InsaneJournal

Ambrose had been slightly on edge for days. His conversation with Nicholas from the day of the disappearances wore heavily on him. Nick had all but confirmed that he’d gotten new memories from home, and given his erratic behaviour, Ambrose was certain what it was.

Unsurprisingly, Nick had been dodging him ever since he had suggested that they needed to talk. And unfortunately, the surly, drunken, teenaged warlock was quite good at not being found when he didn’t want to be. Wanting to try a different approach, Ambrose backed off slightly to give Nick some breathing room.

Then once Nick was otherwise occupied, Ambrose cornered him in the sitting room. Nick didn’t notice him at first. He was slouched down in an armchair and staring intensely at the flames in the fireplace. The pain and grief etched into his features in that moment were all the confirmation that Ambrose needed. Nick had experienced Sabrina’s sacrifice. He swallowed and rubbed a hand against the side of his neck, hoping to ease the tension that was already building there.

“So you know.” Ambrose spoke in a low, even tone as he made his way into the room to join Nick. “What happened in the Mountains of Madness.”

Nick didn't notice Ambrose lurking, but his voice jolted Nick away from his thoughts and he looked up at the other man. He was mostly sober by now, with no more alcohol to be found in the house, or at least, not where he knew to look. Yet it still took him a moment to take in the full meaning of the other man's words.

Ambrose knew. For the first time since he'd woken up on Saturday someone knew exactly what it was he had seen and experienced. Had been through the same torment he had in experiencing Sabrina's death. He didn't speak right away, didn't trust his voice as his eyes started to glisten, tears threatening to spill over.

He had not grieved, as he'd woken up and needed reassurance that Sabrina was still there only to discover her missing. And now he could no longer keep up pretenses that he was fine, but he no longer needed to.

"Yeah," Nick said, his voice cracking with that single word. He knew.

It only took a few strides for Ambrose to close the distance between the two of them. He put his hand on Nick’s shoulder. It was meant to be a solid, reassuring presence, and to show Nick that he was not alone in this. He couldn’t blame Nick. Not when he’d literally done the same thing. Until Zelda showed up, Ambrose hadn’t spoken a word of what he knew to anyone. The knowledge had made him sick, and it was only by having Sabrina’s very real, very solid, very alive presence in the house that he had managed it without drinking himself into a stupor as well. So to wake up and find her gone….well, Ambrose could understand where Nick was coming from.

“I’m so sorry. I’d hoped you two would never have to find out.”

The tears that had threatened to spill over did, and Nick didn't try to stop them. He sat there, head down, crying as Ambrose seemed to give him permission. Within a couple minutes he had pulled it together, somehow.

"She hasn't, yet." He wasn't inclined to tell her and definitely not like this, with her separated by literal ages. But he was on edge and as much as he tried to hold back, the tension and fear and anxiety that the new memories had brought spilled over into everything he wrote. To her, to Roz. Even to Regina, who may have written him back by now, but Nick had no energy left to check.

"I woke up and she was gone…" he said, not having to explain how he had feared the absolute worst. "There's no future back there. For either of us."

He hadn't meant to, but his voice had chilled on the last sentence, his anger at himself combining with shame that revealed itself as disgust.

A few tears spilled down Ambrose’s face as well. They cried together, as it was something they both clearly needed. When the worst of the storm seemed to pass, Ambrose gave Nick’s shoulder a firm squeeze before he moved to sit on the sofa opposite him. He pressed his lips together and just listened. He’d been prepared to respond with some words of solace until one single word caught his attention. Us.

It could have been a slip of the tongue. Nick’s current anguish caused him to refuse to see a future for himself that didn’t include Sabrina. But something in the way he said it made Ambrose’s eyebrows furrow with even more concern. “Please tell me you didn’t.”

Nick meant Ambrose's eyes briefly before he could no longer look at the other man. "I wish I could," he said quietly. "After the funeral, when you barely let me out of your sight? I slipped away one night…"

He shook his head. "I don't… I wouldn't do it. I don't know why... " He had lived out those emotions, but his reunion with Sabrina still didn't sit right with him. No way would Sabrina have just accepted that. He knew that and yet he'd watched her do exactly that.

"I can't stop thinking about any of it and she's not here now and I've probably pissed her off because anything I say to her…"

Anything he said to her was with the knowledge that they were both dead, back home. But that she had died saving the world, and he still didn't see why it had needed to come to that, so now she was unjustly on the receiving end of his frustration in a way that probably didn't make any sense to her.

"It's not like I can tell her."

Ambrose’s heart plummeted from his throat down to the floor at that. Nick was correct in that he’d barely let him out of his sight in those days after Sabrina’s death. But he’d also been dealing with his own guilt and grief and apparently it hadn’t been enough. His entire body felt heavy, and Ambrose dropped his head. All of it weighed down his shoulders and tightened his chest.

He sighed and raised his eyes to meet Nick’s once more. “I wish I had better answers for you. That there was a simple solution for dealing with this.I don’t know that I’ve been handling it spectacularly myself. I try to focus on the present, but that is admittedly much easier when Sabrina is here and not in potentially dangerous situations. It’s incredibly difficult when you feel like you can’t share the reasons why you’re upset. But I’m here, and Zelda too. You don’t have to deal with this alone.”

That alone was a weight off of Nick's shoulders, because Ambrose and Zelda both knowing meant he had people who would understand. He thought about something Zelda had asked upon her arrival, about which terror they were dealing with. Had she known all this time? Had Ambrose?

He guessed that mattered less than actually having them available to him, and he nodded at Ambrose. "Look, I'm trying to either be here or with other people. I'm not looking to make the same decision as before, no matter what." But there wasn't another option either, Sabrina was going to make it back here.

He shook his head. "We've both talked about our future being here. Wanting to stick around. Didn't know that was the only option."

Ambrose hadn’t realized just how much he needed to hear Nick say he wouldn’t do anything like that here until the words were spoken out loud. A few tears of relief stung at the corners of his eyes and he blinked them away quickly. He bowed his head and let out a soft exhale. “Thank you.” He looked up again, “because I swear to Hecate, Nicholas, if you ever try anything like that…” Ambrose trailed off. “This family needs you around, just as much as it does Sabrina.”

He leaned forward and rested his forearms against his knees. His hands were loosely clasped between his legs. “You two will have a future here. I’ll do everything I possibly can to guarantee that. And in the meantime you can stay with me as much as you need until we get Sabrina and the others back home again.”

"Yeah… I scheduled an emergency session with my therapist," Nick admitted. "I don't know how to process any of that part." He wasn't about to mention the afterlife, or Sabrina's reaction being off too. Maybe death had changed them both. He had no idea, and his therapist had no idea what was about to be unleashed at her the next morning, but at least he could talk freely about it with someone removed from the fact.

"You may need to keep me from writing to Sabrina. Or Roz. I just hate this."

But he was going to take Ambrose up on that offer, and he was going to make an effort to keep himself busy doing something other than drinking. "Thank you. I needed this."

Ambrose nodded. “That’s good to hear. I can’t even begin to imagine how it must feel to try and process all of that. I hope she’s able to help. However long it takes.”

He stood then. “You can keep busy helping me with studying Vallo’s history books. If they’re stuck in the past, there may be a key to bringing them back buried somewhere in there. And,” he continued, eyeing one of the cats slinking out of the room. “I’d say helping keep an eye on all of the animals is enough to keep anyone preoccupied, yeah?”

Ambrose nodded toward the kitchen. “Come on. I’ll put the kettle on. I suspect your body might be grateful for something that doesn’t include alcohol at the moment.”

Ambrose wasn't wrong. Nick definitely needed something other than alcohol, and distraction. "I should probably eat too," he added. Which would allow him to cook, and might help him unwind a bit.

"We can let Allison know there's food on the way."

The mortuary felt way too empty with just the three of them.