After the puking stops, it'll be a little more appealing. Are you trying to drink water?
It's okay to express yourself, too. You're obviously a passionate person, and that won't stay confined to one portion of your life forever. I'm not saying that you should necessarily post your deepest thoughts on the Internet, but talking about them in a safe environment might be satisfying.
But what do I know, I'm not a psychologist. I just want to get cancer patients and old people stoned.