WHAT:Early morning conversations + ftb WHERE: Dan’s room in the Spellman house WHEN: Very early morning 3/30/20 WARNINGS: Mostly anxiety and shit some sexytimes stuff STATUS:Complete!
Allison had been staying over more and more frequently lately, fitting in nicely at the mortuary - or at least Dan thought so, and it was nice to have her there when he got home late. In fact, it was something of a routine - he arrived home from a shift when the roads still had that black look of night, a few hours before the sun roused more colors from the sleepy monochrome outdoors. Even before the reminder that, under the fumes of morning traffic, dawn lingered. It was very quiet. Very still. But he’d arrive home and find her there, in his bed - she usually set an alarm for when he came home and while he maintained she didn’t have to, it was nice to actually say hello before going back to sleep.
Today was no different. He got home at some ungodly hour, scrubs off, clothes off - left at the foot of the bed (and it was a victory he made it up the stairs without tripping over Azzie or one of the other cats), and only in the bare minimum of boxer briefs did he fall into bed, planning to grab a shower once he caught some shut-eye. Sure enough, he heard the chime of Allison’s phone two seconds later.
“Hey beautiful,” he snuggled her from behind, fulfilling his role as the big spoon, reaching over her and turning her alarm off so it wouldn’t keep clanging. “You know you don’t have to do that.” But, again, it was sweet that she did.
Allison didn’t mind getting up for when Dan got home. She just liked to see him after a night of waiting for him to get home. Even if it was more like a night of watching TV and having mostly one-sided conversations with Azzie. It wasn’t weird.
But getting more comfortable with Dan and Sabrina as a whole was nice. She was starting to get to know them both and she was doing her best to be a good role model for a teenager - something she’d figured she’d have a few years to get around to. If she was ever allowed to have a part of Claire’s life again. If that life was ever going to be hers again with the time travel. She didn’t know how that would work. There were a lot of things up in the air. So helping Sabrina with her abilities put her on edge a little because she didn’t want to mess up the good things she had by accidentally slipping back into old habits. She could take on a bank robber without the assistance of her power, but she was trying to figure out how much to do and what to encourage.
She woke up pretty quick at the sound of the alarm, but the feeling of Dan reaching across her and the warmth of his body made her smile. Even if she was a little tired. “Mmm. I know I don’t,” she said, voice still thick with sleep. “But I like to do it. How was work? Azzie was appropriately mouthy around dinner time. And about an hour before it, too. Pretty sure she believes she’s never eaten before in her life.”
Dan chuckled, the sound rich and warm going down. “Work was okay,” he said, nuzzling at the back of her neck - this meant getting a faceful of hair, so much hair, and it tickled (and smelled good, that combo of coconut shampoo, maybe, and something else enticing - the feminine mystique). But he swept it to the side so he had better access to skin - he couldn’t tell if Allison was wearing one of those silk handkerchiefs to bed yet it kind of felt that way when he slipped both arms around her, the one beneath her surely to experience pins and needles pretty soon here, unless they changed position.
It was worth it though - Dan liked a good cuddle, sue him.
“Mal’s starting to do the starvation thing too, I think she’s being tutored by Azzie,” he added. Cats were so weird, so demanding. But clearly humans were put in this world to cater to their whimsies. “How’s everything?” he asked Allison. “You...went out in the city with Sabrina?”
Allison was, in fact, wearing one of her silk nightgowns. Mostly because she was used to them and she knew Dan liked them. Today’s color was light blue.
She smiled a little, reaching up to help hold her hair out of the way. Perhaps she’d try a braid some night to make it a little easier. “Perhaps it’s just a cat thing. I can’t say. I’m still figuring them out.” But she actually didn’t mind it so much. Because it gave her something to do. “I’ll have to ask Ben and Klaus if they’ve come to similar conclusions.”
“It’s okay,” she said, though the second part gave her a moment of pause. She nodded. “Yeah. We went out in the city. We’re working on her powers a little.” She was doing her best. It just worried her. A lot.
“Hey - “ With the arm currently not slipped underneath her, Dan found Allison’s hand - he laced their fingers together, resting on her abdomen, and shifted to entwine their legs together too. “If it’s too much, you can tell me. Sabrina was a little concerned that it might be.”
It was dark, the room nearly pitch black, so he couldn’t see her face - but he was attuned to her emotions, the way they rolled off of her and draped over him. “I’m sorry,” Dan added quietly, fingers stroking in between hers. “If it feels like I pushed you to help her? I thought it would be good for you both.”
Because he cared about the both of them too, a lot. Though maybe he should just - not suggest things. The last thing he wanted was for Allison to feel obligated, or resentful about him sticking his nose in.
Allison was grateful for the added closeness, leaning into it a little. “It’s just...me.” She frowned. “I know I could easily get us out of any situation that came up. I know that I could. Both in fighting and if I chose to use my ability. And I could now, but…” But what if she fell into the same trap? She didn’t want Sabrina to fall into that trap either. It was easy to make excuses for yourself, provide yourself with a good enough reason for why you did something you knew you shouldn’t. So she knew why he’d asked. But some of it was her projecting her feelings a little.
“I just want to make sure she’s doing things for the right reason and I know I can’t reasonably expect her to not use her powers. Nor can I say anything about stopping criminals since that was my entire childhood.” She frowned again, the fingers of her free hand fidgeting with her hair.
“I think I need to find a way to be comfortable with myself again that doesn’t involve being mute or scared of myself but I’m not sure how to go about it without high levels of overthinking it.” She was quiet for a moment. “But I know that she probably needs someone who does know how easy all of it can be to explain away and make excuses for because it is. The smallest things build up.”
The mish mosh of emotion rolling off of Allison was nearly palpable - it was confusion, mostly, and Dan didn’t mean to wake her up to have this conversation - but since they were awake, may as well. He’d make her breakfast when they actually got up in a few hours - he always did (and it wasn’t always cereal either).
“You don’t have to mentor her if it’s making you uncomfortable,” he said, and that was mainly what he wanted to get across. Sabrina would be okay - she had Lucifer and, well, Dan would help her too. Hopefully she knew that, though he was pretty sure she did. Then he shifted on the mattress, moving to lie on his back - though he kept their hands linked, holding them against his chest for the moment. Against the steady thrum of his heartbeat. “I don’t know - overthinking is a difficult thing to quit doing. You can be comfortable with yourself without expecting perfection - no one’s perfect, and you don’t have to be perfect either. You’ve already helped Sabrina, and that’s a big deal.”
Maybe celebrating the little victories would help, instead of focusing on all the ways everything could go wrong.
She nodded. She understood that she didn’t have to and she knew it made her anxious. She closed her eyes and focused on the up and down of Dan’s chest as he breathed. “I know.” She knew that he probably already knew that she understood, but she said it out loud just in case. She opened her eyes, looking up at Dan. “Only seemed to happen when I stopped using my abilities, but...you know.” But overthinking everything wasn’t helping either. “She’s got the right idea, at least. Fighting crime is better than the opposite.” She frowned slightly. “I think it might take a bit for the perfection thing mostly because I spent far too much time competing with my siblings as a child and then being an actress and no one seems to like imperfection in either scenario.” A beat. “But I’ll work on it.”
She considered something for a moment. “I’ll see if she wants to learn any hand to hand stuff just in case. I’ve been keeping up with it here. I do want to help her.” Maybe she could explain everything that happened. Then it would be okay.
He imagined that the glitz and glamour of Hollywood, the thrills and chills it offered, meant that there was a very rigid standard of beauty - and expectations that were placed upon up and coming starlets, in terms of what they needed to do in order to find success. All of that was a mindfuck on its own, and something that could cause damage - Dan didn’t think Allison had come out of it unscathed, which was a shame.
“If it takes awhile, then it takes awhile - I’m not going anywhere,” Dan promised, propping up on his elbow, watching Allison’s face and the play of shadows - it was dark in here but there were silvery cracks of light coming in where curtains couldn’t get to. “You’re not perfect overall because no one is, but I think what we have is good and you’re helping Sabrina and that’s good too. I didn’t tell her about...you,” he added. “I mean, how you once used your abilities. I figured you could tell her, if and when you were ready.”
She looked up at him, smiling a little. “Yeah. I think you’re most aware of my lack of perfection than anyone else who isn’t related to me.” Because they were definitely all aware of each other’s issues in their family. And they just brought it up whenever they needed to or wanted to. It depended on the situation. “I like us.” She nodded at his words. “It might be a good idea to explain it. It might help her understand why I’ve been a bit nervous.” And it at least would mean that there was less that was left unexplained. “Thank you,” she said after a moment. “For being you and...everything.”
“No, thank you,” was Dan’s somewhat sleepy, cheeky response, a rumble of a laugh tacked on there - his fingers sought out the material of that tissue Allison had on, keyboarding up her ribcage and back down. “For wearing this to bed.”
Alright, but in all seriousness. She didn’t need to thank him - he was just trying to be a good partner in all things; it had been awhile since he’d even tried, so it was a bit like dusting off ancient cogs and adding a dash of WD-40, but he was doing his best. “What do you want for breakfast later?” he asked, fingers slipping beneath that nightgown now, going for the very visceral reaction - goosebumps, all those good things. “I know we still have cereal but I’ll make you some ‘you’re perfect for me’ waffles if you want.”
Maybe some ‘I’m really into you’ waffles. ‘Probably going to say the three not-so-little words at some point’ waffles (with syrup).
That got a laugh and a roll of her eyes. “Well, I like how much you like my nightgowns.” Which was true, but she also liked them. Except for when it was really cold. But it was starting to warm up and the house was generally warm enough. She had a robe to put on for the morning. At least until she was ready to get dressed in her actual clothes. “And I like the way I look in them. It’s a win-win.”
She took in a quick breath as she felt his fingers. She hadn’t considered breakfast, but she almost made a joke about cereal. “Those are some cheesy waffles, but I like the sound of them.” She studied his face for a moment. “We can work off any excess calories afterwards.” Or now. Or both. She was good either way. “Thinking of our health.”
Being that he was a man with a reawakened zest for closeness, Dan would probably go with both - because it wasn’t like burning off the calories now would do any good, before those calories were consumed. Now, it’d be like a preamble, whereas after ‘you’re perfect for me’ waffles that would be a cooldown. Yeah, sure.
“I won’t put cheese in the waffles,” he quipped, though he knew what Allison meant. Sweet of her to be a health guru; healthy body, healthy heart - even if his bruised banana of a heart was set to be pounding like a herd of stampeding buffalo in a minute here.
Good thing this silk pillowcase was easily removed - his hands scrunched it at Allison’s sides, gliding north and then shimmying it off, tossing it across the room. “We can work off the calories afterward but I need to warm you up first,” he said, fingers lacing with hers and pinning her hands to the mattress. “Ready?” It was asked teasingly, before curving his lips around hers in a kiss that was all heated contact, though he didn’t stay there long - down, down, down, he dusted those kisses. Now that she was awake and he was here, he planned to put them both through an intense workout.
Allison snorted softly. Of course she knew that and the joke seemed slightly painful to her. “How disappointing. I thought everyone loved cheese in their waffles.” Actually it sounded gross. But she liked the way that things seemed to be going shortly after.
Both it was.
“A good warm up is always important,” she agreed, fingers squeezing his lightly. The question earned another eye roll. “As if you don’t-“ The words were cut off by the kiss. Her breath grew shallow as he pressed more kisses to her skin.
He sort of liked rendering her breathless and, yeah, it was apparent to Dan that was he was pretty far gone on Allison, set to fall further - her and her skin like spilled honey, the image of her dangling a toothbrush between her fingers (she had one here at the house), wearing one of his shirts skimming her knees and her laugh that was crystalline as champagne; he didn’t even need to drink it, or crave it, when he had that sound.
“Exactly,” he agreed in a murmur, from somewhere along her inner thigh - though he couldn’t quite remember what he was agreeing with, but it didn’t matter.
Not much else did, right now - and wouldn’t for the foreseeable future either.