half-heartedly. She wasn’t and they both knew it. She was drunk, tired, and hurting. She was a jumble of raw, complicated emotions, and while the alcohol was a temporary numbing agent, it would fade. She would deal with Kara being gone because she had to, but it wasn’t going to be easy and she couldn’t be drunk forever.

Or could she? It felt like she had been an awful lot lately. Stressing about the Klaus situation had been driving her to drink plenty, but — well. At least that wasn’t an issue anymore.

Her free hand moved to Lena’s arm, thumb brushing idly over the skin of her elbow as her grip tightened. It was a completely mindless action; just an instinct to seek further comfort. “I’m glad you’re still here,” she sighed. “I don’t know if I should be glad any of us are here, but, you know. If we have to be here, it’s good we’re not alone.”

Ah, such bullshit words. Surely Alex knew she wouldn’t believe it, hence the lack of commentary on it but she did roll her eyes. Maybe nestled in closer, allowing her to sink into the feel of this - the exhaustion, the buzz of alcohol that still flooded their veins, the loss of Kara.

“Yeah,” she sighed - the slow, deep kind of exhale that made her feel as if her body was slowly deflating. “Try not to disappear on me anytime soon, Danvers.”