bucky barnes-ulric (whatthebucky) wrote in valloic, @ 2021-05-14 10:39:00 |
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Entry tags: | !: action/thread/log, marvel: sam wilson, ₴ inactive: bucky barnes |
WHO: Sam Wilson & Bucky Barnes-Ulric
WHERE: Vallo: Sam's Morningside Apartment
WHEN: May 14th, 2021
WHAT: The boys get a memory update from home.
WARNINGS: Spoilers for The Falcon and the Winter Soldier
When he had woken up that morning, Bucky knew something wasn’t quite right. His dreams had been full of memories of the Winter Soldiers actions, present in a way they hadn’t been since last year when he had merged with his past self. And it wasn’t just that...there were memories of new things - of Sam and the Wilson family, of Ayo and the Wakandans, of the Nakajimas, of John Walker, of Zemo, and of Karli and the Flagsmashers. It had been a lot to take in, but thankfully, it seemed like this update to his memories had turned out to be...not devastating. Not entirely, anyway. Because Sam finally accepted being Captain America because he was ready to. Bucky understood that now. Not because Steve had decided it or because Bucky needed it to be true. And definitely not because the government tried to make someone else Captain America instead. It had happened because Sam was ready to make the legacy of Captain America his and to elevate people that looked like him and that had been something truly amazing to behold. The morning had been spent reassuring Nyx that he was fine, that the memories were, ultimately, a good thing, and then he had set out to find Sam because he needed to see if he was remembering the same things he was. Knocking on the other man’s door, he waited impatiently. “Come in,” Sam called out from his spot on the sofa, where he sat with his half-eaten breakfast and half-drunk cup of coffee. Incidentally, he had gotten his memories too, of giving up the shield, of watching it be sullied at John Walker’s hands as he slaughtered an unarmed man in front of numbers of citizens, getting it back and then picking up the mantle of Captain America. Maybe it hadn’t sunken in yet entirely that he did all of that, because in that moment, he felt like he was watching a story unfold from afar. Things were good, or at least getting better. But he couldn’t forget Karli, her life slowly leaving her as he held onto her, and of the pain he saw in Isaiah Bradley’s eyes as he retold his story. It was so good for him to be in Vallo right now where they wouldn’t have to face any kind of racism or hate, but it still happened back in his home world. He usually left the door unlocked if he was within vicinity of the door, getting more comfortable in this area than he had ever expected himself to be. Sam anticipated seeing one person right now, and it wasn’t Monica, although he’d eventually want to see her. It’s like Vallo had planned it, for the two of them to be dealing with this at the same time. And it was lucky that they were, because if one had updated without the other, it would have been hard to not feel a loss of progress - between their friendship and their world views. Bucky entered at the sound of Sam answering his knocks, not surprised to find the door unlocked. He’d been around a few times already, so he wasn’t unfamiliar with Sam’s home, but it was weird now, when memories of the Wilson house in Delacroix floated around in his head. It was always strange, getting these memory updates, and trying to reconcile them into something that made more sense. “You get it?” Bucky asked without preamble, pointing at his head with a finger as he flopped down on an armchair like it was his second home. Sam picked up the coffee mug, watching someone who had somehow become his best friend in two completely different timelines: back in their world through those memories and here. Even if they might still refer to each as coworkers or whatever. Even though he didn’t look any different than he had yesterday, things had changed a whole lot. “The only thing I didn’t get is the new Wakandan suit,” he said after a pause, taking a sip and then placing down his cup. “Would have been sweet, though I wonder what Steve would have thought to have a whole other Captain America suddenly show up.” It was meant to be a joke, but it didn’t entirely sound like that. While he was here, he might still have to be the Falcon, and he would contend with it but considering what had gotten him to pick up the mantle finally, it was almost like a distant dream he had that he wanted back. Okay, so that answered that question. Sam was on the same page then. Bucky reached over to snag a piece of toast - because eating when he was processing things always helped - and leaned back, thoughtfully munching on his stolen food. “Steve would have dealt with it just fine,” Bucky finally said, after considering what Sam had said and had meant as an offhand comment. It didn’t feel offhand though. “Still would, if that thing showed up here.” And there was always the chance that it could. Bucky really hoped it would though. Sam had worked hard to come to terms with the mantle and it...just felt right. “Still calling you Cap anyway.” He leaned forward to poke around Sam’s breakfast plate. “You got anymore bacon left?” Sam only frowned slightly, not so much at his taking his food, because apparently, they were sharing food at the Delacroix cookouts. He stood up, however, walking around to the kitchen area and starting up the stove again to make more bacon. “Just thinking what else is there to come. If the next Karli is out there somewhere. If the current Karli is going to be okay.” He had doubts, though. She had been so fragile when he’d lifted her… “None of that,” he mumbled to himself, picking out a few pieces of bacon to start cooking. “So I guess you remember everything too?” “Karli was dead the last time we saw her, Sam,” Bucky said gently, getting up off that armchair and making his way to the kitchen where Sam was cooking for him. Putting a hand on the other man’s shoulder, he added, “But she didn’t die in vain. People were waking up and seeing what she stood for. And you brought her message to the forefront in a way that made a change happen. Don’t forget that.” Yeah, it was sad that Karli was dead. She had been just a kid, one that reminded him a lot of Steve, in how she wanted to make the world better. But her follow through, the way she had gone about everything...it couldn’t be allowed to continue. If it could have ended any other way, Bucky would have liked to see it. “I’m sorry she won’t be around to see how she changed the world, but she did, through you.” “I remember,” Sam said, glancing over at him over his shoulder before he turned back to the bacon. It probably had been too much to hope for when he had placed her body onto that stretcher. He hadn’t followed up on her though and now that he thought of it, he probably should have. He felt a slight pang of guilt, but he didn’t voice it. “I’m just glad we got to do something for Isaiah, at least,” he continued instead. “That wasn’t something I was about to let history just erase. Been dealing with that shit for far too long.” Taking his hand away and leaning up against the counter as he watched Sam cook, Bucky crossed his arms and clarified, “You did that for him. No one else. Not me or the government.” Sam had this problem with owning up to all the good he was able to bring, but Bucky had no problem hyping him up. “So don’t forget that, yeah?” Sam gave Bucky a scowl, even though one side of his lips still twitched up in mirth. “Gee, how would I be able to possibly forget with you hounding me not to? Get more toast from the fridge.” He was grateful though, to have Bucky here with him, because when he did start to backtrack, thinking he didn’t deserve so much of what he had right now, he knew Bucky would tell him to quit it in the most tough-love way he knew. “What about you?” he said, placing the prepared bacon in a separate plate for Bucky. “How are you feeling about everything?” “I still don’t understand why you keep bread in the fridge,” he said, instead of answering Sam’s question. Because honestly, he was still processing. The bigger picture stuff - Isaiah, Karli, the Flag Smashers, and GRC - that was a lot easier to handle. But his own stuff with Yori and RJ? And his ever lingering guilt...that was a lot harder to talk about. Pulling the bread out though - that stupidly healthy kind, not the crap white, flavorless stuff he normally picked up if Nyx didn’t beat him to shopping for the house - he tossed the loaf onto the counter and started to fiddle with it. Only when he finally had it in the toaster, did he admit, “Still working on how I’m feeling about it. My brain is already scrambled, it always takes a few days for it to settle down. But I knew I had to come see you and check to see if we were in the same boat now.” “Where the hell do you put your bread? It stays fresh in there.” Sam slid the plate over as he turned off the stove, leaving the pan in case Bucky’s stomach wasn’t filled with what he made. Super soldier metabolism, of course. “Yeah, yeah, we in the same boat. Which, by the way, we decided not to sell after all the work we put into it. Sarah changed her mind.” Sarah. Oh, that was a confusing little thought in his head. But he brushed it away, it wasn’t like she was around here at the moment. “Glad she did,” Bucky said nonchalantly, decidingly not looking at Sam at the mention of his gorgeous sister. He was married now. Happily. “It was obvious you all loved that thing a lot.” Sam, thankfully, didn’t notice the change, because he was already walking back toward the sofa, picking up his coffee again. It had gotten cold while he had been sitting there and contemplating the recent memories right before Bucky had shown up. “You know the funny thing is… I already miss that thing. I wake up with all these memories, feeling all kinds of emotions…” he paused to put the cup in the microwave to reheat it. “I’m feeling anger for what Isaiah went through, sadness for Karli, for the other Flag-Smashers, relief for bringing my community together, that the damage in New York was not as bad as it could have been, some annoyance at you, just a little, because you’re a little shit, let’s be real.” He crossed his arms. “But out of all of them, damn, I really want that boat right here and right now.” "And instead, you get stuck with this little shit," Bucky grinned, as he popped the toast onto his plate. Like the heathen he was, he stood there in the kitchen with his plate and ate with his hands. A little more somberly, he spoke again. "It's weird though, right? Having these memories and feelings? Kind of feels like watching a movie, but feeling everything the actors do. I've had this happen to me three times now and it feels strange each time." Sam shook his head. “I don’t know how you deal with that. Had to pop a few Tylenol pills when I got up initially.” He sighed, rolling his head on his shoulders. It was still early, so he knew he was going to have to deal with the memories in some way, and the thought right now was going on a run. “What’d you do to sort through it all? And does it stay like that? Like it’s a movie or did it finally get to a point where you can look back and go ‘oh yeah, that definitely happened to me’??” Ah, Tylenol. If only that worked on Bucky. He just had to power through or ask one of the doctors for something a hell of a lot stronger. "Honestly? I'm still working on figuring it all out. Some days it feels like I'm remembering a stranger's life. Other days, I can practically smell and feel the memories I'm remembering again. You just gotta...pick and chose which parts you want to carry with you. And you let the rest go." Sam raised an eyebrow at him. “Let the rest go,” he repeated. Like that was easy for him. Like it was easy as it sounded. He turned around and retrieved his now-warmed cup of coffee. “You already know me well enough that you know it’ll be a while before I let any of it go.” Especially the people they had lost along the way. Not just Karli, he realized, as his thoughts trailed back to Lamar. “I know, but what’s the alternative, Sam? Let it fester? Because we can’t do much about the people that aren’t here or the situations we left back home,” Bucky pointed out, bacon held between his fingers but still uneaten. “It’s not easy, but you eventually have to accept what happened, happened. Otherwise, it’ll continue to eat you up until it’s all you think about.” He smiled bitterly. “I don’t have a lot of good nights, but the ones I do are because of what I choose to focus on - the people here. My husband, my kids, my sisters. Your dumb ass.” “Love you, too, coworker,” Sam said with a slight smirk, before he sobered up again. “In due time, I guess. I’m going to just need some time.” There wasn’t much coffee left in his cup anyway, so he downed the rest and dropped the cup into the sink. “Now that you ate half my food, you planning on going for a run with me too?” "Love you back, guy," Bucky said with a smirk, finally popping that bacon into his mouth and chewing happily. Yeah, his brain was scrambled to all hell and Sam had to deal with not being able to save everyone. But he had absolute faith that they'd figure it out. Just needed time, like Sam said. Putting his plate in the sink and then rolling up his sleeves, he snorted. "Hell no. I already married the love of my life and now he's stuck with me. Got no need for abs now, so I ain't ever exercising again." Which was a lie, but he was being nice to himself today. "I'll wash the dishes, you go get more muscley for Monica." He turned away to start the dishes, hiding his grin from the other man. “You’re terrible,” Sam scowled at him while he reached for his hoodie. “For the record, she likes me for me, not my muscles.” As he headed backwards towards the door, he pointed a finger at him as he said “Remember to put my bread back in the fridge.” "You're a weird one, Sammy!" Bucky yelled back to him as the other man left the house. |